Grundish and Askew

By: Lance Carbuncle

Narrated by: Brandon Paul Eells

Length: 7 hrs and 45 mins

Publisher's summary

Strap on your athletic cup and grab a barf bag. The Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle is going to kick you square in the balls and send you on a wild ride that may or may not answer the following questions: What happens when two white trash, trailer park-dwelling, platonic life partners go on a moronic and misdirected crime spree? Can their manly love for each other endure when one of them suffers a psychological bitch-slap that renders him a homicidal maniac? Will a snaggletoothed teenage prostitute tear them apart? What is the best way to use a dead illegal alien to your advantage in a hostage situation? What's that smell? And, what the hell is Alf the Sacred Burro coughing up? Carbuncle's latest offering, Grundish and Askew, ponders these troubling questions and more. So sit down, put on some protective goggles, and get ready for Carbuncle to blast you in the face with a warm load of fictitious sickness.

©2009 Vicious Galoot Books, Co. (P)2014 Vicious Galoot Books, Co.

Buy The Ticket. Take The Ride.

It's been a long time since I listened to a book in one sitting, but I could not set "Grundish and Askew" aside. Without a doubt, it is the funniest book I have ever read.

Grundish and Askew are two friends who are outlandish, socially inappropriate, and irreverent. I loved them, and knew them well by the ending of the novel.

Askew, whose family lineage has graced prisons for a couple of centuries, has simply bought one too many tickets to ride the crazy train, and just never got off. And Grundish,....well, I believe there is a whole lot more to Grundish. I'll let you decide for yourself.

Lance Carbuncle (now that's funny) has a writing style that reminds me a lot of Hunter S. Thompson. Carbuncle has more wit than Thompson, but also has that same gift of being able to create those flamboyant, unorthodox, flawed characters that draw you in without effort or thought.

The narrator was an exact match for this novel, and was character consistent. Impressive.

This book is graphic and the swearing is endless.. but somehow appropriate. It accurately reflects the characters and their way of life.

Reader, don't be overwhelmed by the reviews. It's ok. Just jump on the crazy train. Hunter S. Thompson would be the first to say, "Buy the ticket. Take the ride."

Excellent

What made the experience of listening to Grundish and Askew the most enjoyable?

AUDIO BOOK - A gift from the author for an honest review. Honestly, I loved it. This book is sick, disturbing and disgusting all at the same time. I am blown away by this authors vocabulary and the way he can figure out how to describe something with such vivid gory detail. Well done for a raunchy humorous book. The audio book story teller (if that is what he is called) does a fantastic job reading the book. He does a different voice for every character and this really brought the story to life for me. Thanks Lance for the free book.

Outstanding story!

What made the experience of listening to Grundish and Askew the most enjoyable?

The story was dynamic and well written. The author's descriptions are hilarious, brutal and are so gritty that they make you feel like you are a part of the mayhem. The narrator, Brandon Paul Eells, was fantastic, absolutely great. He had well developed voices for all of the difference characters. I want to listen to more of his books regardless of the content.

What was one of the most memorable moments of Grundish and Askew?

The frozen hotdog fight. The dead Mexican showdown. I could go on all day.

Which character – as performed by Brandon Paul Eells – was your favorite?

All of them.

If you could take any character from Grundish and Askew out to dinner, who would it be and why?

None of them. They are all terrible human beings but I thoroughly enjoyed reading about their terribleness. Well maybe I'd take the mystical dog out to dinner.

Any additional comments?

I immediately bought this and Carbuncle's two other novels.

Grundish and Askew

Would you listen to Grundish and Askew again? Why?

I'm not a re-reader or re-listener. Too many unread books out there waiting for me :)

What did you like best about this story?

I have a confession to make. This is not my first dance with Grundish and Askew. I read the book when it was first self published back in 2009 and my fondness for these never-do-well knuckleheads goes back farther than I've been blogging! So when Lance Carbuncle reached out to me a few months ago and asked if I'd give the audio a listen, you sure as shit better believe I said yes, I did.

The writing is wickedly smart and the raunch-factor is cranked up to an all time high as Carbuncle foreshadows the hell out of this buddy story. The Of Mice and Men references are like whoa and only a dolt like Askew wouldn't be able to smell what's coming for these two.

Though the writing's on the wall from the very beginning, you can't help but find yourself happily tagging along cause you know it's bound to be one helluva ride - head out the window, wind in your hair, fancy french cigarette stuck between your two front teeth, smiling and gagging the whole way there, you are.

What about Brandon Paul Eells’s performance did you like?

I had so much fun getting reacquainted with the characters this time around. Brandon Paul Eells did a bang-up job giving voice to each character.

Any additional comments?

How I missed our dimwitted duo.

