How Not to Kill Yourself

A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind

By: Clancy Martin

Narrated by: Clancy Martin

Length: 14 hrs and 33 mins

Publisher's summary

• 2023 Short-listed - Kiriyama Prize for Nonfiction

An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.”

“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.”

The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.

In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.

The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.

*Includes a downloadable PDF of resources and tools for crisis from the book

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2023 Clancy Martin (P)2023 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

• *A Finalist for the Kirkus Prize for Nonfiction*
• A New York Times Book Review Editor’s Choice
• One of the New York Times’ 9 New Books We Recommend This Week
• A Publisher’s Weekly Book of the Week
• One of The Millions’ Most Anticipated Books of the Year
• One of Lit Hub’s Most Anticipated Books of the Year

“Sui generis . . . a blunt and bracing read . . . as cogent and (yes) rational an account of the mind existing in the shadow of its own self-destruction as I have read . . . For all [Martin’s] focus on suicidal trauma, he is, most fundamentally, trying to write his way out from under it, to create a book not of death but of life.” —David Ulin, The Atlantic

“I can see [this book] becoming a rock for people who’ve been troubled by suicidal ideation, or have someone in their lives who is, and want to understand the mentality, which can seem utterly mystifying to the unafflicted. Swirling with anguish and argument, tempered by practicality, it airs an often taboo topic with the authority of someone writing what he knows — all too gruesomely well.” —The New York Times

“Idiosyncratic, beautiful, and studded with caveats: sometimes this trick won’t work, Martin concedes, and sometimes this other one won’t, either. Even he doesn’t always follow his own advice. It’s an admission of sorts—that so much great literature can be read, that so much work can be done, but that another day to survive is always approaching. The work of choosing to not kill yourself isn’t the act of making that choice one time but making it over and over again.” —The New Yorker

Trigger warnings

I struggle as the author did/does and found the book validating me as a human. He spoke my language and knew how human he is. I appreciate his sharing - often explicit, but if it had been sugar coated, he would have lost me.

I am inspired to stay alive.

Affirming

Professional but plainspoken, solipsism through a crystal-clear prism - too phony? reductive? Yes, yes. But I liked that I didn’t always like the work or him. That’s how I knew that I was in the hands of someone sincere. God bless those around the author… for reasons you can read about in the text.

Some readers less into may receive this heavy material more favorably or generously hearing it read aloud. He does good rueful laugh and laconic delivery.

Anyone with life experience in this subject should give this text a chance (and give life itself another shot, if in that subcohort).

Execeptional

This is a very good book. Heed not fragile, fashionable language about trigger warnings and so forth. This is a book for people interested in getting past fragility and taboos to find real wisdom. I deal with suicidality every day in my work, and this is the first book I’ve read in a very long time that really moves the ball forward. The writing is first-rate; can’t recommend highly enough.

Excellent.

Difficult topic that is refreshingly approached with blunt honesty and real self reflection. I enjoyed this book more than any book I’ve read in the last year.

Really fantastic

The tone of the book is on point- direct and funny, open and transparent. I appreciate the different perspectives and approaches to the topic, and is really helpful for those who have lost a loved one to suicide.

Raw, Haunting, and Wide-ranging

I’m glad I read this fascinating book, but it is a lot to digest.

The author recounts his own harrowing story, while also summarizing the sceintific research on suicide, surveying the best regarded literature and philosophy on the topic, and recounting the stories of famous deaths.

But this book is not only about suicide, and more specifically, chronic suicidal ideation, but also alcoholism, addiction, selfishness, AA, madness, and traumatic childhoods.

If Noonday Demon was a 70/30 ratio of research to memoir, this is probably the inverse of that.

The first two chapters were positively riveting. The book becomes a little slow and academic in the middle philosophical section and the last third is more redemptive and instructive. I think I will go by a hard copy in order to have the chapter on how to prevent suicide and the resources in the appendix.

An unforgettable book.

Insightful and Helpful

If you're interested in this topic or need a helpful guide while struggling with suicidal ideation, then please read this book. I found it a breeze to read. I realized that it was actually helping me as I read it, and I came away with profound realizations that address ways I can lessen my panic and anxiety. Plus it helps that the author has been there in the darkest places.

Wrong Audience

The title clearly is intended to appeal to people who struggle with suicidal ideation and are even potentially in a place of suicidal desperation, but that is the audience for whom this book is most likely to be harmful rather than helpful. I’m not a mental health care provider, but I have been active in suicide prevention for almost a decade and have been certified in several suicide prevention programs (YMHFA, ASIST, QPR, Soul Shop). I see the heart behind the author’s intentions, but there are several things that go directly against the training I’ve had. He is too graphic in discussing his lived experience with suicide, he is unintentional with the language he uses to talk about the topic, and at times it almost reads like a “how to,” by giving tips on how suicide can be used to manipulate loved ones into responding to things like alcohol addiction in softer ways.

All that said, I did indeed walk away with some practical tips on how to walk with others through seasons of suicidal desperation. If I would recommend the book at all, it would be to caregivers of people who live with frequent suicidal ideation, but be warned that you could easily be triggered as well.