Giles and Esther had a lovely night out at the theatre, but they’re suffering for it now.

As the hang overs clear and King Charles requests Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson not to take part in Royal Christmas engagements they wonder which of your relatives would you like to disinvite to Christmas lunch?

Perhaps the King should utter “Riddikulus!” a spell cast in Harry Potter when faced with a lurking pest. JK Rowling may be doing likewise as her public spat with Emma Watson has resurfaced. Do either deserve our sympathy?

Stop the press! The British Museum is hosting its own version of The Met Ball…sort of. But who on earth would want to be first name on the guest list? And last but by no means least Esther tests Giles’ fitness…but while he has a hangover.

And as always please do get in touch especially if you wish to divulge which of your relatives, you’d like to not attend Christmas: noidea@thetimes.com

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With more people employed in the parking industry then as full time soldiers are they up to the job of giving Putin a ticket? Giles turns to some great war films for inspiration:

“Did you issue the parking ticket!?”

“Goddam right I did!”

The Booker Prize announced its short list this week, with one notable omission and one baffling inclusion – Giles is not happy.

After the break is it too early in the year to put on the central heating – over to you dear listener. Recent research suggests that bravery is a more attractive trait than brawn. But what if your date is a psychopath who just likes starting fights...?

Lastly, yet another use for Bamboo.

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President Donald Trump has been honoured with a second state visit to the UK. He had a stay at Windsor castle, met Esther’s sister and took a trip to Chequers. But what would have given him a more realistic reflection of Great Britain? Join a queue, attend A&E, get stuck in a traffic jam…?

In his column last week, Giles incurred the wrath of Times readers…again. He wrote about the inflated guesstimates of the numbers attending the Tommy Robinson march. Confused as to why readers are so annoyed, he wonders if he is still in tune with the average reader?

After the break, a tribute to Hollywood great Robert Redford and who will win this year’s booker prize?

Please send your book recommendations or favourite Robert Redford films to: noidea@thetimes.com

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