The big ole bear of a man Grundish - always willing to take the heat for his overweight goofball of a BFF Askew, serving time in the big house so he don't have to, getting his rocks off by squatting in homes while the owners are away, leaving a unique and stinky "calling card" of sorts behind as a warning for them to appreciate the things they have.

The chronic word-abuser Askew - who regards Grundish as the brother he never had, frustratingly unable to control his ridiculously inappropriate and awkward impulses, a ticking time bomb of a bastard who just keeps fucking things up for everyone.

This down-on-their-luck two-some can't seem to catch a break, and the longer they stay in one place, the quicker things go from bad to worse for them and everyone around them.

There's the kid that mercilessly teases Grundish as he works his street-corner-standing, arrow-sign-wearing shit-end job, who gets a Reservoir Dogs reception when Askew finally catches up to him. And the unfortunately messy death of the 25 cent tipper.

These guys end up pairing off with Askew's poor ole one-lunged, second-hand-smoke-sniffing, make-a-meal-outta-whatever's-lying-around Great Aunt Turleen as she gets swept up in all the hubbub when her nursing home kicks her out for strangling the staff dog - god, this shit must run in the family. And a knock-kneed, quiet-mouthed hooker joins the group as an accessory to murder when they turn tail to ditch the fuzz, who're finally on their trail and looking to lock the boys up for good.

There's also a prosthetic penis, some skanky gas station bathroom sex that might cause your stomach to wretch, a couple of feet-licking dream dogs, and a dead Mexican who ends up tied to the top of Alf, the sweet and smelly vomit-ball-hacking Sacred Burro.

This is where we should be

Any additional comments?

I picked this up on Audible, it was the first audio book I’ve ever listened to and the narration and sound quality were topnotch, it really helped to carry the story. I’m on parole, I have chronic hepatitis c, my fiancé pays my rent, and the last time I was in West Palm Beach I got a felony for unfairly priced drugs. You could say that I fit the target demographic for this wonderfully absurd and foul-mouthed novel.

This book was reminiscent of Tim Dorsey (a much less talented f wad, also from Florida), but more outlandish and less contrived. It is a gamble for a writer to write hyperbole with comedic overtones; it can often come out as silly nonsense if the rhythm is even a little off. Carbuncle has an expert way of humanizing deeply flawed central characters, which makes you root for them, calibrating a polyrythmatic story in a very unique way. This was the personification of the dirty south, armed with caricatures finding themselves in hilarious situations. My girl and I listened to this audio book together and there were countless moments when we would look at each other and burst into laughter. I guess it takes a special kind of appreciation to find humor in bizzaro fiction because there is a gross-out factor involved. It could be argued that shock value is a cheap mechanism, unless it is effective. Let’s face it; our country is fat, overly medicated, and completely desensitized. The humor in popular culture has seemed to disown shock value and just think, over a decade ago one of our most iconic and beloved scenes in a comedy film something was dangling from Ben Stiller’s earlobe. It isn’t that people don’t find this kind of stuff funny; it’s that most attempts are ineffectual. Lance Carbuncle is a risk taker; he says things in fiction that multiple felons like me find funny.

And the setting…. This is a place where cultural ironies are at their absolute peak, where there are as many white gangsters as there are Republicans. He nailed its many idiosyncrasies and it has made me admire Mr. Carbuncle’s craft and hate Florida more than I already did.

Black Comedy

This was a "best bro" story about two completely different characters that somehow connect and understand each other. Loosley this was a more comical, insane and vulgar take on, Of Mice and Men. I think this author falls into the the same category as Christopher Moore and Carl Hiaasen. The Character development was great and it had a fast paced storyline but not for the prim and proper crowd. If your up for a gross and inappropriate, fun romp with two wild and crazy guys this may be for you.

Umm... Wow?!

Let me begin by saying- I read EVERYTHING! From Austen to Dickens to King and Straub to Hiiasen, Dorsey, Randy Wayne White and Lindsay to Gabaldon, MC Beaton to Heinlein to Tufo to... Well, you get the idea...

I received this book to review from the author and I really didn't know if I'd like even well enough to finish it. I finished in less than a day!

It is NOT for those who get all bent out of shape by "language" or graphic descriptions of sex acts or crude imagery. It IS for anyone who enjoys a good laugh and some of the wittiest, most original and well-constructed dialogue around. The main characters are three-dimensional folks who stay true to form throughout the book and - while I wouldn't want to invite them to dinner - may have been classmates of mine back in high school.

If you enjoy a good laugh and don't mind letting your hair down a bit - read this book. I did and now I'm off to pick up another by Lance Carbuncle to see what I missed last year.

Insert positive review headline here

Great fucking book, man!

And here's a few more words to meet the minimum requirement's to post a review.

Again, really great entertainment! what a ride. Thanks. Lance!