• God, If You're Not up There, I'm F*cked

  • Tales of Stand-up, Saturday Night Live, and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem
  • By: Darrell Hammond
  • Narrated by: Darrell Hammond
  • Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars (1,012 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Tina Fey’s Bossypants meets David Carr’s The Night of the Gun in Darrell Hammond's groundbreaking memoir, God, If You’re Not up There, I’m F*cked - a raw look inside the troubled life and mind of an American comic genius. 

By turns poignant and hilarious, Hammond takes listeners from the set of Saturday Night Live, where he was the show’s longest tenured cast member, to the drug-ridden streets of Harlem and into the twisting corridors of his own unflaggingly humorous consciousness. Mingling behind-the-scenes stories from television’s best loved comedy series with a dark look inside a world-class funnyman, God, If You’re Not up There, I’m F*cked is a book sure to resonate with anyone who shares a talent for performance, a love of comedy, or a desire to know how an artist can climb from the deepest despair to the very top of his profession.

To hear Hammond tell stories from the book, live from New York’s Comedy Cellar, check out That’s Clinton!, also available on Audible. 

©2011 Darrell Hammond (P)2018 Audible, Inc.

Editorial Review

Spoken like a true comedian

I braced myself for the pain this memoir promised (or threatened), but getting to know one of my favorite SNL cast members of all time seemed worth the risk. In the SNL seasons I’ve watched, Darrell Hammond takes the cake for versatility, becoming virtually unrecognizable as himself in almost every disguise he's worn over the years. My favorite, of course, is his Sean Connery in Celebrity Jeopardy (sorry, Bill Clinton). And while I was tangentially aware of the fact that beneath those disguises was a survivor of abuse who struggled with addiction, to hear him open up about the lows he overcame on his road to recovery has been a rewarding and as you'd expect from Hammond, entertaining emotional journey. —Lavina K., Audible Editor

Editor's Pick

Heartache and Hilarity with an SNL Legend
"In the SNL seasons I’ve watched, Darrell Hammond takes the cake for versatility, becoming virtually unrecognizable as himself in almost every disguise he's worn over the years. My favorite, of course, is his Sean Connery in Celebrity Jeopardy. While I was tangentially aware of the fact that beneath them was a survivor of abuse and addiction, to hear him open up about the lows he overcame on his road to recovery has been a rewarding and—as you'd expect from Hammond—entertaining emotional journey."
Lavina K., Audible Editor

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What listeners say about God, If You're Not up There, I'm F*cked

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  • 08-12-18

A "must listen" for Hammond fans

A few years ago, I started reading "God, If You're Not There" on my Kindle. I abandoned it after a few pages, shocked by the dissonance between my image of Darrell Hammond and the reality. (Naive, I know.) Last week, when Audible released the audiobook narrated by the author, I decided to give this book another try. I'm glad I did.

"God, If You're Not There" is about Darrell Hammond's life, both the highs and the lows. He describes his struggle with mental illness, addiction, and abuse at the hands of his parents... that's difficult to listen to (and must have been difficult to narrate). But he also describes his career and includes several of his wonderful comedic impressions. He recounts his experiences from Saturday Night Live (which I absolutely loved, as an SNL fan), and notes that he refers fans to s Washington Post article in response to "Why aren't you playing Donald Trump anymore?"

The book also describes Hammond's recovery from addiction and finding peace. For me, this was the most satisfying part of the book. A very interesting audiobook by and about this talented comedian. Highly recommended!

28 people found this helpful

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This is the ideal book for Audible.

This book is horrifying, funny, captivating, hypnotic, and stunning. If you thought you knew Hammond from SNL, you know nothing. Darrell had a terrifying and devastating life of abuse, addiction, and survival. It's worth listening to for Hammond's stories, voices, memories, and hopefully, some uplifting hope that can arise out of horror. Don't miss this book!

12 people found this helpful

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Powerful story

I began listening to this audiobook expecting a mildly entertaining, funny, and light-hearted story. Oh my. It was not that at all. There were parts of the book that were funny, and there were parts that were light entertainment. But the main story is how Darrell Hammond was horribly abused by his mother, and how that abuse has affected him in negative ways all throughout his life. It's a story with a punch. I cannot begin to imagine the internal pain that Hammond lives with every day.

Back to the book: The first part of the book drags in many places (way too much time spent on his childhood baseball games). Try to make it through the first half, because the second half of the book is when Hammond really begins to describe his painful experiences, both as an adult and as a child. The second half is where the book becomes engaging. We learn about the source of his problems, which is the extreme abuse inflicted on him by his mother. The second half of the book is disturbing to listen to, but it's compelling.

If you're interested in Darrell Hammond at all I recommend this book. Just know that this book is a real memoir of Hammond's painful life, and it can be heavy and depressing at times.

6 people found this helpful

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I laughed, I cried, I healed.

I am not being facetious when I say that I laughed so hard I paid I cried so hard I choked and I healed so hard I slept well afterwards. I also have some unfortunate things in common with the author and I am terrifically grateful that I've been in therapy and have been able to avoid alcoholism. somehow I managed to avoid being a cutter. This insight into what celebrities life was very interesting. and hearing about the people that Darrell Hammond met like vice president Gore and of course President Clinton was hilarious and also very touching. Darrell Hammond, I wish you all the best. I saw you at Mohegan Sun when the Thunder was clapping back at you. if there is a God, he's on your side now.

10 people found this helpful

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Wow

I heard a snippet of an interview with Darrell Hammond on the Bob and Tom show where he mentioned his book. I’ve always been a fan so I decided to download and listen. I was blown away at his story and what he has been through. I have struggled with anxiety and depression in my life and listening to his story hit me on a very personal level.

4 people found this helpful

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Life changing.

This is a fantastic book. I’d recommend it over the actual book because Darrell Hammond is so damn good at voices. He does something amazing to imbue the mood of any situation into his voice, and then adds the characters flawlessly.

But that’s just the surface. The story of his life, in the context of living with severe mental illness and struggling to find peace, is something that needs to be shared. This book had a permanent impact on my life and how I see others.

13 people found this helpful

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listen to this

This guy is so much more than an artist, so much more than a comedian, so much more than a master of impressions. He's a genius. A genius who is surviving trauma. I'm pretty much obsessed with all things SNL. This book delivers on giving familiar and unique perspective on that "institution." But at the end of the day, what you get is insight into the human spirit.

3 people found this helpful

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Best. Book. Ever.

The author possesses both grace & style.To me he’s brilliant, introspective , courageous and insightful. Read very few reviews, usually in bed before SNL & saw the author only in little bleeps on YouTube.. ( I’m not hip). All that said, this book has me nearly speechless. It’s profound (for me) and a true story that’s mind boggling (to say the least). I’m dumbfounded . Much if it is about SNL and the life of all of that. If you are connected or a fan it’s going to be fun & enriching. If not so connected, it’ll still be good. Because it’s all really crucial to the story of this author’s life. His life is a song of a current ongoing miracle, and how THAT unfolds . It’s a story of unthinkable child abuse , the results and what had to transpire for this ultimate healing to begin for him. Firstly, he’s brilliant as a performer, in the WAY he chose to begin talking about who he became , why and the extreme life he lives . Also, his energy is intense and magnetic in essence (for me). The fact that the author is actually reading the story, using his own voice makes this book more than worth spending the time to have a listen. Now wait, at first I wasn’t paying close attention (remember I got it as a diversion, a break from more “serious” books ). But hanging I there I found I was at first concerned, worried and then startled. I cared. Still do. Want to just nuzzle up with him and back away simultaneously from his very VERY bright light. He’s unique, although saying that might not be something I’d say to his face. I found myself rooting for him, cheering for him along the way. I had to look up certain sexual terms and that was fun, too. Who knew? The guys had one heck of a ride & I’m left with hope . My wish is to hear him again in anything he wants to do for audible, Disney, documentaries, anything at all. My wish is to now go watch more of him on YouTube. He’s a star, a mentor to most anyone, a sincere guy. I LOVED the book. While I’d pay more money to hear about his discussions and struggles , memories and details of his childhood, I don’t think it’s possible for him to go through all that (and be healthy). I want only the sun on his heart from here on in. Thank him for the heart wrenching truth he was able to tell. I’ll never forget it. Hope is a big deal.

2 people found this helpful

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Out of tragedy comes triumph!

What everyone knows about Darrell Hammond... he’s a comedic giant. He is so very funny and his impressions are always spot on. I’m so glad he shares a few in this book as I miss seeing him regularly on SNL. What I think most don’t know about, including myself, is his tragic and abusive childhood. He opens his life and his heart in this book and proves there is never a clear path to overcoming obstacles. But with life experiences, time, rehab, introspection, and good therapy, each puzzle piece of his life forms a beautiful masterpiece.

2 people found this helpful

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Thank you!

Darrell
Thank you for this book. I listened to it at work and had to really use restraint not to laugh out loud. It made my work day go so much better. Thank you for sharing your journey.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 06-14-20

There is someone like me

Loved it. Made me laugh, cry and think. Felt like i met someone like me. With deep cuts in my soul but they can be healed.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 01-04-21

Bravo Darrell Hammond

Sharing his life story couldn't have been easy when it comes to the abuse he suffered - but this information is still presented with humour - Darrell's dry humour - which makes even the difficult subject matter an interesting and "entertaining" listen. Also a great resource book for trauma sufferers, tharapists and educators.

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  • Lizz
  • 06-26-21

Candid, funny, horrific, enlightening - Well worth the read

Darrell Hammond shares insights into how he came to work with voices and Impressions for SNL and so many more highs and lows.

The book has a deep honest and gripping narrative dealing with Trauma and it’s very real effects on the day to day ability to live. A heavy subject handled brilliantly.

The how of Darrell’s journey is quite a story in itself but the why of this story is much more harrowing, that’s where the real story begins.

Hammond shares his life candidly and shows both glimpses and deep insight into his life that changed his knowledge and personal understanding of himself and the monsters hiding in plain sight around him.

To anyone who may have experienced trauma, there are gems in Darrell’s experiences that may enlighten your own journey.

So glad I listened. Richer for the insights.

Thank you