Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one....
This is a fantasy action-comedy which you have to hear. How often do you get to listen to a story where the villain is the protagonist? No, not an anti-hero, or a brooding monster....
A child of two worlds - belonging to neither, dangerous to both....
Gamer, geek, and legendary vampire - The Tome of Bill is the tale of an unlikely hero trying to survive in a world of undead horrors....
Powers are determined by geographic birth locations, and only the rich and powerful are permitted access to prized sites. SC is the first person born in space.
The punishment for....
Arthur Curie never expected to wind up in Hell. At least, not because he found an ancient sword in a pawnshop....
Angry that he wouldn't be known as the engineer who made Ultraweapon's force blasters, Cal resigns to chase after a bigger, better paycheck....
Rowan Sinclair has trained for a life in the shadows. As a member of the Guild, she's vowed to mercilessly hunt werewolves or die trying....
Cal Carver is having a bad day. Imprisoned and forced to share a cell with a cannibalistic serial killer, Cal thinks things can't possibly get any worse. He is wrong....
In a world full of super powers, Felix has a pretty crappy one....
Peter Stone is a poor, black vampire who is wondering where his nightclub, mansion, and sports car is. Instead, he is working a minimum wage job during the night shift....
Henry and Jason led normal lives in Seattle before they were abducted to another world. Their kidnapper, the vain, self-styled god Dolos, refuses to send them back....
How would you like to bust your hump for a large corporation without a wage or a single day off? It might change your mind that the job is to play a MMORPG game....
Tad Lonnerman is having a crappy day stuck in crappy traffic late to a crappy meeting. On the bright side, his game development career is the only non-crappy thing he has going for him....
Chris Gordon is a rookie with the NYPD - one with a secret. In his spare time Chris is an exorcist without equal, with a gift from God....
Seamus is facing life in prison without parole. While doing his time, he's given an option by the Department of Justice and the biggest virtual game maker around, Mindblown Entertainment....
Nate Temple's all-consuming quest to avenge his parents is temporarily put on hold when shape-shifting dragons invade St. Louis....
When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire.
And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.
As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire - too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead - he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have…and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.
Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.
HE'D GIVEN UP DAYTIME AND DONUTS
Don't let the cover of the book fool you. This is a well written book with a great central character. It is not LOL funny, not like Moore's Vampire series, but it is smile funny. I am a sucker for misfit type books and a FAT VAMPIRE is a misfit vampire. It took me a little while to warm up to it, but by the middle of the book, I could not stop listening. I especially love the theme of the book. I am buying book two. When you buy and listen to the book, don't give up until the little girl enters the picture. The story really took off from there.
The narrator reads real slow, I put him on 1.25 and he sounded normal. At 1.5 he would probably still sound normal.
35 of 39 people found this review helpful
What would have made Fat Vampire better?
Not having to listen to it in the first place.
What was most disappointing about Johnny B. Truant’s story?
Every overblown, formulaic, long winded moment.
What didn’t you like about Matt Josdal, VOplanet Studios’s performance?
narration was OK editing, and production were crap at best.
What character would you cut from Fat Vampire?
All of them.
Any additional comments?
again save your credit.
1 of 1 people found this review helpful
Bram Stoker wrote the rules on vampires. Those rules held firm until Anne Rice came along. She changed the rules and upped the sexy. Now, vampires are everywhere and come in myriad varieties. There are sparkly vampires, time traveling vampires, no-need-for-blood vampires, demon vampires, Christian vampires — all kinds of vampires. Authors have been set free from the Stoker and Rice rules, but apparently, one rule remains. Vampires must be hot. Dead, apparently, is sexy. It’s the unbreakable vampire rule. Until now.
Johnny B. Truant has written a hilarious book about a …you guessed it … fat vampire. Turns out, dead really isn’t so sexy after all. Just ask Reginald.
Reginald Baskin is an overweight, middle-aged cog in the modern corporate machine. He’s totally average, completely ordinary, except that he is fat. Very, very fat. Reginald is a playground bully’s wet dream — that kind of fat.
When Reginald goes on a rare evening out with the new guy at the office, he gets a lot more than he bargained for. What he gets is dead. Vampires have to be hot, right? Everybody knows that, so Reginald is initially pretty stoked. But it soon becomes clear that the “hot” rule is not going to apply to him. His maker informs him that when people make the decision to become one of the undead, they train relentlessly to acquire the body and skills that they’ll have for eternity. Over time, their natural talents and aptitudes will get a boost, but it’s not a sure bet from the outset. Since Reginald’s turning was a spur of the moment situation, he’s destined to spend eternity in his own, fat body.
Reginald’s efforts to thwart the realities of his new existence were both touching and entertaining. Sure, this is a vampire tale, and we all know there are enough of those around, but Truant goes out of his way to avoid all the usual vampire tropes and tells a fresh story with humor as its anchor.
The author’s conversational style and tone is a perfect fit for spoken narration. From the second I started Fat Vampire, it was as though I’d just sat down at the local pub, and the guy next to me said, ‘Hey, let me tell you what happened to this guy I know.’
3 of 4 people found this review helpful
I really like the idea of an overweight vampire. It's fresh and new and it promises something different. Alhough it was original it really didn't take off. Wasn't as clever as I hoped it would and it falls a little flat. No believability in dialog or characters either. There were some great ideas, but all and all it reminds me of a rough draft. In different hands this story really could have turned out well.
8 of 12 people found this review helpful
Fun orig story, good for listening to while wkg. Great narrator. Relatable characters, satisfying ending
What did you love best about Fat Vampire?
Wasn't sure I would like this book, but man, it was funny and witty. I drive for a living and the audible book was great. Would love to hear the other books, but I can't see paying over $10 for a 4 hour audiobook. Maybe the author will put together a package like with the kindle edition.
Any additional comments?
Follow up books in the series are too expensive for as short as they are on audible. That keeps me from buying them.
Yeah, it's good, clever, entertaining. But it's 4 hours. The series will have to be heavily discounted before I spend a credit or 10.95 on a 4 hour book. 2 for one would work for me.
But it is entertaining for those curious and not bothered by the length.
1 of 2 people found this review helpful
Any additional comments?
I listened to this book while on a road trip with my (adult) daughter. We both loved it. I was afraid it might be a fat-hating book or a book that made fun of people who were not thin. Instead it was a surprisingly fun book with great characters on a real adventure. It used some of the traditional vampire tropes, but also upended a lot of the tropes in a really fun way. I'm excited to read the sequels.
This is a very entertaining, well written book. I loved it and I will buy the sequels.
I loved this story. It was fun and a whole different take on vampires. Johnny I am loving you guys lately. Keep up the good work.
This book is so funny. I had wondered myself what would happen if someone was 'turned' while fat. This book answers that question better than I could have hoped for. Funny, sad and poignant, in society's obsession with physical perfection, even vampire society. Loved it.
What did you like most about Fat Vampire?
I found it very funny, witty and a roller coaster of what's going to happen at the end.
Any additional comments?
This is a really great take on vampires. I enjoyed the narrator, Matt Josdal, he did a great job bringing all the charactes to life with the different tones and inflictions for their voices. I really loved Reginald, such a likeable guy. Loved his relationship with Maurice, Clare and Nicki. Can't wait for the next one, so off to buy that now.