How to Have Impossible Conversations

A Very Practical Guide

By: Peter Boghossian, James Lindsay

Narrated by: Peter Boghossian

Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins

Publisher's summary

From politics and religion to workplace negotiations, ace the high-stakes conversations in your life with this indispensable guide from a persuasion expert.

In our current political climate, it seems impossible to have a reasonable conversation with anyone who has a different opinion. Whether you're online, in a classroom, an office, a town hall—or just hoping to get through a family dinner with a stubborn relative—dialogue shuts down when perspectives clash. Heated debates often lead to insults and shaming, blocking any possibility of productive discourse. Everyone seems to be on a hair trigger.

In How to Have Impossible Conversations, Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay guide you through the straightforward, practical, conversational techniques necessary for every successful conversation—whether the issue is climate change, religious faith, gender identity, race, poverty, immigration, or gun control. Boghossian and Lindsay teach the subtle art of instilling doubts and opening minds. They cover everything from learning the fundamentals for good conversations to achieving expert-level techniques to deal with hardliners and extremists. This book is the manual everyone needs to foster a climate of civility, connection, and empathy.

"This is a self-help book on how to argue effectively, conciliate, and gently persuade. The authors admit to getting it wrong in their own past conversations. One by one, I recognize the same mistakes in me. The world would be a better place if everyone read this book."—Richard Dawkins, author of Science in the Soul and Outgrowing God

©2019 Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay (P)2019 Hachette Audio

Critic reviews

"This is a self-help book on how to argue effectively, conciliate, gently persuade. The authors admit to getting it wrong in their own past conversations. One by one, I recognize the same mistakes in me. The world would be a better place if everyone read this book."—Richard Dawkins, author of Science in the Soul and Outgrowing God

"In a Free Republic there would be no 'impossible conversations', which begs the question: are we truly free anymore? After reading, listening and conversing with Peter and James, I am convinced that they are the Galileo's, I. Kant and even William Tynsdale of our time."—Glenn Beck

"I thought I knew all I needed to know about conversations and arguments. I was wrong. I just knew a lot about debates and rows. In their insightful and highly readable new book, Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay offer all kinds of ingenious pathways to constructive dialogue. At a time when public discourse has degenerated into mud-slinging and when campuses favour every kind of diversity except viewpoint diversity, this is an invaluable contribution. I guarantee that reading it will make you more—much more—persuasive."—Niall Ferguson, Milbank Family Senior Fellow, The Hoover Institution, Stanford

Important Skills Spoiled By Author Opinions

The important skills are presented in a clear, easy to understand format. Unfortunately the author inserts his political opinions throughout the book, which makes the book far harder to listen to. I wish the author had taken his own advice and stuck the the solid rules he lays out for the reader instead.

Good Read

I would suggest this to anyone who has been having a difficult time having conversations with people with different views. I learned that I have not been listening and trying to throw facts at people. This is where I plan to start in my practice of having good conversations. Thank you for writing this book. I'm sure I will re-read it.

How2sow doubt while not seeming to poop on friends

"Conversations that remain civil empower you, and change even the staunchest of minds are possible--even across deep divides."
- Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay

My first take on this book was it was "a pretty good practical guide. Not perfect." But the more I read, the more the message of civility grinds into the walls of debate technique and manipulation. I don't think this book was written with good faith. It isn't about patching the divide between the right and the left, the godless and Jesusland. That is its mask. If you are looking for technique, the book is great. If you are looking at a modest/humble approach to civil conversations, there are bits that sparkle (think of a lure), but in the end it is a cynical to not appearing to be a troll by changing your techniques, but they actually seem to encourage just a more socially palatable form of trolling.

I am a bit disappointed. I felt that while giving a nod to distancing themselves from manipulations, the book was mostly just an extended "how to" for manipulation. I was hoping for more of a how to have civil conversations, and got how to sow doubt and win in the long-term by not shitting on your friends. I wish I still could have returned my book. I rarely do this with books, but if I had the opportunity to return it I would have. If I had the foresight to NOT purchase this book, I would have avoided it.

One note: both authors were part of the Grievance studies affair in 2017 and 2018.

No other book will be as relevant after COVID-19

I mean it. The conversations we are going to have, we MUST have, are going to be rather difficult. Peter and James are 'godsend' because they have given us a guide to make the most of these conversations. In a world after COVID-19, the world will talk . . . a lot. The question is, are we going to have impossible conversations and do something about them, or not? I would put all my money betting that, if we all read How To Have Impossible Conversations, we most certainly will.

PS - Peter offers an Easter Egg in the afterword. (It's worth it!).

The listener should expect more!

How to Have Impossible Conversations is disappointing because it promises so much and delivers so little. I purchased it because (1) i have a requirement that I place on myself that at least 10% of the sudiobooks I listen to will be non-fiction and (2) it was a $3.95 (the price of a good cup of coffee) Audible Daily Deal. The techniques that the authors say one should practice and drill are for the most part common sense. They also do not work when a conservative is seeking to exchange political views with a progressive because almost all progressives are unwilling to even talk with a conservative for fear it might changes their minds causing them isolation from other progressives.

Chapter 7, just before the end of the book, is a cursory discussion of concepts from Jonathan Haidt's excellent 2012 social psychology book The Righteous Mind. If listeners to the pablum of How to Have Impossible Conversations find themselves ordering Haidt's book that the meager offerings will be worthwhile.

What makes audiobooks a great medium is the quality of narration and thankfully there are many outstanding narrators. The authors would have done well to hire a professional narrator because Professor Boghossian stinks at it. I would apologize if I seem sarcastic but it's the book's fault! Now let's get back to some good fiction.

Great way to keep friends in tough conversations

Also great deescalation techniques. Should be required reading for any new business or relationship, awesome

prerequisite to civility

this book should be reading material for people of all backgrounds. in the age of Twitter president and cancel culture, it is of utmost importance to relearn the art of enjoying a conversation, no matter how much of difference of opinion exists.

It's jammed with helpful information

This book is extremely helpful, but it moves pretty fast. A course with study material, tests and labs could be developed from the knowledge contained within it - but only taught by instructors that have mastered the material and demonstrated high levels of proficiency in it. These conversational techniques should be taught along with logic in all schools in my opinion.

Life changing!

powered through this wonderful book and took a ton of notes. I loved it so much, I'm going to be buying the paper book as well. I am a long time street epistemology fan, and felt like this book was much more effective at changing minds, and more respectful than A Manual for Creating Atheist. I did like that book too minus some of his basic "bacon tho" arguments

amazing book

I thought I was decent at conversation until I read this book it changed my life

How to moderate your thoughts and speech

While this book gave me lots of food for thought, and contains interesting insights, research and ideas; it is a book about becoming more centrist/sounding more moderate, it is not a book that will help you converse about genuinely difficult or oppressive circumstances.

Statement of the obvious

I really hoped this book would teach you how to have those awkward conversations where you had to push past your anxiety and tell someone something that might’ve been hard to hear or something along those lines, ie a difficult conversation.
Instead it just focuses on a non-conflictual form of communication which reduces real verbal conflict to a minimum. Great for those who wish to appear meek. A grand tour in how to not say anything too pertinent that might offend. Backed up by science and years of research. Statement of the blooming obvious.

Succinct, As practical as advertised & Effective

A candidate for my answer to: 'If you could wave a magic wand and make everyone have read one book what would it be?'. This book provides an education in an essential meta-tool by which so many other problem could be mitigated, the endangered art of meaningful conversation.

Embarrassingly naive

The author pretty much lists out hypothetical conversations which would never occur in real life. Quite a few of his questions are aggressive and would offend most people. If he has had these conversations they are either alternatively motivated to participate or will despise this guy after the encounter.

Do not try this at home.

Recommended for anyone planning on having a conversation

A great listen, and presumably also a great read. Handy for both impossible and possible conversations.

Excellent information.

I've been a devotee of verbal judo, as taught by the late and lamented George Thompson and was given a copy of ' How to Win Friends and Influence People' as a teenager. This book extends those skills. I didn't learn a lot of completely new information, but current phraseology is helpful. What it mostly did for me, was allow me to see where my skills had rounded off, unfocused and slipped in their effectiveness.
I took a train ride, discovered my opposite passenger was a Tory, by way of political leaning, and played the game getting him to explain why their policies were better than mine. It was a few days before I got a tremendous Corbynista, and played the same game in reverse.
I think train and plane companies should sponsor this book and hire deliberate polemicists to enliven tedious commutes.

Great

This is a really great book. I've read several like it recently, but this is one of the best. Some really good tips about the structure of conversations in regards to difficult topics plus much more about daily interaction.

Very good

Boghossian and Lindsay are two of the most important voices in the anti-woke movement. This book helps the listener to begin to engage in politically controversial discussions with opponents and ideologies, offering pragmatic strategies for promoting civil conversation throughout. Highly recommend.

a well put together book

enjoyed reading this and learning about how to play verbal judo and understanding the frameworks upon which people build beliefs and how to slowly question those beliefs in a productive way would recommend this for anyone who wants to have more engaging debates

Highly recommend

So incredibly educational. Especially good for current times where conspiracy theories are more widespread and freedom of speech is in danger.