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Publisher's Summary

When overweight treadmill salesman Reginald Baskin finally meets a co-worker who doesn't make fun of him, it's just his own bad luck that tech guy Maurice turns out to be a two thousand-year-old vampire.

And when Maurice turns Reginald to save his life, it's just Reginald's own further bad luck that he wakes up to discover he's become the slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire ever born, doomed to "heal" to his corpulent self for all of eternity.

As Reginald struggles with the downsides of being a fat vampire - too slow to catch people to feed on, mocked by those he tries to glamour, assaulted by his intended prey and left for undead - he discovers in himself rare powers that few vampires have…and just in time too, because the Vampire Council might just want his head for being an inferior representative of their race.

Fat Vampire is the story of an unlikely hero who, after having an imperfect eternity shoved into his grease-stained hands, must learn to turn the afterlife's lemons into tasty lemon danishes.

©2012 Johnny B. Truant (P)2014 Johnny B. Truant

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
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Performance

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Grows On You and becames Warm and Fuzzy

HE'D GIVEN UP DAYTIME AND DONUTS
Don't let the cover of the book fool you. This is a well written book with a great central character. It is not LOL funny, not like Moore's Vampire series, but it is smile funny. I am a sucker for misfit type books and a FAT VAMPIRE is a misfit vampire. It took me a little while to warm up to it, but by the middle of the book, I could not stop listening. I especially love the theme of the book. I am buying book two. When you buy and listen to the book, don't give up until the little girl enters the picture. The story really took off from there.

The narrator reads real slow, I put him on 1.25 and he sounded normal. At 1.5 he would probably still sound normal.

36 of 45 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

You've never read a vampire tale like this.

Bram Stoker wrote the rules on vampires. Those rules held firm until Anne Rice came along. She changed the rules and upped the sexy. Now, vampires are everywhere and come in myriad varieties. There are sparkly vampires, time traveling vampires, no-need-for-blood vampires, demon vampires, Christian vampires — all kinds of vampires. Authors have been set free from the Stoker and Rice rules, but apparently, one rule remains. Vampires must be hot. Dead, apparently, is sexy. It’s the unbreakable vampire rule. Until now.
Johnny B. Truant has written a hilarious book about a …you guessed it … fat vampire. Turns out, dead really isn’t so sexy after all. Just ask Reginald.
Reginald Baskin is an overweight, middle-aged cog in the modern corporate machine. He’s totally average, completely ordinary, except that he is fat. Very, very fat. Reginald is a playground bully’s wet dream — that kind of fat.
When Reginald goes on a rare evening out with the new guy at the office, he gets a lot more than he bargained for. What he gets is dead. Vampires have to be hot, right? Everybody knows that, so Reginald is initially pretty stoked. But it soon becomes clear that the “hot” rule is not going to apply to him. His maker informs him that when people make the decision to become one of the undead, they train relentlessly to acquire the body and skills that they’ll have for eternity. Over time, their natural talents and aptitudes will get a boost, but it’s not a sure bet from the outset. Since Reginald’s turning was a spur of the moment situation, he’s destined to spend eternity in his own, fat body.
Reginald’s efforts to thwart the realities of his new existence were both touching and entertaining. Sure, this is a vampire tale, and we all know there are enough of those around, but Truant goes out of his way to avoid all the usual vampire tropes and tells a fresh story with humor as its anchor.
The author’s conversational style and tone is a perfect fit for spoken narration. From the second I started Fat Vampire, it was as though I’d just sat down at the local pub, and the guy next to me said, ‘Hey, let me tell you what happened to this guy I know.’

3 of 4 people found this review helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
  • colleen
  • ANCHORAGE, AK, United States
  • 04-30-14

Amusing concept

I really like the idea of an overweight vampire. It's fresh and new and it promises something different. Alhough it was original it really didn't take off. Wasn't as clever as I hoped it would and it falls a little flat. No believability in dialog or characters either. There were some great ideas, but all and all it reminds me of a rough draft. In different hands this story really could have turned out well.

9 of 13 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

good story

I didn't know what to expect when I bought this book, all I knew is that it was a vampire comedy and after reading some of Christopher Moore's vampire comedy's I was looking forward to it. i brought up C. Moore, but i really can't compare the 2, much different writing styles and I'm a huge fan of Moore so his books are my "bar", if you will. this is a good book with a pretty good story. I won't go into details but Truant covered all his bases in it... he didn't write something that conflicted with something else and hoped that no one would notice, like a lot of writers do. In any case, I would recommend this if you're interested in "dark' comedies (although this is really kind of "light"), then you'll like this.

oh, and I thought Matt Josdal did a great job narrating this book!

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Too Many Mistakes

It's like the audio file was never even edited. The story seemed okay, and I might have continued it, but the guy reading it made so many mistakes and repeated himself so often that it completely took me out of the story. They Couldn't have bothered to edit the audio file before uploading? Ugh. Couldn't get back into it.

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Good, if you treat it like a short story

-I got this book on sale, and so for that, i think it was pretty decent.

-Seriously, treat this book as a short story, and you'll enjoy it. In fact it feels like it's written in bullet points for a lot of the book.
Like someone has outlined the majority of the story in bullets points, of the main event sequences, managed to fill out some of the points into a more complete story, and then for some reason, not others.

-Overall though, the story was pretty decent, ending was a bit strange... and in all reality not much happened. However it was interesting whilst it lasted.

-The whole "he has rare powers that few have" (in the publisher's summary) is a little bit of a let down, or at least they could have run with it more... making it more grandiose, but apparently they chose a more simple approach.

-The narrator feels slightly detached at times, but that may have just been the way of writing. It feels a little like he's just not getting into the character so much, or...maybe the character is just a bit wooden at times, and it was written like that.

-Is it worth 1 credit? Probably not. However if you get one of those 2 for 1 credit sales, or half price sales, then i'd recommend this book.

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

Save your credit

What would have made Fat Vampire better?

Not having to listen to it in the first place.

What was most disappointing about Johnny B. Truant’s story?

Every overblown, formulaic, long winded moment.

What didn’t you like about Matt Josdal, VOplanet Studios’s performance?

narration was OK editing, and production were crap at best.

What character would you cut from Fat Vampire?

All of them.

Any additional comments?

again save your credit.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Fun

Fun orig story, good for listening to while wkg. Great narrator. Relatable characters, satisfying ending

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Great story

What did you love best about Fat Vampire?

Wasn't sure I would like this book, but man, it was funny and witty. I drive for a living and the audible book was great. Would love to hear the other books, but I can't see paying over $10 for a 4 hour audiobook. Maybe the author will put together a package like with the kindle edition.

Any additional comments?

Follow up books in the series are too expensive for as short as they are on audible. That keeps me from buying them.

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Who Doesn't Like A Funny Vampyre Story?

Yeah, it's good, clever, entertaining. But it's 4 hours. The series will have to be heavily discounted before I spend a credit or 10.95 on a 4 hour book. 2 for one would work for me.

But it is entertaining for those curious and not bothered by the length.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Kindle Customer
  • 01-09-17

Brilliant take on vampire stories

This book is so funny. I had wondered myself what would happen if someone was 'turned' while fat. This book answers that question better than I could have hoped for. Funny, sad and poignant, in society's obsession with physical perfection, even vampire society. Loved it.

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  • Fiona Maxwell
  • 06-22-17

Great take on Vampires

What did you like most about Fat Vampire?

I found it very funny, witty and a roller coaster of what's going to happen at the end.

Any additional comments?

This is a really great take on vampires. I enjoyed the narrator, Matt Josdal, he did a great job bringing all the charactes to life with the different tones and inflictions for their voices. I really loved Reginald, such a likeable guy. Loved his relationship with Maurice, Clare and Nicki. Can't wait for the next one, so off to buy that now.