-
Earth, Air, Fire and Custard
- Narrated by: Ray Sawyer
- Length: 19 hrs and 6 mins
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed

pick 2 free titles with trial.
Buy for $18.54
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Publisher's Summary
J.W. Wells seemed to be a respectable establishment, but the company now paying Paul Carpenter's salary is in fact a deeply sinister organisation with a mighty peculiar management team. Paul thought he was getting the hang of it (particularly when he fell head over heels for his strangely alluring colleague Sophie), but death is never far away when you work at J.W. Wells, unlike the stapler - that's always going AWOL. Our love-struck hero is about to discover that custard is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And that it really stings.
Tom Holt's exceedingly comic fantasies are populated with evil goblins, annoying sprites, and people like us. However, it's not always possible to tell the difference.
Critic Reviews
What listeners say about Earth, Air, Fire and Custard
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Wanda
- 11-30-13
Entertainingly nuts
Another totally off the wall story with a serious undertone.
I found it amusing rather than outright comical and the reader was on top form.
It was probably just a tad too long.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- Andy
- 02-04-15
Good follow on to the portable door.
Would you listen to Earth, Air, Fire and Custard again? Why?
Probably not, nothing against the book but has to be great to bother listening to again.
Any additional comments?
Its a good sequel to the portable door but I wouldn't say it was as good as the portable door.
4 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- Strawberryskullcrusher
- 04-05-18
Hilariously funny
I love these books. Very disappointing that they only have a few Tom Holt books. I'd love to purchase the whole collection. For fans of Terry Pratchett. Oh, and the narrator is perfect in the role and I love his goblin voice!
3 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- lindz brewer
- 07-06-15
warning listen when you have time as can't stop x
This had more twists and turns than spaghetti junction, it was gripping humorous and given its now 5am very hard to stop listening too.!
although the third in the series you could listen to it and enjoy a complex Web of fantasy and fun but if you can listen to the "portable door" and "in your dreams" first
my only regret is that audible don't have the next two books in the series avalible .... shame on you audible
3 people found this helpful
-
Overall

- wendy streeton
- 04-13-13
Another winner from Tom Holt
Since reading a couple of Tom Holt's books I discovered Audible and have been enjoying Ray Sawyer's readings. He brings the story and characters in Earth, Air, Fire and Custard to life.
The audible version of a real page turner.
3 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- Sharon Barron
- 06-18-16
Fantasy comedy at its very best
Perfection is a difficult attainment, probably impossible, but this novel gets pretty damn close. Populated by wonderful characters, more twists than a pack of curly fries and a denouement that will melt the stoney heart of a refrigerated troll.
It's the further stories of the hapless Paul Carpenter, junior clerk at JW Wells and Partners, and deceased three times. Paul's sole ambition is be in love and to be loved. The object of his ardour is Sophie, another junior clerk, who has had her love for him wiped from her mind by any evil magical countess. His father has other ideas, which isn't surprising when you find out who dad is.
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- David
- 05-08-23
Great book. Very confusing at times but I think that was the plan!
Great 3rd book in series. Narrator just fantastic. Weird storyline but then that’s pretty standard for Tom Holt!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- Mr. P. Baker
- 03-13-22
Good narration but story was a bit disjointed,
Good narration, story was a bit disjointed, was hard to follow at times, lost concentration times.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- Anonymous User
- 05-08-19
enjoyable
Worth the credit. Tom Holt is a refreshing voice in humorous fiction. I'd recommend adding it to your library.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- richie leech
- 06-03-18
Another Tom Holt masterpiece!!!
I love Tom Holt books.
This is definitely one of his best works.
Brilliantly read by Ray Sawyer.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story

- Martha Koukidou
- 01-06-18
great listen
another great book in the series! witty dialogues and lots of twists. in fact this book has been my favourite so far. it would help however, to number them somehow as I think this may be the last one in the series and I feel I have missed some plot, as it was referenced in this book.
Related to this topic
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By Marilyn Armstrong on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
-
-
More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
-
Bedtime Stories for Cynics
- By: Dave Hill, Jessica Conrad, Sean Keane, and others
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman, Phoebe Robinson, David Spade, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 42 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Are the kids asleep? Yes? Good. This one isn’t for them. Now, if your weary, grown-up mind has been searching for a snarkier alternative to your favorite childhood tales, this Audible Original, hosted by Nick Offerman (Parks & Recreation), will scratch that itch - and then some. Enjoy a hilarious collection of short stories, featuring performances from the likes of Tommy Chong (Cheech & Chong), Tony Hale (Veep), Patton Oswalt (The Goldbergs), and David Spade (Saturday Night Live).
-
-
It's Just...Alright.
- By Chelsea on 06-10-19
By: Dave Hill, and others
-
The Land: Founding: A LitRPG Saga
- Chaos Seeds, Book 1
- By: Aleron Kong
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 9 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tricked into a world of banished gods, demons, goblins, sprites and magic, Richter must learn to meet the perils of The Land and begin to forge his own kingdom. Actions have consequences across The Land, with powerful creatures and factions now hell-bent on Richter's destruction. Can Richter forge allegiances to survive this harsh and unforgiving world or will he fall to the dark denizens of this ancient and unforgiving realm? A tale to shake "The Land" itself, measuring 10/10 on the Richter scale, how will Richter's choices shape the future of The Land and all who reside in it?
-
-
A bit cringy
- By Jeremy Schultz on 03-13-18
By: Aleron Kong
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
Beware of Chicken: A Xianxia Cultivation Novel
- Book 1
- By: Casualfarmer
- Narrated by: Travis Baldree
- Length: 12 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jin Rou wanted to be a cultivator. A man powerful enough to defy the heavens. A master of martial arts. A lord of spiritual power. Unfortunately for him, he died, and now I’m stuck in his body. Arrogant Masters? Heavenly Tribulations? All that violence and bloodshed? Yeah, no thanks. I’m getting out of here. Farm life sounds pretty great. Tilling a field by hand is fun when you’ve got the strength of ten men—though maybe I shouldn’t have fed those Spirit Herbs to my pet rooster.
-
-
Fun
- By Julie on 05-26-22
By: Casualfarmer
-
Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
-
-
Great book and perfect narration
- By Marilyn Armstrong on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
-
Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
-
-
More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
-
Bedtime Stories for Cynics
- By: Dave Hill, Jessica Conrad, Sean Keane, and others
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman, Phoebe Robinson, David Spade, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 42 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Are the kids asleep? Yes? Good. This one isn’t for them. Now, if your weary, grown-up mind has been searching for a snarkier alternative to your favorite childhood tales, this Audible Original, hosted by Nick Offerman (Parks & Recreation), will scratch that itch - and then some. Enjoy a hilarious collection of short stories, featuring performances from the likes of Tommy Chong (Cheech & Chong), Tony Hale (Veep), Patton Oswalt (The Goldbergs), and David Spade (Saturday Night Live).
-
-
It's Just...Alright.
- By Chelsea on 06-10-19
By: Dave Hill, and others
-
The Land: Founding: A LitRPG Saga
- Chaos Seeds, Book 1
- By: Aleron Kong
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 9 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tricked into a world of banished gods, demons, goblins, sprites and magic, Richter must learn to meet the perils of The Land and begin to forge his own kingdom. Actions have consequences across The Land, with powerful creatures and factions now hell-bent on Richter's destruction. Can Richter forge allegiances to survive this harsh and unforgiving world or will he fall to the dark denizens of this ancient and unforgiving realm? A tale to shake "The Land" itself, measuring 10/10 on the Richter scale, how will Richter's choices shape the future of The Land and all who reside in it?
-
-
A bit cringy
- By Jeremy Schultz on 03-13-18
By: Aleron Kong
-
Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
-
-
Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
-
Beware of Chicken: A Xianxia Cultivation Novel
- Book 1
- By: Casualfarmer
- Narrated by: Travis Baldree
- Length: 12 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jin Rou wanted to be a cultivator. A man powerful enough to defy the heavens. A master of martial arts. A lord of spiritual power. Unfortunately for him, he died, and now I’m stuck in his body. Arrogant Masters? Heavenly Tribulations? All that violence and bloodshed? Yeah, no thanks. I’m getting out of here. Farm life sounds pretty great. Tilling a field by hand is fun when you’ve got the strength of ten men—though maybe I shouldn’t have fed those Spirit Herbs to my pet rooster.
-
-
Fun
- By Julie on 05-26-22
By: Casualfarmer
-
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
-
-
They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
-
Neanderthal Seeks Human BoxSet: A Workplace Romance, 2020 Revised and Expanded Edition
- Knitting in the City, Book 1 & 1.5
- By: Penny Reid
- Narrated by: Jennifer Grace, Sebastian York
- Length: 28 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Neanderthal Seeks Human: There are three things you need to know about Janie Morris: 1) She is incapable of engaging in a conversation without volunteering TMTI (Too Much Trivial Information), especially when she is unnerved, 2) No one unnerves her more than Quinn Sullivan, and 3) She doesn't know how to knit. Neanderthal Marries Human: There are three things you should know about Quinn Sullivan: 1) He is madly in love with Janie Morris, 2) He’s not above playing dirty to get what (or who) he wants, and 3) He doesn’t know how to knit.
-
-
Super dissappointed.
- By Akari on 03-17-21
By: Penny Reid
-
Monsters and How to Tame Them
- By: Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Monsters and How to Tame Them is Kevin’s most recent guide on how to live your best life, wrapped in his signature honesty, hilarious voice, and adept storytelling. You’ve heard stories about vampires, zombies, and ghosts. Now it’s time to meet some of the monsters that haunt your mind.
-
-
Entertaining, not useful
- By Anonymous User on 09-18-22
By: Kevin Hart
-
Brackish Waters
- By: Matt Boren
- Narrated by: Christina Applegate
- Length: 1 hr and 55 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Kate wins an item at her children’s elementary school auction - an all-inclusive trip to SeaView at Sandpiper Bay - she thinks it’s just what her family needs after a decade of career disappointments and a marriage on its last legs. She has no reason to believe that said trip is a Fyre Festival-level fraud and, in fact, the catalyst to her unraveling. But it is. Oh, but it is.
-
-
Christina Applegate is everything
- By Julie on 03-21-21
By: Matt Boren
-
The Heron
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Ed Harris
- Length: 1 hr and 6 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
“The Heron” is the nickname a big-city accountant has attached to himself in his new home near San Diego, where he’s using the alias to avoid a hit man who may be after him. It seems a former client believes that The Heron has skipped town with several million dollars not his own. Don Winslow’s ensuing, entertaining yarn is by turns twisty, dark, and comical as we observe the delicate dance between the pursuer and the pursued.
-
-
Awfully long middle for such a short story
- By Phx17 on 07-29-22
By: Don Winslow
-
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
- An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
- By: L. G. Estrella
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 13 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
-
-
Sound Editing Needed
- By Robert on 05-29-20
By: L. G. Estrella
-
The Mayor of Noobtown
- By: Ryan Rimmel
- Narrated by: Johnathan McClain
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After dying and being reborn into a world that's built like a video game, Jim has found himself stuck in a very old-world style new-player zone for low-level adventurers. Unfortunately, the zone fell out of use centuries ago, and no one told the monsters they were supposed to take it easy on the Noobs. Even worse, the only new player around is Jim. Jim has been given an opportunity, and he'll do his best to take advantage of it.
-
-
Like the land but actually finishes story lines.
- By Kaz on 09-03-19
By: Ryan Rimmel
-
Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One
- By: Jack Townsend
- Narrated by: Creepy Pasta
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Working at a dead-end retail job in the middle of nowhere can be hard. The long hours. The helpless customers. The enormous eldritch horror living deep below the building. As the only full-time employee at the 24 hour gas station at the edge of town, Jack has pretty much seen it all. But when he decides to start an online journal documenting the bizarre day-to-day occurrences, he unwittingly attracts the attention of much more than just a few conspiracy theorists.
-
-
One of my most favorite nosleep series!
- By damienmessick on 04-08-19
By: Jack Townsend
-
American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
-
-
Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
-
The Perfect Find
- By: Tia Williams
- Narrated by: Wesleigh Siobhan
- Length: 11 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jenna Jones, former It-girl fashion editor, is broke and desperate for a second chance. When she’s dumped by her longtime fiancé and fired from Darling magazine, she begs for a job from her old arch nemesis, Darcy Vale. The beyond-bitchy publisher of StyleZine.com, Darcy agrees to hire her rival - only because her fashion site needs a jolt from Jenna’s old school cred. But Jenna soon realizes she’s in over her head.
-
-
A-FREAKING-MAZING!!!
- By Bernadette on 05-30-21
By: Tia Williams
-
Escape from Virtual Island
- An Audio Comedy
- By: John Lutz
- Narrated by: Paul Rudd, Jack McBrayer, Sue Galloway, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the year 2038, there’s only one destination that can play host to the world’s wealthiest adventure seekers: the Pengalaman Island Resort and Virtual Reality Theme Park. Located on a private South Pacific island, guests here live out their wildest fantasies in custom-made virtual reality simulations while also enjoying the usual amenities of an exclusive five-star getaway. All is relatively breezy until famed billionaire and avid guest, Mr. Wagner, goes missing within a virtual simulation. His only hope? A daring rescue led by Derek Ambrose and his ragtag search party.
-
-
Story is a Bit Stupid
- By Jeffrey veals on 04-03-20
By: John Lutz
-
Michelle Rojas Is Not Okay
- By: Ashley Soto Paniagua, Guillermo Zouain, Wendy Muniz, and others
- Narrated by: Dascha Polanco, The Kid Mero, full cast
- Length: 3 hrs and 13 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
With a PsyD from Yale and a job at a renowned Connecticut therapy practice, Dominican psychologist Michelle Rojas is a Washington Heights success story. When she gets fired for lashing out at co-workers and giving patients questionable advice, Michelle returns home.
-
-
De Lo Mio!!
- By Nabil Vinas on 02-10-23
By: Ashley Soto Paniagua, and others