Checkered Scissors

By: Douglas Schwartz

Narrated by: Gary Roelofs

Length: 11 hrs and 39 mins

Publisher's summary

When Edwin Black dreams of a pair of scissors that can cut into the fabric of worlds, four lost souls find themselves stuck in unlikely places: a young entrepreneur, a swimming pool salesman, a collector, and a mad scientist. Their lives intertwine in an adventure extending between worlds. In order to find where they would rather be, they search for the one thing that might take them there: The Checkered Scissors.

Checkered Scissors is a novel that explores a world based on dreams and life experiences, and what happens when people from the dream world stumble into the real world, and vice versa. One person stumbles into another world and struggles to find his way back. The next also wants to find his way back after he is taken from his world too soon. A third person got stuck in between worlds, and longs to get back to work. While the last despises his creator, and fights to escape the world he hates.

©2015 Douglas Schwartz (P)2016 Douglas Schwartz

Mark this one as Incomplete

What did you like best about Checkered Scissors? What did you like least?

I honestly did not finish this book.The chapters I did listen to were very creative, but extraordinarily scattered and in need of editing. I am confident that this book is better than what I understood, but I couldn't.

Would you ever listen to anything by Douglas Schwartz again?

I would try.

Which character – as performed by Gary Roelofs – was your favorite?

Incomplete.

If this book were a movie would you go see it?

Can't speak to this, as it is incomplete.

Any additional comments?

I received this book from Audioblast free of charge in exchange for this review. I could not finish this book personally, so it is not fair for me to provide a judgment.

I will say this book was very interesting, creative and unique. I found it difficult to follow, and it didn't align with my style, as it is. That said, it may work well for other folks.

Mark this one as incomplete.

To slow for me

I just couldn't get into this book. I got halfway through and finally just ditched. The idea of the story was interesting but it was just to slow for me. Just couldn't hold my interest.

The narrator did a great job. He gave a good performance.

I was voluntarily provided this free review copy audiobook by the author, narrator, or publisher.

"To be lost and abandoned ...."

Was Checkered Scissors worth the listening time?

To be honest, I have struggled to finish this book, with several restarts, over a considerable period of time. This is not to say that it is a bad story, simply one which was unable to either fire my imagination or hold my interest. And in this I might well be out of step with other readers; after all, I a not a fan of either Harry Potter or Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, either (I know, heresy - but I am trying to be fully up front here).

The book has several merits; the story is magically creative, shifting between dream states and 'reality' , all peopled with creative characters and some clever concepts, in particular the idea of a pool which can be cut to shape and where water can run perpendicularly and be folded is deliciously intriguing. The writing itself is simple, short sentences belying the complexity of the iconntent, and I enjoyed the waking life excerpts about Ed, his friend and partner in the cleverly named company Hammond Eggs. But the fairy tale overall, for me, became too long and infinitely tedious.

Gary Roelof's narration cannot be faulted. His calm and steady reading of the work was well paced and sympathetically performed, adding, after a while, to the dream like quality. Unfortunately, it also had the effect of drifting me away into my own dream world ...

I received Checkered Scissors as a complimentary gift from the rights owner, via Audiobook Boom. My thanks for this: it was an experience unlike most others For many I think this would be a great story, firing new ideas. Especially, perhaps, as a book for children caught in that magical age which precedes the launch into full adulthood. But personally I found the characters peopling the dream worlds not to my taste, with too much fantasy and fairytale.

An original journey tale

“Checkered Scissors” by Douglas Schwartz, narrated by Gary Roelofs, is a goofy, whacky, and quite unique tale of one man’s journey to recover his lost magical scissors. We meet some quite different characters along the way such as Glick who is over a thousand years old and he possesses people’s bodies. A salesman who uses scissors to craft his wonderfully creative and very popular pools. A mad scientist looking to find ways of travel between worlds so he can take over and rule them. And Max whose dreams have created much of what was brought to life in the book. Along with a host of other odd characters such as an ex-wrestler who was attacked by a shark.

The book takes the reader to many different otherly worlds (no space travel) where plants digest not only insects but large animals, pool water stays put in a horizontal position even though there is gravity, and entire cities with malls float around the skies; avoiding aircraft routes for obvious reasons. We come across some longtime warring factions and so much more as the book winds its way from start to finish. If this all sounds like quite a distinct journey, you would be right. At times, I found myself having to stop and take time to digest all that was happening. If this all sounds like something that would interest you, I would recommend you listen to the book or pick up a different edition. I do have a few caveats listed below in my review.

Let me start by saying that I did not go into this book understanding it was intended to be read and enjoyed by grade levels 4-12 (10-18-year-olds) until I did some research on the book’s Amazon Kindle edition page. Had I known this, I may not have been as interested in listening to the audiobook version. However, knowing this I want my review to reflect the book’s intended audience.

I found the writing style geared towards a younger audience along with more slapstick style humor. I do not remember any potty or immature humor, it was wittier to the age group. At times, I found it difficult knowing the audience because some topics or discussions would clearly only be understood by an adult reader. I’m unsure if the author was attempting to write like a Disney movie where something is funny to a child but also funny to an adult in a different way. A few referenced items in the book would only be known to an adult. I do not remember the book containing any innuendoes but there were a couple scenes discussing more adult subject matter; relationships, gender, etc. Overall the book’s sentences were simpler and shorter than I would expect when listening/reading adult aged books; so, it is more appropriate for the targeted audience.

This review is not saying that the book was unenjoyable, but once I understood it was directed towards a younger audience I could more freely appreciate it. The book reminds me more of a blending of steampunk, fantasy, and modern worlds all combined to create this very complex world where Max and his friends travel to find his magic scissors.

Let me turn my attention to the audiobook narration. Overall I think Mr. Roelofs did a good job narrating the book. His reading was consistent and well-paced. He appears to be a veteran in audiobook narration with over one hundred other titles to his name; crossing various genres. At times, I felt he was reading as I would to my child in the way he emphasized some sentences or voiced the different characters. Again, the book’s target audience is younger so I’m assuming the narration was read with this idea in mind. I have not listened to any other books by this narrator, so I’m unable to make any judgements apart from this book.

I do want to call out a few production issues with the audiobook version. First, there were a few places where I could make out some background noise, swallows, or it was clear the author was running out of air before completing the sentences he was reading. These were subtle items and did not take away from the overall story. The bigger issues for me was that an entire chapter (#26), containing nearly 20minutes of audio, was silent when I listened to the audiobook. After finishing the book, I deleted the copy I had downloaded from Audible, re-downloaded it and tried to listen to this one chapter again, but it too was blank. I’m sure this is something that Audible can address if it is not a production issue.

Disclaimer: I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator.