S5E11: The Status Quo: Unraveling Our Obsession With Relationship Statuses

Summary

In this episode of Date Smarter Sexier, host Andrea LaRosa explores the phenomenon of perseveration in dating and relationships. She begins by discussing the waiting game after a great first date and how it can lead to constant checking of phones and overthinking. Andrea then explains the shift from dating to a committed relationship and the uncertainty that comes with it. She delves into the reasons why people perseverate on their relationship status, including societal pressure and the comparison trap. Andrea emphasizes the importance of embracing one's current status and advocating for oneself in relationships.

Takeaways

• The beginning stages of a relationship can be filled with uncertainty and overthinking.

• Societal pressure and the comparison trap contribute to perseverating on relationship status.

• Being comfortable with your singlehood and embracing your current status is important.

• Effective communication and advocating for yourself are key in navigating relationships.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: The Waiting Game

01:12 The Shift from Dating to Relationship

07:35 Reasons for Perseverating on Relationship Status

09:18 Societal Pressure

12:35 The Comparison Trap

13:26 Inner Workings and Relationship with Self

16:24 Embracing Your Current Status

21:39 Conclusion: The Only Status that Matters

For more information:

www.datesmartermatchmaking.com

IG & FB: @datesmartercoach

YouTube: @datesmarter

TikTok: @datesmarter

______________________________

Region: Use code DateSmarter10 for 10% off any wine purchase

Opulence Boutique: Shop online or in the store and use code DATECHIC for 15% off
https://shopopulence.net/

Summary

In this conversation, Andrea and Julia explore the topic of managing expectations in dating and relationships. They start by doing a tarot card reading to gain guidance on managing expectations. They discuss the importance of being open-minded and not getting stuck in patterns that haven't worked in the past. They also touch on the pressure to look younger and fit in the dating world. They emphasize the need for depth and shared values in relationships, rather than solely focusing on physical attributes. They conclude by highlighting the impact of physical fitness on a healthy sex life. In this conversation, Julia and Andrea discuss various aspects of sexual intimacy and communication. They cover topics such as navigating first-time experiences, giving and receiving direction, exploring new experiences, and understanding individual preferences. They emphasize the importance of open-mindedness, effective communication, and managing expectations in order to create fulfilling sexual relationships. Overall, the conversation highlights the need for honest and open dialogue to enhance intimacy and pleasure.

Takeaways

Focus on one area at a time when exploring sexual intimacy.

Communication and feedback are crucial for a satisfying sexual experience.

Be open-minded and willing to explore new experiences.

Understand that individual preferences and pleasure vary.

Effective communication and managing expectations are key to creating fulfilling sexual relationships.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Tarot Card Reading

03:23 Managing Expectations in Relationships

08:07 Interpreting the Tarot Card Reading

13:14 The Role of Tarot Cards in Dating and Relationships

16:01 The Importance of Being Open-Minded

21:12 The Pressure to Look Younger and Fit

28:34 Managing Expectations and Finding Common Ground

33:09 The Importance of Depth in Relationships

35:13 The Impact of Physical Fitness on Sex Life

37:06 Covering all the bases

38:29 Navigating first-time experiences

39:51 Communication and feedback

41:46 Giving and receiving direction

42:46 Importance of communication in intimacy

43:56 Exploring new experiences

45:17 Understanding individual preferences

46:33 The mental aspect of pleasure

48:23 Managing expectations

Summary

In this conversation, Andrea discusses the concept of the high value woman and addresses the debates and pushback she has received. She explores the definition of a unicorn and questions whether the high value woman can be considered a unicorn. Andrea then outlines the seven elements that make up a high value woman, including independence, the willingness to walk away, and self-awareness. She emphasizes that high value is subjective and encourages individuals to define their own value. Andrea also discusses traits that may not align with high value and the importance of self-reflection.

Takeaways

High value is a subjective concept and can be defined differently by individuals.

The high value woman is not a unicorn, but rather someone who possesses qualities such as independence, self-awareness, and the willingness to walk away.

Low value traits include lack of self-respect, over-dependency, dishonesty, manipulation, and unwillingness to communicate or compromise.

It is important to define value for oneself and focus on personal growth and self-improvement.

Get the Girl: Dating the High Value Woman: https://a.co/d/9xqamWm

Defining the HVW

• Wrote the book on it! My list are possibilities, there is no hard and fast rule

• This is how I define HV but someone else can define it differently, that’s the beauty of having choice and being able to think for ourselves 

• If he isn’t college educated does that mean he’s not high value? 

• Experts in the dating world are defining HVW by their status

Defining the Unicorn

• something unusual, rare, or unique.

• A person who is very attractive AND has a fabulous personality 

• YouTube video that went viral about the what a unicorn is 

Does that mean anyone else is of low value?

• Define a low value, it’s subjective 

• Does a woman who lacks self esteem and likes to pick fights a HVW?

• Lack of Self-Respect: This can manifest in many ways, like constantly putting oneself down, tolerating disrespectful behavior from others, or not standing up for one's own needs and boundaries. Gym pics or half naked selfies 

• Over-Dependence: While interdependence is healthy in a relationship, over-dependence, either emotionally or financially, without the effort to contribute or improve oneself, can be viewed negatively.

• Dishonesty and Manipulation: Consistently being dishonest, playing mind games, or manipulating others for personal gain can definitely be seen as "low value" traits.

• Lack of Ambition or Drive: Having no personal goals, ambitions, or the desire to grow can be a turn-off for many. This isn't about financial success per se, but more about having a passion and zest for life.

• Unwillingness to Communicate or Compromise: Relationships are a two-way street. An inability or unwillingness to communicate effectively, listen to a partner’s needs, or compromise can hinder the growth of a healthy relationship.

• Chronic Negativity: Constant pessimism, complaining, or seeing the worst in every situation can be draining and unattractive to potential partners.

• Irresponsibility: This could be in terms of finances, career, personal health, or other obligations. Consistently shirking responsibilities can be a sign of immaturity and unreliability.

• Hostility or Abusive Behavior: Engaging in verbal, emotional, or physical abuse is not only a "low value" trait but is entirely unacceptable in any relationship.

• Lack of Empathy: Being unable or unwilling to understand or share the feelings of others can be a major red flag in relationships.

• Superficiality and Materialism: Focusing solely on surface-level attributes such as looks, money, or social status, while neglecting deeper values and connections.

Who decides what to value?

The idea of High Value has spiraled 

• Why we label as HVW because men have been saying how they are attracted to strong independent women, which could be defined as HV

• We don’t like labels 

• The fight around HV is about saying that if you’re not HV then you must be low value

• Not every thing is black and white