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Bill the Vampire Audiobook

Bill the Vampire

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Publisher's Summary

There are reasons we fear the night. He isn't one of them.

Bill Ryder was a dateless dweeb...then he died. Unfortunately for him that was just the beginning of his troubles. He awoke to find himself a vampire, one of the legendary predators of the night. Unfortunately for him, he was still at the bottom of the food chain.

Now he finds himself surrounded by creatures stronger, deadlier and a whole lot cooler than he is. Worst yet, they all want him dead...permanently this time.

Bill isn't exactly average, though. A vampire like him hasn't been seen in centuries. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, unlikely allies, and an attitude problem that makes him too damn obnoxious to quit.

Join him in this hilarious tale of monsters, mayhem, and the unlikely hero who's not afraid to tell them all off...even if it gets his teeth kicked in.

©2011, 2012 Rick Gualtieri (P)2012 Rick Gualtieri

What Members Say

Average Customer Rating

4.3 (900 )
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4.3 (823 )
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Performance
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  •  
    Sue Washington State 03-12-16
    Sue Washington State 03-12-16 Member Since 2013

    I am an avid lover of books and stories. Audible has provided a great outlet for me to read when otherwise I couldn't. I love dogs.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Solidly Not Disappointing"
    What did you love best about Bill the Vampire?

    The geek factor was well integrated into the story, reminiscent of Blood Sucking Fiends, overall good book


    What other book might you compare Bill the Vampire to and why?

    Gee, let me think, Blood Sucking Fiends comes to mind.


    Which scene was your favorite?

    Him getting mugged.


    If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

    The Big Fang Theory


    Any additional comments?

    Much better book than it could have been, not a bad effort at all, good enough I'm buying the sequel

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Rachel Hill SPRING, TEXAS, US 05-06-15
    Rachel Hill SPRING, TEXAS, US 05-06-15
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    "♡ B I L L the V A M P I R E ♡"

    Was very hesitant to purchase this audiobook. I've been an almost daily audible listener for 2 years; for 3 years before that I would listen 4x a week minimum. All together I've been a very happy audible member for 5 years. When I buy a new audiobook it has to be in a series, and is usually compared to my favs. Basically it kills me when, after completing a really great book, I go to the audible shop & find that nothing comes after it, EVER.

    When your favs are THE DRESDEN FILES, HOLLOWS SERIES, IRON DRUID CHRONICLES, MONSTER HUNTER INTERNATIONAL, THE GRIMNOIR TRILOGY, and many many more similarly amazing book series... it can be tough to find others that can meet, or even come close to touching, the high standards you've (unknowingly) set.

    Bill the Vampire pleasantly surprised me! When I realized there was about 33 minutes left, immediately I went to the shop, bought book 2, and downloaded it; had to be prepared to start it right after hearing "we hope you have enjoyed this program". Give it a try; hopefully you'll find that it's funny, witty, interesting, kind of quirky, no touchy feely romance or love triangles, with a few new vampire ideas , and best of all it's about "real" vampires (that burst into flames where sunlight touches, not start to shimmer & sparkle like they fell into the glitter supply closet at an all girls tween summer camp... Hoping my lame joke shows I have no intention of offense whatsoever toward the Twilight Saga author, millions love it,
    & though not my kind of thing, I respect the work).

    TRY IT!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14
    Amazon Customer Livermore, CA, USA 09-05-14 Member Since 2016

    who am I?

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Better read than listened to"
    Any additional comments?

    Definitely worth a read. The narrator has a good voice, unf, he doesn't "do voices," so all characters sound the same. I found this frustrating. I ended up reading (most of) the book on an android tablet, and imagining voices from the "Monster Hunters International" narrator (sorry, can't remember his name)

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14
    Amazon Customer USA 06-26-14 Member Since 2011

    Mother of 8, grandmother of 12, RN and book nerd

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Fun, fun, fun!!!!!"

    Vampires, geeks, humor & great story. Characters were great too. Narrator did and awesome job. Am downloading the next two in the series as I type this. Well worth the credit or the price!

    1 of 1 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Jennifer Pickering 03-11-13

    Supernatural Fan. Lifelong audiophile.

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Total Dude Book - seriously."
    What was one of the most memorable moments of Bill the Vampire?

    When he realized he was the bomb


    Any additional comments?

    It took me a couple chapters to decide if I loved or hated the book. Then I realized what I was not sure about was the "total guy point of view". Once I excepted I was listening to a dude's point of view (his smelly gym socks and all) I found myself really rooting for him. Now I am on Team Bill...that stupid lovable bastard.

    6 of 9 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14
    Brian Oshkosh, WI, United States 08-27-14 Member Since 2016

    Im some guy in Oshkosh, WI that walks to work and has found the joy of listening to good books and values good narrators :).

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "Subtitle: A manual on how NOT to build a man."

    “Killing a hot chick is like clubbing a baby seal”

    If your ok with that quote then you’ll enjoy the book. The book paints programmers and geek culture with a huge brush. It assumes that most of them are game playing, bros before hoes, doll (action figure) collecting, social rejects one step away from the cave. Id say they talk about women as adolescents would but that assumes that boys are born with these beliefs. Out of the men in the book not one of them shows respect for or talks highly of any women unless their referencing their appearance. Bill and his friends are all about how women look or how they can get laid by them. The book is awash in stereotypes. Misogyny might be taking it too far but its certainly something that needs to be thought about. The strongest female character in the book helps Bill acquire power and keeps him from getting killed and his attitude is one of entitlement. "What more will she do for me?". They even make fun of it, Bill assumes that the female lead was a stripper because she’s beautiful (in this book you can’t be pretty and not be a stripper or hooker). She takes offense and begins to tell him that she was pursuing her PHD before she was turned. Then while Bill is trying to come up with an apology she tells him she’s kidding and that she really was a stripper.

    Im bothered by the message that books like this send. We have enough problems attracting women and girls into technology related fields without encouraging and promoting a flat out hostile environment. Its such a huge part of the story that its hard to ignore. Its one comment after another.

    Now for rest of the book.. I like that Bill is snarky. He’s the kind of guy that id like to be if I was getting the crap kicked out me. Rather than whining about how painful a steel toed boot to the head is Id have a quick come back that would make the beating worth it. Thats kinda how Bill is. I laughed a bit at some of his quips listening to the book. I also like that Bill can’t keep his mouth shut about being a vampire. All his friends know and its cool that they don’t freak out about it and help him keep his secret. The narrator has a good voice for Bill as well.

    A question I ask. Is this book worth listening to if the result is that it violates my own since of ethics? I donno, for now I’m going to assume that Bill is going to learn and grow. Im hopeful that he will change. As for my recommendation. There are plenty of books with awesome snarky characters out there I can recommend that don’t treat women as the next lap dancer. Look at the “Dresden Files”, or “IronDruid”, or the “Greywalker series”. They have great female characters and any of those books will be enjoyable and without the possible misogyny you’ll get here.

    5 of 9 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Maddie 05-14-17
    Maddie 05-14-17 Member Since 2015
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    "didn't even make it half way through"

    gross misogyny, homophobia, and ableist slurs abound. completely unnecessary and makes me want to punch the author in the face. The narrator's voice is so obnoxious. so mad I wasted my money on this book.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    L. Ball 02-04-17
    L. Ball 02-04-17 Member Since 2017

    lue girls

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    "Amusing, hilarious, action packed, lots of fun"

    I didn't know what to expect with this book. But if you enjoy snarky humor and go into this book with a open mind I think you will enjoy it. Lots of action, jokes, gore, and fun. Audio is also good.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer Salton City, CA 12-08-16
    Amazon Customer Salton City, CA 12-08-16 Member Since 2016

    Lost

    HELPFUL VOTES
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    "fun romp"

    William, cough, Bill is a geek, now he is an undead geek surrounded by a group of vamps. Not just any vamps but the asshole cool kids crowd we all met up with in High School, and they aren't planing on giving Bill a swirly. How will our protagonist survive? Will his years of battle prevail or will the fact that all his Batley experience come with points and where handed out with a d20 mean he's screwed?

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful
  •  
    Amazon Customer 10-29-16 Member Since 2015
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    "Language"

    Probably a good book but the constant vulgar language was not necessary. A few less fu**s and so on would be helpful to enjoy the story.

    0 of 0 people found this review helpful

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