We are currently making improvements to the Audible site. In an effort to enhance the accessibility experience for our customers, we have created a page to more easily navigate the new experience, available at the web address www.audible.com/access .
 >   > 
Bill the Vampire Audiobook

Bill the Vampire

Regular Price:$17.99
  • Membership Details:
    • First book free with 30-day trial
    • $14.95/month thereafter for your choice of 1 new book each month
    • Cancel easily anytime
    • Exchange books you don't like
    • All selected books are yours to keep, even if you cancel
  • - or -

Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (1090 )
5 star
 (557)
4 star
 (344)
3 star
 (128)
2 star
 (41)
1 star
 (20)
Overall
4.2 (1004 )
5 star
 (510)
4 star
 (298)
3 star
 (133)
2 star
 (39)
1 star
 (24)
Story
4.3 (999 )
5 star
 (539)
4 star
 (287)
3 star
 (128)
2 star
 (31)
1 star
 (14)
Performance
Sort by:
  •  
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 06-01-13
    colleen ANCHORAGE, AK, United States 06-01-13 Member Since 2017
    HELPFUL VOTES
    3022
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    206
    129
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1004
    12
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Cute-almost funny"

    Great book for the young adult. Tries out an original story line but falls back on the old tried and true Vampire lore. Not a bad attempt. Not a thriller, Not that funny, just okay.

    19 of 26 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Maddie 05-14-17
    Maddie 05-14-17 Member Since 2015
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    19
    1
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "didn't even make it half way through"

    gross misogyny, homophobia, and ableist slurs abound. completely unnecessary and makes me want to punch the author in the face. The narrator's voice is so obnoxious. so mad I wasted my money on this book.

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Sue Washington State 03-12-16
    Sue Washington State 03-12-16 Member Since 2013
    HELPFUL VOTES
    80
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    100
    47
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    2
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Solidly Not Disappointing"
    What did you love best about Bill the Vampire?

    The geek factor was well integrated into the story, reminiscent of Blood Sucking Fiends, overall good book


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    Gee, let me think, Blood Sucking Fiends comes to mind.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    Him getting mugged.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    The Big Fang Theory


    Any additional comments?

    Much better book than it could have been, not a bad effort at all, good enough I'm buying the sequel

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
    60
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    30
    16
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Better read than listened to"
    Any additional comments?

    Definitely worth a read. The narrator has a good voice, unf, he doesn't "do voices," so all characters sound the same. I found this frustrating. I ended up reading (most of) the book on an android tablet, and imagining voices from the "Monster Hunters International" narrator (sorry, can't remember his name)

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Tracy64 USA 06-26-14
    Tracy64 USA 06-26-14 Member Since 2011
    HELPFUL VOTES
    283
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    973
    59
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    17
    14
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Fun, fun, fun!!!!!"

    Vampires, geeks, humor & great story. Characters were great too. Narrator did and awesome job. Am downloading the next two in the series as I type this. Well worth the credit or the price!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Cliff madison, MS, United States 07-25-13
    Cliff madison, MS, United States 07-25-13 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1089
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    264
    209
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    123
    1
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Fun and Refreshing"
    Where does Bill the Vampire rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

    I have listened to about 500 audiobooks now (man I need to get a life). I would say this one is above average. The story and characters are interesting and I enjoy seeing a new take on a genre that has been done to death. I like the book because (unfortunately) I can identify with the main character in many ways. It almost reads like what would happen if I or one of my friends were in the situation in the book.

    The main thing I enjoyed about the book is the snarky sense of humor. I found myself laughing out loud several times while listening to this book. The constant, nerd pop-culture references which seem to becoming maditory in urban fantasy are here but handled in a very entertaining way. The story and world the author created is interesting and fun. He definitely left me wanting more!

    I will put a warning out there. If you are big into politcally correct behavior you will want to pass on this book. This is written from the point of a good guy without any PC filter whatsoever. It is clear as the book goes on this is just the sense of humor and coping mechanism for the main character but if you are sensitive you might get your feelings hurt.

    Also, please keep in mind this book is for adults. This is definitely one I would not listen to with my 12 year old daughter. Overall, the book was enjoyable. I liked the characters and the humor was great! It isn't Tolstoy. If you want depth go somewhere else. It it is a light, fun, refreshing read and is a great pallet cleanser after reading heavier or more complex books.


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    I can't really find a similar book. It has a lot of the standard urban fantasy elements but has a much different viewpoint on vampires than other novels. The author takes so pretty funny jabs at tropes from the slew of other vampire novels. If you like Jim Butcher or Kevin Hearne you will more than likely enjoy this book.


    What three words best describe Christopher John Fetherolf’s voice?

    Funny, Snarky but somewhat limited. He does a good job with the main character but the majority of the voices in the book sound like the same character. Still, overall I have no problems with the narrators performance.


    Who was the most memorable character of Bill the Vampire and why?

    The main character. He is kind of a bumbling dufus but with a good heart. The main character and his inner circle are fun and the type of people I would pal around with. The constant snapping and sarcasm of the characters would fit in well with most of the people I know. I like how he takes the world in stride and isn't the usual emo vampire we have come to expect.


    Any additional comments?

    After finishing this book I went ahead and got the rest of the series. I think that says it all.

    11 of 16 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer Pickering 03-11-13
    HELPFUL VOTES
    12
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    56
    10
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    1
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Total Dude Book - seriously."
    What was one of the most memorable moments of Bill the Vampire?

    When he realized he was the bomb


    Any additional comments?

    It took me a couple chapters to decide if I loved or hated the book. Then I realized what I was not sure about was the "total guy point of view". Once I excepted I was listening to a dude's point of view (his smelly gym socks and all) I found myself really rooting for him. Now I am on Team Bill...that stupid lovable bastard.

    6 of 9 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14 Member Since 2017
    HELPFUL VOTES
    112
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    123
    29
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    5
    2
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Subtitle: A manual on how NOT to build a man."

    “Killing a hot chick is like clubbing a baby seal”

    If your ok with that quote then you’ll enjoy the book. The book paints programmers and geek culture with a huge brush. It assumes that most of them are game playing, bros before hoes, doll (action figure) collecting, social rejects one step away from the cave. Id say they talk about women as adolescents would but that assumes that boys are born with these beliefs. Out of the men in the book not one of them shows respect for or talks highly of any women unless their referencing their appearance. Bill and his friends are all about how women look or how they can get laid by them. The book is awash in stereotypes. Misogyny might be taking it too far but its certainly something that needs to be thought about. The strongest female character in the book helps Bill acquire power and keeps him from getting killed and his attitude is one of entitlement. "What more will she do for me?". They even make fun of it, Bill assumes that the female lead was a stripper because she’s beautiful (in this book you can’t be pretty and not be a stripper or hooker). She takes offense and begins to tell him that she was pursuing her PHD before she was turned. Then while Bill is trying to come up with an apology she tells him she’s kidding and that she really was a stripper.

    Im bothered by the message that books like this send. We have enough problems attracting women and girls into technology related fields without encouraging and promoting a flat out hostile environment. Its such a huge part of the story that its hard to ignore. Its one comment after another.

    Now for rest of the book.. I like that Bill is snarky. He’s the kind of guy that id like to be if I was getting the crap kicked out me. Rather than whining about how painful a steel toed boot to the head is Id have a quick come back that would make the beating worth it. Thats kinda how Bill is. I laughed a bit at some of his quips listening to the book. I also like that Bill can’t keep his mouth shut about being a vampire. All his friends know and its cool that they don’t freak out about it and help him keep his secret. The narrator has a good voice for Bill as well.

    A question I ask. Is this book worth listening to if the result is that it violates my own since of ethics? I donno, for now I’m going to assume that Bill is going to learn and grow. Im hopeful that he will change. As for my recommendation. There are plenty of books with awesome snarky characters out there I can recommend that don’t treat women as the next lap dancer. Look at the “Dresden Files”, or “IronDruid”, or the “Greywalker series”. They have great female characters and any of those books will be enjoyable and without the possible misogyny you’ll get here.

    6 of 10 people found this review helpful
  •  
    A_Moore 11-13-17
    A_Moore 11-13-17 Member Since 2015
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    17
    11
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "First book in the Tomb of Bill series."

    The story of Bill Ryder as he starts his new life in undeath.

    Nerdy programmer finds his bearing in his new SoHo coven while working his old dead end job. If you enjoy this book check out the the volumes which have the first four in one so you can binge the series. 😁

    AUDIBLE 20 REVIEW SWEEPSTAKES ENTRY

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brita 10-18-17
    Brita 10-18-17 Member Since 2016
    HELPFUL VOTES
    1
    ratings
    REVIEWS
    107
    6
    FOLLOWERS
    FOLLOWING
    0
    0
    Overall
    Performance
    Story
    "Sarcastic and Funny"

    I quite enjoyed the humor. have to admit i was saying just drink his blood already during the last fight scene...

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

Report Inappropriate Content

If you find this review inappropriate and think it should be removed from our site, let us know. This report will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.

Cancel

Thank you.

Your report has been received. It will be reviewed by Audible and we will take appropriate action.