• Don't Lick the Minivan

  • And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
  • By: Leanne Shirtliffe
  • Narrated by: Trudie Kessler
  • Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
  • 4.1 out of 5 stars (215 ratings)

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Don't Lick the Minivan  By  cover art

Don't Lick the Minivan

By: Leanne Shirtliffe
Narrated by: Trudie Kessler
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Editorial reviews

Raising newborn twins in Bangkok wasn't easy, but it was certainly colorful, according to Leanne Shirtliffe's raucously entertaining memoir. From eating deep-fried bugs to entangling with her blunt French hairdresser, Shirtliffe describes parenting abroad with a snappy zest, which is matched by Trudie Kessler, who lends a breezy tone to Shirtliffe's witty observations, ranging from astonishment to self-deprecation. Her examination of post-partum depression interjects a needed dose of poignancy, as does her self-described "sappy" realizations on the joy of motherhood. The locale may be different, but parents will find similarly relatable and hilarious experiences in Don't Lick the Minivan.

Publisher's summary

As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.

In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:

  • The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied
  • The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan's paint with rocks
  • The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie"
  • The horror of glitter
  • And much more!

A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins' college - eh, therapy - fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

©2013 Leanne Shirtliffe (P)2013 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Leanne Shirtliffe writes with hilarity and poignancy as to the trials and pains (literally) of motherhood. She is our new Erma Bombeck!" (Elizabeth Boyle, New York Times best-selling author)

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What listeners say about Don't Lick the Minivan

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I Guess You Had to Be There?

Humor is an odd thing. I know from the other reviews I read that many people found this to be hysterically funny. I was really looking forward to a light-hearted upbeat listen. The problem was that I just didn't think it was funny at all. It all sounded forced. To my ear the narration was halting and strained. I would seriously suggest you listen to the audio sample carefully before download. Can't recommend.

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28 people found this helpful

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    1 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars

Pedantic

I expected laugh out loud funny. Instead, all I could think was, please let it end. The material in this book is no more or less funny than anything any parent experiences.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious!

What made the experience of listening to Don't Lick the Minivan the most enjoyable?

I listen to audible books at bedtime as I'm falling asleep. It made me laugh so much, that I had to stop listening to it a number of times, just so that I could fall asleep. I just wanted to keep listening and laughing, but it kept me awake.

Who was your favorite character and why?

N/A

What about Trudie Kessler’s performance did you like?

GREAT intonation in her voice!

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

I wanted to, but didn't have time.

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Poor narration

Where does Don't Lick the Minivan rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

middle, not the best, not the worst book I have listened to.

How did the narrator detract from the book?

poor recitation, flat, no emotion, choppy, with pauses where there should not be any. Poor narration distracts from the humor that the author wishes to portray

Any additional comments?

This was a poor listen, not because of the content, rather the poor naration .

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1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

An extraordinary look at universal motherhood

If you could sum up Don't Lick the Minivan in three words, what would they be?

Hilarious, funny, heartwarming

What insight do you think you’ll apply from Don't Lick the Minivan?

How to laugh at myself, my children, and life in general

Any additional comments?

This book was hilarious. I could relate to the author as a woman and as a Canadian - not as a mother (since I do not have children yet). Her details of giving birth and raising children in Thailand were both universal and unique in scope, and her hilarious descriptions of parenting coupled with her "sappy files" provided a wonderful counterbalance.
Great work!

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Really enjoyed this!

I found this book to be well written and enjoyed the readers voice. I could relate to much of this as a mom and cracked up at parts. Very easy listen, very enjoyable.

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  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Overly contrived

I couldn’t even finish this book. It was terrible. Might have been better with a different narrator. The humor was forced and overdone. There was one chapter about vomit that was not remotely funny.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Real Doesn’t Mean Perfect

As a mom of six, I know that there’s no such thing as perfect parenting. They don’t hand out instructions when you give birth; we all have to do our best and love our kids no matter what (even if we don’t always seem to like them sometimes, but really it’s their actions we don’t like.)
There’s a sense in validation in hear the stories of other parents who have their own tales of dysfunction and if you can laugh together and think or say, “Yep, been there, done that” all the better.
If you’re not a perfect parent of perfect children, this book is for you. Don’t be afraid to show your own real. Enjoy!
Thank you Leanne for showing us your real.

*your real, not you’re real

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    2 out of 5 stars

Some humor but not LoL

Leanne and her husband, Chris, are teachers and he is all a librarian. They have twins, Vivian and William. While the stories of parenting twins have some humor to them they did not make me laugh out loud or even giggle most of the way through the book. I did find some of the stories (such as the church scenes and all I can say is “out of the mouths of babes”) funny. The parents work hard and do what they can to get through as we all do while parenting. They are able to get some help (such as help cleaning 5 hours a month as stated in the book) but I didn’t get the sense that they were “rolling in money”as other reviewers would write. The book was just OK for me nothing what I was expecting or needed.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Must Read for Parents

A wonderful journal that reminds you not to take parenting too seriously. Definitely worth the listen!

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