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Diddly Squat
- A Year on the Farm
- Narrated by: Jeremy Clarkson
- Length: 2 hrs and 32 mins
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Diddly Squat
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Publisher's summary
Brought to you by Penguin.
Welcome to Jeremy's farm. It's an idyllic spot, offering picturesque views across the Cotswolds, bustling hedgerows, woodlands and natural springs. Jeremy always liked the idea of being a farmer. But, while he was barrelling around the world having more fun with cars than was entirely reasonable, it seemed obvious that the actual, you know, farming was much better left to someone else.
Then one day he decided he would do the farming himself.
After all, how hard could it be?
Well...
Faced with suffocating red tape, biblical weather, local objections, a global pandemic and his own frankly staggering ignorance of how to 'do farming', Jeremy soon realises that turning the farm around is going to take more than splashing out on a massive tractor.
Fortunately, there's help at hand from a large and (mostly) willing team, including girlfriend Lisa, Kaleb the tractor driver, cheerful Charlie, Ellen the shepherd and Gerald, his head of security and dry stone waller. Between them they enthusiastically cultivate crops, rear livestock and hens, keep bees, bottle spring water and open a farm shop. But profits remain elusive.
And yet, while the farm may be called Diddly Squat for good reason, Jeremy soon begins to understand that it's worth a whole lot more to him than pounds, shillings and pence....
Critic reviews
"The best thing Clarkson's done...it pains me to say this." (Guardian)
"Shockingly hopeful." (Independent)
"Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here." (Telegraph)
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 970
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Story4 out of 5 stars 966
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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3 out of 5 stars
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
-
I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 55,718
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 50,198
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 49,942
Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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For 13 years, 22 series and 175 shows, Richard Porter was script editor of Top Gear, from the first faltering pilot episode in 2002 until the very last show presented by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May in 2015. Along the way they destroyed cars, sparked diplomatic incidents, set fire to caravans, almost killed one of the presenters, and somehow transformed Top Gear from a shabby BBC Two motoring show into an Emmy-winning, record-breaking, planet-straddling behemoth.
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5 out of 5 stars
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two pauses
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In Carbolics the UK's favourite petrol head (after Clarkson and Hammond) James May answers these questions and more. Across 80 essays, James gives his quirky, entertaining take on cars, motorbikes, trucks—and explains why the bicycle might just be the best invention of all.
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5 out of 5 stars
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James May has a fun and interesting view on cars and explains it in his classic humorous way!
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 224
Being given yet another pointless 'man manual' that told him 50 ways to tie a bow tie in under 30 seconds made James May certain there was a need for another kind of book. This book, in fact. He reckons there are nine vital things that a chap should be able to do.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Mostly delightful . . .
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On the Edge
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Richard Hammond describes his childhood and adolescence and the emergence of the adrenalin junkie, the first ridiculous stunts on his tricycle, and an increasing and near obsessive attraction to speed and the smell of petrol. He finds an attractive girl, Mindy, who shares his interests and helps him organise his high-speed life.
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3 out of 5 stars
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A bit disappointing!
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By: Richard Hammond
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The Wonderful World of Jeremy Clarkson
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 3
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2
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Story4 out of 5 stars 2
The highlights of my extraordinary journey with Mr Clarkson included pizza with Harry and Wills; dancing with Mick Jagger on the private island of Mustique (Mick had to pull me up after, shamefully, I could not recover from the twist!); and having happy birthday sung to me by Brian Ferry and Richard E. Grant.... Phillipa Sage shares her continuing adventures—the ongoing highs, lows and constant mayhem—she shared for so many years with Clarkson and his fellow presenters, Hammond and May.
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Introducing Clarkson's Farm favourite Kaleb Cooper's worldly wisdom on life's big issues, from the difference between straw and hay to the importance of having a hair perm. In The World According to Kaleb, he shares his thoughts on topics such as capital cities, famous people, hairstyles and why farming is the best job in the world. He even tells us why the chicken crossed the road.
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4 out of 5 stars
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A charming, quick read.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 508
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 434
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For 13 years, 22 series and 175 shows, Richard Porter was script editor of Top Gear, from the first faltering pilot episode in 2002 until the very last show presented by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May in 2015. Along the way they destroyed cars, sparked diplomatic incidents, set fire to caravans, almost killed one of the presenters, and somehow transformed Top Gear from a shabby BBC Two motoring show into an Emmy-winning, record-breaking, planet-straddling behemoth.
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5 out of 5 stars
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two pauses
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Carbolics
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 33
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 31
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In Carbolics the UK's favourite petrol head (after Clarkson and Hammond) James May answers these questions and more. Across 80 essays, James gives his quirky, entertaining take on cars, motorbikes, trucks—and explains why the bicycle might just be the best invention of all.
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5 out of 5 stars
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James May has a fun and interesting view on cars and explains it in his classic humorous way!
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Being given yet another pointless 'man manual' that told him 50 ways to tie a bow tie in under 30 seconds made James May certain there was a need for another kind of book. This book, in fact. He reckons there are nine vital things that a chap should be able to do.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Mostly delightful . . .
- By Katherine on 04-09-12
By: James May
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On the Edge
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 414
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 303
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 307
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3 out of 5 stars
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A bit disappointing!
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Overall3.5 out of 5 stars 3
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2
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The highlights of my extraordinary journey with Mr Clarkson included pizza with Harry and Wills; dancing with Mick Jagger on the private island of Mustique (Mick had to pull me up after, shamefully, I could not recover from the twist!); and having happy birthday sung to me by Brian Ferry and Richard E. Grant.... Phillipa Sage shares her continuing adventures—the ongoing highs, lows and constant mayhem—she shared for so many years with Clarkson and his fellow presenters, Hammond and May.
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Overall0 out of 5 stars 0
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Performance0 out of 5 stars 0
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In his smash-hit debut The World According to Kaleb, we learnt how Kaleb feels about everything from existentialism to comb-overs, and why he doesn't want to visit the Mediterranean. In this follow-up, Kaleb casts his focus closer to home to examine what people like to get up to in the great outdoors. You'll go gravy wrestling in Lancashire, nettle eating in Somerset, and venture to Hereford for the significant occasion that is Best Dressed Stick.
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 174
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The wry, honest and often hilarious chronicles of a very brave and clever TV presenter, Arctic Explorer and general drawer of the Short Straw. Moving quickly on from the devastating crash that nearly killed him he ranges widely over his life and times: a visit to Glastonbury with James May reminds of him of his early years of playing in a band and how and why he never quite made it as a rock star.
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5 out of 5 stars
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I only wish it had been unabridged!
- By Rafael on 11-06-12
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James May's 20th Century
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 245
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 188
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 186
How much should you pay for a return trip to the moon? How are Winnie the Pooh and the artificial heart related? Did teenagers exist before 1950? If not, who invented them? James May's 20th Century answers all these questions and more.
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5 out of 5 stars
-
brilliant.
- By Chris Thompson on 04-08-19
By: James May, and others
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Car Fever
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 229
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 190
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 186
As well as writing about his first love, cars, James has a go at political correctness, the endless rules and regulations of daily life, the internal combustion engine and traffic wardens. He discusses gastropubs, Jeremy Clarkson, and other trials of modern life. His highly entertaining observations from behind the wheel will have you laughing out loud, whether you share his opinions or not.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Clever and easy plain talk by James
- By Theodore John on 09-15-15
By: James May
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Variable Valve Timings
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- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 56
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 53
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 53
Chris Harris has driven more cars than most people could ever dream of. His vast knowledge is legendary. He calls it 'unhinged geekery'. But we call it infectious enthusiasm, adrenaline-fueled escapism and peerless journalistic rigour and integrity. And then there are his famous skills at the wheel, from city cars to rally cars, F1 to vintage, not forgetting the Guinness World Record 3.4km sideways in an electric car. And now for the first time, Harris is going all out with that unhinged geekery, and takes us down the road of his life-long adventure with the automobile
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5 out of 5 stars
-
Sensational from start to finish!
- By Jennifer Murray on 04-13-24
By: Chris Harris
-
Or Is That Just Me?
- By: Richard Hammond
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- Length: 3 hrs
- Abridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 152
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 124
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 124
More of the wry, honest and often hilarious chronicles of Richard Hammond - TV presenter, adventurer, and general drawer of the Short Straw. Continuing where As You Do and Did I Just Say That? left off, this one focuses on just a few of the many hair-raising stunts, expeditions, and encounters experienced by Richard Hammond over the last eventful year.
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4 out of 5 stars
-
Such a soothing voice
- By PB on 04-14-18
By: Richard Hammond
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The Reassembler
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- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 125
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 115
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 114
From the humble garden lawnmower to the ear-splitting electric guitar, James May returns with a typically wacky account of what makes these great machines work, one piece at a time. Reassembly is merely a form of therapy; something that stimulates a part of my brain that is left wanting in my daily life. When I rebuild a bicycle, I reorder my head. So might you....
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5 out of 5 stars
-
I just like hearing this audio book. play it a lot
- By PJC on 08-22-19
By: James May
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Jeremy Clarkson
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- By: Gwen Russell
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 62
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 44
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Story4 out of 5 stars 44
An outspoken personality who divides opinion, Jeremy Clarkson has made a successful career out of his love of cars and speed.
Since becoming Top Gear supremo, the programme has become one of the most widely distributed TV shows on the planet. His candid views on practically every subject under the sun have often landed him in hot water. Love him or loathe him, this fascinating biography tells his far-from-over life story.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
Very poor
- By Amadeo on 05-25-12
By: Gwen Russell
-
How to Build a Car
- By: Adrian Newey
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- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,530
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,338
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 1,337
The world's foremost designer in Formula One, Adrian Newey OBE is arguably one of Britain's greatest engineers and this is his fascinating, powerful memoir. How to Build a Car explores the story of Adrian's unrivalled 35-year career in Formula One through the prism of the cars he has designed, the drivers he has worked alongside and the races in which he's been involved.
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2 out of 5 stars
-
Snooze fest
- By moo on 02-09-20
By: Adrian Newey
-
Total Competition
- Lessons in Strategy from Formula One
- By: Ross Brawn, Adam Parr
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- Length: 7 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 410
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 353
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 349
Total Competition is the most compelling, comprehensive and revealing insight into what it takes to get to the top in Formula One that has ever been published. Across four decades, Ross Brawn was one of the most innovative and successful technical directors and then team principals in Formula One. Leading Benetton, Ferrari, Honda, Brawn and Mercedes, he worked with drivers such as Michael Schumacher, Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton to make them world champions.
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4 out of 5 stars
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great insight
- By Marsha on 08-20-17
By: Ross Brawn, and others
-
Go Like Hell
- Ford, Ferrari, and Their Battle for Speed and Glory at Le Mans
- By: A. J. Baime
- Narrated by: Jones Allen
- Length: 8 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,460
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,309
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 1,309
By the early 1960s, Ford Motor Company, built to bring automobile transportation to the masses, was falling behind. Baby boomers were taking to the roads in droves, looking for speed not safety, style not comfort, and Ford didn’t offer what these young drivers wanted. Meanwhile, Enzo Ferrari lorded over the European racing scene, crafting beautiful, fast sports cars that epitomized style.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Goldern age of racing
- By Dan R. on 01-26-15
By: A. J. Baime
-
The Top Gear Story
- By: Martin Roach
- Narrated by: Jerome Pride
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 65
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 59
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Story4 out of 5 stars 59
This is the full story of the unstoppable rise of Clarkson, Hammond, May and The Stig – and how they have transformed an ordinary programme about cars into one of the most famous and best-loved TV programmes of the 21st century. Reaching a peak in the 1990s thanks to presenter Jeremy Clarkson, the original series then faced the axe in 2001 – but Clarkson and producer Andy Wilman successfully pitched a new format to BBC bosses and Top Gear returned to become the irreverent, funny and often controversial show we now know and love.
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1 out of 5 stars
-
I wish I had bought something else
- By Thomas on 03-12-12
By: Martin Roach
What listeners say about Diddly Squat
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- milkyway13
- 03-31-24
Wonderful
Jeremy grows with each chapter. I love following his journey. Thank you for sharing your adventures in farming. 
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Kyle
- 10-14-23
Good Stuff
Hurry up and release more Jeremy this book was an amazing listen. It filled in the blanks of the tv show
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Joseph Richmond
- 02-02-24
Love that Jeremy narrates the book himself - who doesn’t love his accent !
Can’t wait for more. Its real life struggles with facts. Learning as you go. Fascinating facts that the average person wouldn’t know. I learned so much not only from his show but this as well. The struggle of a farmer just trying to make it plus with his comedic comments make this a great listen !!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- M. Dickens
- 11-30-21
Absolutely brilliant
If you like Jeremy Clarkson then you will love this. Absolute perfection. Jeremy narrated just like he does on TV. Amusing, educational and interesting. I was very disappointed when I came to the end.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 12-19-22
Brilliant
Fantastic book, it’s interesting and funny, can’t really go wrong with Clarkson. Good read! Highly recommend.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- S R B
- 12-28-23
Fantastic
Such an enjoyable listen. I listened while doing my chores. The time flew by and I had some good chuckles. I recommend this book for coop cleaning day!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 03-19-24
Always good to hear the author narrate!
Have the hard copy version as well, fun to hear the author’s reading of it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 10-16-23
More please!
Thoroughly enjoyed this and hearing Jeremy read it made it all the better!! Can’t wait for the next one on audible!
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- ev
- 12-05-23
A perspective of a lifetime.
The way this book encapsulates the life of a farmer, hypocrisy of society, and the flaws of government can simply be done by no one else and perfectly describes present world. How Jeremy can tell a simple story about pigs and convey such understanding and emotion, then wrap it all together human archetypes is beyond me. Something truly special.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Josh
- 02-03-24
Clarkson is great!
Jeremy Clarkson gives a great performance telling what it’s like to be a farmer. It was pretty funny!
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