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Fat Vampire
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 3 hrs and 58 mins
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Fat Vampire
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Publisher's Summary
Death Has a Whole New Appetite.
When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a 2,000-year-old vampire.
And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's further bad luck that he wakes to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever created...doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.
But as Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire (too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead), he discovers rare powers in himself that few vampires have...and just in time, because the Vampire Council wants him destroyed as an inferior representative of their race.
Perfect for fans of Rick Gualtieri's Tome of Bill series or Drew Hayes' Fred the Vampire Accountant series, Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.
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What listeners say about Fat Vampire
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- BikeVON
- 09-01-20
A new kind of vampire
Yes, there is fat shaming in this book. If that will offend you this is not for you. Reginald weighs 300 pounds and is grossly overweight. He is comfortable choosing to enjoy his junk food. He is uncomfortable with people who bully him and tends to go along with the harassment. He befriends a co-worker, Maurice, who happens to be a vampire. An unfortunate set of actions culminate Maurice turning Reginald into a vampire. Since vampirism locks a person into their state at death, he's a fat vampire. Reginald is also challenged in many other vampire traits, i.e. drinking blood. His maker explained, there is a formal process where a person attends a mandatory boot camp to get into top physical shape before they are turned. Since that was not done, nor did Maurice has permission to change make a vampire they had to see the Vampire Council.
The Vampire Council “requested” his presence where he must perform many physical challenges. How he does determines if he will live or die. This is a story to cheer for the underdogs. We see our imperfections and can relate to some of Reggie’s feeling. We have hope for him as well as ourselves. Enjoy the story of an imperfect vampire and have a good laugh.
2 people found this helpful
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 01-25-23
My take on Fat Vampire
The beginning of the story is great altho the story has tons of vulgar language and i feel the character development is sub par. The book is funny tho so i would recommend
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Overall3 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story3 out of 5 stars
- Kindle Customer
- 12-21-21
Audible is only 4 hrs long
Audible is only 4 hrs long. which is way too short for the price. I will wait until the price drops for the nex books or they get bundled.
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meh
- By Anonymous User on 10-12-19
By: Johnny B. Truant
-
Fatpocalypse
- Fat Vampire, Book 5
- By: Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 21
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 21
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 21
The new vampire president and his psychotic right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace...but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them - with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves.
By: Johnny B. Truant
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Fat Vampire 2: Tastes Like Chicken
- By: Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 4 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 37
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 34
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 34
Angels and demons, myths and legends. It's been six months since Reginald Baskin became a vampire too fat to live happily with the beautiful undead - six months in which Reginald and his 2,000-year-old maker Maurice have learned that safety does not come with power. These days, Maurice is deacon of the vampire nation, but plenty beneath Maurice are still plotting to depose him...or dispose of him. But when a new and ancient threat rears its head, the Nation faces extinction and the truest of deaths - and Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki might be the only vampires able to stop it.
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3 out of 5 stars
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just too short
- By Ben on 05-05-21
By: Johnny B. Truant
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Fat Vampire
- A Never Coming of Age Story
- By: Adam Rex
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall3 out of 5 stars 45
-
Performance3.5 out of 5 stars 30
-
Story3 out of 5 stars 30
Doug Lee is undead quite by accident... attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and 15 forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it's just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her - hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated.
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1 out of 5 stars
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I had to give up...
- By Westly on 05-08-12
By: Adam Rex
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Survival of the Fattest
- Fat Vampire, Book 6
- By: Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 17
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 16
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 16
Forty years have passed since the end of the vampire/human war. Vampires have taken over the planet and have settled in, making themselves comfortable in the infrastructure their predecessors built, with just a few adjustments to ensure a permanent night. Humans still exist, tightly controlled, because the alpha species needs to eat. But even after four decades of peace, Reginald can't shake his conviction that the war never really ended - that the archive he still holds in his blood warns of an ominous change on the horizon.
By: Johnny B. Truant
-
All You Can Eat
- Fat Vampire, Book 3
- By: Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 4 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 24
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 22
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 22
Immortality has met its match. Ever since the ring of fire, the world's vampires have seen their mortality. They won’t live forever after all - not if the angels who created them decide to snuff them like candles. What do the angels want? What did their command to “restore balance” truly mean? For most, the angels’ decrees mean mass murder and mass turnings...but the humans aren’t sheep, and won’t just lie down and take it forever. As Deacon Maurice tries to maintain order with Reginald by his side, panic consumes the vampire nation.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Chapters are put of order
- By Amazon Customer on 08-06-22
By: Johnny B. Truant
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Harder Better Fatter Stronger
- Fat Vampire, Book 4
- By: Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 4 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 21
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 19
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 19
Following Maurice's near-assassination and the overthrow of the American vampire council, Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki have fled to Luxembourg, where they've taken refuge under the protection of Karl Stromm and the EU Council. Things in America have continued towards chaos with no end in sight - until a coup shakes the world and a new American leader arrives with promises to restore order and derail the imminent human-vampire war.
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3 out of 5 stars
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meh
- By Anonymous User on 10-12-19
By: Johnny B. Truant
-
Fatpocalypse
- Fat Vampire, Book 5
- By: Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 21
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 21
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 21
The new vampire president and his psychotic right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace...but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them - with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves.
By: Johnny B. Truant
-
Contact
- Alien Invasion, Book 2
- By: Sean Platt, Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 9 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,370
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,268
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 1,263
Find the missing. Fear the found. Three months have passed since the aliens' arrival, but little has changed in the skies. Motherships still hover, impervious to attack and communication. Spherical shuttles ferry about with unclear intentions. But the abductions of select humans have ended, and most of those taken have been returned - dazed, incoherent, and prophesying glory or doom, but home where they belong. Still, nine seemingly unconnected people remain missing.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Wait....what just happened???
- By Niki Thomas on 02-10-16
By: Sean Platt, and others
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The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9,151
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,444
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 8,439
Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos of the parahuman world.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Stories are great, not crazy about the format
- By Sugarpucker on 08-10-15
By: Drew Hayes
-
Invasion
- Alien Invasion, Book 1
- By: Sean Platt, Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 3,360
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 3,139
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 3,123
They are coming. The countdown has begun. First visible only as blips on a telescope image, the discovery of objects approaching from Jupiter's orbit immediately sets humanity on edge. NASA doesn't even bother to deny the alien ships' existence. The popular Astral space app (broadcasting from the far side of the moon and accessible by anyone with Internet) has already shown the populace what is coming.
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1 out of 5 stars
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"terrible, absolutely terrible"
- By Andre M. Nel on 08-02-18
By: Sean Platt, and others
-
The Book of Levi
- The Demon Accords, Book 0.5
- By: John Conroe
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 387
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 357
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 357
How do you raise a boy who can bend reality with his mind? How do you keep him levelheaded, sane, and good? Raising any child is a tremendous undertaking, let alone one blessed by the goddess herself. Levi Guildersleeve, retired soldier and successful collector of rare books, finds himself as the only male role model of the most powerful witch ever born.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
3rd Times a Charm!
- By Keith on 11-30-22
By: John Conroe
-
Day Zero
- A Novel
- By: C. Robert Cargill
- Narrated by: Vikas Adam
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,255
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,129
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,124
It was a day like any other. Except it was our last.... It’s on this day that Pounce discovers that he is, in fact, disposable. Pounce, a styilsh "nannybot" fashioned in the shape of a plush anthropomorphic tiger, has just found a box in the attic. His box. The box he'd arrived in when he was purchased years earlier, and the box in which he'll be discarded when his human charge, eight-year-old Ezra Reinhart, no longer needs a nanny. As Pounce ponders his suddenly uncertain future, the pieces are falling into place for a robot revolution that will eradicate humankind.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Calvin and AI Hobbs
- By Michael G Kurilla on 06-13-21
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One Second After
- By: William R. Forstchen
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 13 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 27,427
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 23,500
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 23,498
Already cited on the floor of Congress and discussed in the corridors of the Pentagon as a book all Americans should read, One Second After is the story of a war scenario that could become all too terrifyingly real. Based upon a real weapon - the Electro Magnetic Pulse (EMP) - which may already be in the hands of our enemies, it is a truly realistic look at the awesome power of a weapon that can destroy the entire United States.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A Civil War Re-enactor Saves a Community?
- By Cidney on 07-05-12
Related to this topic
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Fat Vampire 2: Tastes Like Chicken
- By: Johnny B. Truant
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 4 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 37
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 34
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 34
Angels and demons, myths and legends. It's been six months since Reginald Baskin became a vampire too fat to live happily with the beautiful undead - six months in which Reginald and his 2,000-year-old maker Maurice have learned that safety does not come with power. These days, Maurice is deacon of the vampire nation, but plenty beneath Maurice are still plotting to depose him...or dispose of him. But when a new and ancient threat rears its head, the Nation faces extinction and the truest of deaths - and Reginald, Maurice, and Nikki might be the only vampires able to stop it.
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3 out of 5 stars
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just too short
- By Ben on 05-05-21
By: Johnny B. Truant
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Hero Forged
- Ethereal Earth, Book 1
- By: Josh Erikson
- Narrated by: Josh Erikson
- Length: 14 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,074
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,929
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,923
Gabriel Delling might call himself a professional con artist, but when walking superstitions start trying to bite his face off, his charm is shockingly unhelpful. It turns out living nightmares almost never appreciate a good joke. Together with a succubus who insists on constantly saving his life, Gabe desperately tries to survive a new reality that suddenly features demons, legends, and a giant locust named Dale - all of whom pretty much hate his guts. And when an ancient horror comes hunting for a spirit locked in his head, Gabe finds himself faced with the excruciating choice between death...or becoming some kind of freaking hero.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Surprisingly Good
- By Steelgator on 07-21-18
By: Josh Erikson
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Bonded by Blood
- A Sweetblood Novel
- By: Laurie London
- Narrated by: Antonia Laury
- Length: 10 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 128
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 102
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 101
Deep within the forests of the Pacific Northwest, two vampire coalitions battle for supremacy—Guardian enforcers who safeguard humanity and Darkblood rogues who kill like their ancient ancestors.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
So Freakin' Boring
- By Lucylu on 02-28-11
By: Laurie London
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The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9,151
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 8,444
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Story4 out of 5 stars 8,439
Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos of the parahuman world.
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3 out of 5 stars
-
Stories are great, not crazy about the format
- By Sugarpucker on 08-10-15
By: Drew Hayes
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Dead Rising
- The Templar, Volume 1
- By: Debra Dunbar
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Phillips
- Length: 8 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 172
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 156
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 156
Barely making ends meet in Baltimore, Aria finds it difficult to obtain gainful employment with no work experience and skills in jousting and swordsmanship. Just before she's served an eviction notice, the Mistress of the local vampire family offers her a job - to research a magical symbol. It's an easy task for a woman who has spent every moment of her life either in armor, or with her nose in ancient manuscripts. The money's good, and the seven day deadlines should be no problem.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Not bad, but not great either
- By James on 01-17-17
By: Debra Dunbar
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The Book of Levi
- The Demon Accords, Book 0.5
- By: John Conroe
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 387
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 357
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Story5 out of 5 stars 357
How do you raise a boy who can bend reality with his mind? How do you keep him levelheaded, sane, and good? Raising any child is a tremendous undertaking, let alone one blessed by the goddess herself. Levi Guildersleeve, retired soldier and successful collector of rare books, finds himself as the only male role model of the most powerful witch ever born.
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5 out of 5 stars
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3rd Times a Charm!
- By Keith on 11-30-22
By: John Conroe