The Meaning of Matthew

My Son's Murder in Laramie, and a World Transformed

By: Judy Shepard

Narrated by: Judy Shepard

Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins

Publisher's summary

The mother of Matthew Shepard shares her story about her son's death and the choice she made to become an international gay rights activist.

Today, the name Matthew Shepard is synonymous with gay rights, but before his grisly murder in 1998, Matthew was simply Judy Shepard's son. For the first time in book form, Judy Shepard speaks about her loss, sharing memories of Matthew, their life as a typical American family, and the pivotal event in the small college town that changed everything.

The Meaning of Matthew follows the Shepard family in the days immediately after the crime, when Judy and her husband traveled to see their incapacitated son, kept alive by life support machines; how the Shepards learned of the incredible response from strangers all across America who held candlelit vigils and memorial services for their child; and finally, how they struggled to navigate the legal system as Matthew's murderers were on trial. Heart-wrenchingly honest, Judy Shepard confides with readers about how she handled the crippling loss of her child, why she became a gay rights activist, and the challenges and rewards of raising a gay child in America today.

The Meaning of Matthew not only captures the historical significance and complicated civil rights issues surrounding one young man's life and death, but it also chronicles one ordinary woman's struggle to cope with the unthinkable.

©2009 Judy Shepard (P)2009 Penguin

Critic reviews

“This book is beautiful: heartbreaking, honest, and written with a lovely open voice that makes the familiar story of the Shepard family's loss all the more devastating.” (Newsweek)

“The courage of Judy Shepard is unfathomable...but her message prevails: Tolerance and love must always overcome hatred.” (Entertainment Weekly)

“[This] towers over the majority of books written about high-profile issues and events...Judy Shepard is one woman telling one story - which she does with eloquence and heart.” (Chicago Sun-Times)

Heartbreaking

I would recommend this books to anyone that would like to hear their story as it happened through the eyes and ears of those who love Matthew

Good listen!!

Its a sad story and for his mom n dad to deal with it and stay strong, bless them!!

I cried

I started it on my bus rides to a semester final then finished it in the library after. Cried on the bus. Judy truly did a great job giving me information and emotion that paired with it.

Heart breaking story

Would you listen to The Meaning of Matthew again? Why?

I would listen to this book again and again. I found this story very sad, but the only way to change past mistakes is to find where we went wrong.

What other book might you compare The Meaning of Matthew to and why?

sadly to many.

What three words best describe Judy Shepard’s voice?

dry

If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

there is a movie about this story already. After reading the book its not the same as the movie. The movies are hardly ever same as the book.

Sad read...

Would you consider the audio edition of The Meaning of Matthew to be better than the print version?

Yes.

Which scene was your favorite?

None

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Matthew's death

Any additional comments?

I remember the day Matthew was murdered and was devastated that someone could be murdered just because of hate.

A compassionate take of a parent's pain

Judy Shepard walks us through the lead-up, the tragedy and the acceptance of an unbelievably painful point in time. We learn about the people, their actions, consequences and more as we relive details of life before, during and after one of the worst tragedies in the LGBT community. Compelling and whatever the equivalent could be in Audible-land for "page turning"!

Wonderfully written & narrated moving story

This is a heartfelt story of a mother turning a personal tragedy into a triumph for human rights. You will never forget this book and, like myself, you'll likely listen multiple times.

I love this book...

Such a beautiful yet heart-rending story and one that I can never forget. His life was so important to all of us.

Patience, Faith, Reward

I purchased this eBook, because I needed to hear Judy’s voice as she recalled her own words.

I too have a son and he is gay. I have lived as a lesbian and now as a trans masculine human ‘being.’

Judy, your words struck me throughout. I once lived in Casper and worked for a short time for KCWY-TV. I know of the winds you spoke of.

I live in the mountains of Colorado (Georgetown, CO).

I was struck that you shared you were a Job’s Daughter (Patience, Faith, Reward). What I learned from those words from the time I was twelve to the time of receiving my majority at eighteen have never left me.

During times of hate (yes, I have been called creepy by members of my synagogue and was Torah thumped by my own rabbi, has taught me to see the spark of the divine in everyone; including those whose cruelty toward made me feel like I needed a bag over my head. When I met with the rabbi and one woman that shamed me in front of the congregation, I was given the message that if I didn’t look the way I did, no one would make fun of me to my face. I asked them how a blind person would see me? Not for my tattoos or changing body; but for how I treated people. I have always looked someone in their eyes to see their soul, not their hairstyle, tattoos, style of dress, what kind of cars they drive or how big of a house they have.

Near the end of our meeting, I explained that how I dress, what bathroom I decide on, is about me; not to make anyone else feel better.

I explained that my tattoos were my form of cutting and it was either doing that, or taking my own life.

My adopted mom gave me one dollar and her contempt when she died. It was to write me out of her life and Will. The dollar was so I would not contest anything. I didn’t want money, I wanted her acceptance.

The last thing I said during my meeting with my rabbi and the one congregant was this, ‘This is exactly why I love dogs more than people. Dogs have never treated me the way people have.’

I have an identical twin. She is heterosexual and it pains her that I have never been prissy and had the desire to play house while growing up or wanting to do as she and our mom wanted. