Deep Dark Woods

By: Ty Schwamberger

Narrated by: James Nutt

Length: 6 hrs and 37 mins

Publisher's summary

Jake Jennings thought a camping trip would be a great way to reconnect with his family. But when he mysteriously disappears after heading off in search of firewood, his wife, Samantha, and daughter, Alexis, are left all alone in the woods, searching, hoping, and for the time being, surviving. Four college friends are on their way to spend a weekend in the woods for a college research project and, of course, a little partying. But as they near their destination, they are run off the road by another car. After losing one of their number in the crash, the friends must find a way back to the sanctuary of their school.

Park Ranger Carl Stevens has been on the job for eight long years, through good times and bad. Just when he thinks it couldn't get any worse, his tedious life is turned upside down when he almost hits a girl, running from the woods and into the middle of the road. But that's the least of his worries, especially once he hears what she's been running from.

Can an everyday Park Ranger save the girl, find the missing family, and stay alive long enough to celebrate? Because not everyone survives what's lurking inside the deep dark woods...

©2014 Ty Schwamberger (P)2014 Ty Schwamberger

the WORST narrator ever

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

I did enjoy the story line...but then again I am a die hard B horror fan but I almost couldn't get through the story because of the narrator...no personality what so ever

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of James Nutt?

Any one but him

utter, unadulterated tripe

As an introductory note, I'm almost impossible to offend, whether by gore, sex, or obscene language. That said, I am put off by garbage written by people who use the gore, sex, or language in a juvenile way, merely to try to be 'shocking' or because they're too stupid or lazy to come up with true creativity.

This is not really a horror novel: it is a masturbatory exercise which sounds as if it was written by a very seriously disturbed adolescent --one who has zero experience with the opposite sex, btw. This supposedly is a new take on horror with Bigfoot in the starring role. For the most part, Bigfoot is one of the more sympathetic characters, to my mind; he at least has the excuse of being not sentient enough to be blamed for his atrocious behavior. However, the "writer" has made of Bigfoot a slavering rapist, with both him & his victims obsessing constantly on him sticking 'his big thing' into their warm holes. So amongst the tearing up of people, he fantasizes on raping them.

Then we have James, the college student who's supposedly a nerd but is in reality far scarier than the creature...he's a sociopathic rapist killer who calmly plans to slice his girlfriend's throat so he can 'get some' of his dead best friend's girlfriend. And he doesn't particularly care if the holes belong to live or dead females, either. Actually, there's not a lot, character & morality-wise, to distinguish Bigfoot from James; I can't help but wonder if one were to dump him in a vat of Nair, shove him into jeans & a tee, and send him off to James's prospective employer, would they notice? Give him a card that says "sorry, I've got laryngitis" & probably not.

Aside from the puerile pornographic tone, the writing is just bad. There's a large chunk early in the book where we follow a character getting home from work, and I mean we follow every second of her movements, including the tearing off & subsequent usage of toilet paper...another type of voyeurism I really could do without (there's quite of bit of literal potty activity in the whole book). Schwamberger uses phrases such as "[such and such] moved this way and that way" over & over & over, apparently incapable of thinking of unique ways of describing things. He goes into ludicrous, inane details like "he pressed the gas pedal down with his right foot and accelerated up the ramp" that made me feel like he was paid by the word & wanted to pad it (how else do most people press the gas pedal, & what else usually happens when you do it?).

To add insult to injury, the reader is dreadful. He reads in a drab monotone, and there are more instances of repeated sentences in this than in any of the hundreds of audiobooks I've listened to. I'm not sure I blame the guy, really, having to read this dreck, but if he is a professional --which I tend to doubt-- he should at least try to do a decent job.

I have jotted a note to myself to never again waste a second on this author or this narrator. He doesn't even manage to shock me, just irritate me & cause me to think how pathetic this product is.

Please say your time and money

This story is full of holes and very unlikely scenarios. The authors thoughts are very disturbing. I hope this review discourages ppl from buying this audiobook.