Hold On to Your Kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

By: Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté MD

Narrated by: Gabor Maté MD, Daniel Maté

Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins

Publisher's summary

This parenting classic on one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time - peers replacing parents in the lives of children - is now more relevant than ever. The latest edition includes new material on how social media and video game culture are affecting our children, and what parents can do.

In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction - for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions.

©2008 Gabor Maté (P)2018 Vintage Canada

Critic reviews

"Hold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the 'context' of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad." (Dr. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other)

"Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously." (Peter A. Levine PhD, international teacher and author of the best-selling books Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won’t Hurt Forever, Guiding Your Child Through Trauma)

"The thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative - even inspirational - for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students." (Bulletin of the National Association of Secondary School Principals)

This book deserves 10,000 stars!

While I don’t believe this book is perfect, at times I thought the reasoning was winding and repetitive, the content is unmatched in its insight.

Never have I heard read anything about parenting that gave me such a clear sense of purpose of my own role and understanding into my children. The thing Neufeld writes rings so true. I remember feeling the exact things he talks about as a child.

This is not your typical parenting book with tricks and tips; if you have problem A, then apply solution B to solve. The onus is on the parent to understand the child’s developmental stage, their needs and their abilities, and provide the necessary comfort, boundaries, care, etc. Over time I have seen my family transform from what I learned from this book. I wish I could give every new parent this book!

A parenting reality check

Fantastic information for our times, guiding parents with practical examples on how to parent our children through the age of information overload.

A Good Lens

This book had the problem / solution format and was probably 65/35 on that split. It was a good read in terms of seeing a lens to view their take on the current state of affairs.
This was my first read on attachment parenting and I think (from my very limited vantage point) it was a good primer for the topic.

Transformational Book

This book really changed my perception of muy relationship with my son. as I read the book, it provided really good tools to use, and they are working. I'm highly impressed with the progress thus far with the attachment/ relationship with my son.

Mom to a teen

If you have a teenager this book will help understand so much of their behavior.

Great content

The content is great. The narration is really really dull. Once you get past that it’s good.

Changing paradigms of understanding

Thank you for this encouraging and informative book. It gets to the heart of why parent and child relationships break down and how these issues can be addressed.

Love

These concepts ring true to my experience! I will be recommending this evert one I know.

Daniel Maté does a Gollum impression in chapter 11

Jokes aside, I absolutely love this book. As a co-parent, finding a book that encapsulates what you feel about parenting. This does not only apply to children but also the reader. Recognizing how you grew up and what sort of attachments you engaged in can help you understand yourself and give words to complicated emotions. It's a must read for me.

Another perspective

I loved each section of the book. The unpacking of attachment between children and parents made so much sense as it relates to the problems young adults face today. Insightful read. 10/10.