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Publisher's Summary

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience such violent and frightening mood swings that they often fear for their sanity. They can be euphoric one moment, then despairing and depressed the next. There are an estimated 18 million sufferers of BPD living in America today - each displaying remarkably similar symptoms:

  • A shaky sense of identity
  • Sudden outbursts of anger
  • Oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
  • Brief, turbulent love affairs
  • Intense feelings of emptiness
  • Eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies
  • An irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone

For years BPD was difficult to describe, diagnose, and treat. But with this classic guide, Dr. Jerold J. Kreisman and health writer Hal Straus offer much-needed professional advice, helping victims and their families understand and cope with this troubling, shockingly widespread affliction.

This completely revised and updated edition includes information on the most up-to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder - as well as the connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, ADHD, and eating disorders - making it a vital reference for understanding and living with BPD.

©2012 Jerold J. Kreisman (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.

Critic Reviews

“This book belongs on the bookshelf of patients, their friends and family, and for all those who help in their healing.” (Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

great book

If you could sum up I Hate You - Don't Leave Me in three words, what would they be?

Insightful
Clinical
Helpful

Any additional comments?

This is a great book for anyone who has a loved one who struggles with BPD. This book seems to target an analytical mind but is also very helpful to a layman person. The book is so packed full of useful tools to use I had to read it twice. In fact I found some of it so helpful I wrote it down so I could memorize and reflect back at my leisure. Just a great overall book.

13 of 14 people found this review helpful

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the devil you know is to know yourself.

I enjoyed the audio version the most, it helped me to learn more about personality traits in people. I would suggest that this book for those that are like myself are on the road to self discovery.

12 of 13 people found this review helpful

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    2 out of 5 stars

Tainted by politics

I listened to this because I saw it quoted many times in useful contexts, so I thought I'd go to the source. I knew it was dated, but that didn't trouble me-- I'm familiar with the more recent work done on the subject of BPD. But midway through, the book went off the rails completely into reactionary social politics and abuse apologetics.

I should have expected this, when the very first case study was of a woman whose symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder included "provoking her husband into hitting her." I gave the book a second chance it didn't deserve, and it did seem to improve was was even useful for a bit. However, the author devotes two chapters to the way that the breakdown of the nuclear family, changing gender roles, and liberalizing sexual mores cause Borderline Personality Disorder, apparently by leaving people without a solid connection to the past or strong standards for behavior. I can see what he's getting at, especially considering that BPD is demonstrably more common in women and sexual minorities. However it's also more common in people of lower socioeconomic status and in oppressed racial minorities. And forgive me if I don't think it likely that women were happier being treated as chattel, or LGBT folks were healthier living in a socially mandated closet. Maybe, just maybe, the connection between the increased visibility of BPD, its disparate impact, and the social changes of the 20th century, is that it's more common in people who experience structural violence, and society is finally starting to care about the troubles of the oppressed?

If you're able to screen out the politics, if that doesn't matter to you, or if you agree with the author, you may find this book valuable. But be aware that Kreisman will subject you to the assertion that women have BPD because they've lost their role as wives and mothers, BPD folks are more likely to be LGBT because they have no sense of personal identity, people with BPD are abused because they deliberately provoke it (even as children), people who practice BDSM have BPD because their emotional dysregulation makes them masochistic, and women with BPD are more likely to be prostitutes, because they seek the validation of being paid by multiple sexual partners. If you can stomach that, then listen and enjoy.

I found that, knowing that the author was completely off-base in his basic understanding of the biopsychosocial underpinnings of personality and violence, I couldn't trust the observations I lacked the knowledge to critique.

55 of 67 people found this review helpful

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Very informative

Very helpful for understanding BPD. Great chapter on the medications. I will probably go back to it many times. Lots of good information. Kind of dry. My mind kept wandering. Could only do a little at a time.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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I re-read it three times. I love it!

This is full of valuable information, whether the listener is one who has been diagnosed, the friend, family member, or professional.

6 of 7 people found this review helpful

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Informative must read

This book is informative without being judgmental or critical of the Borderline. I just can not get through some books that paint the picture more towards the stereotypical severe cases. I learned so much from this book outlining subtle signs and the meanings/root cause behind it. Definitely helps you gain an insightful understanding of the world and it's impact in general.

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • Michelle
  • Indian Trail, NC, United States
  • 09-26-13

Technical, clearly defines DSM explanation of BPD

Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?

This book was a little too technical for me and maybe it would serve me to get a written version. It does a great job explaining the disorder and its extremes. It's definitely not a "light" read (listen)

4 of 5 people found this review helpful

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Incredibly Validating, Insightful, and Helpful

I cannot express how helpful and validating it was to read this and truly understand where the behaviors in my relationship with a borderline significant other were coming from. Equally important it gave me some insight and clarity on what I should really be discussing when certain issues come up and what they really mean. Not only that, but it even touches a little on communication strategies and how best to talk to your loved one with borderline personality disorder.

The narrator reads slow as molasses. I recommend 1.5-2x.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Very informative and well written!

I have a close friend who has this disorder and I have been searching for a good way to support her. the behaviors listed in this book fit her to a T. Listening to some of the things said in this book can be kind of scary but it gives me a lot of hope for her too.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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The Perfect Book on BPD!!!

An absolutely freshing education breaking apart every facet of BPD! Tells realistic stories and comparisons relating to all types of people! Describes all symptoms of BPD in depth, along with the history and evolution of the disorder, past and current therapies, medications and coping strategies!
Extremely beneficial in helpful cope with my own experiences, revealing what Doctors could not diagnose in my daughter showing strong indications of possessing the disorder. A must have tool in dealing with and understanding BPD in its entirety!

1 of 1 people found this review helpful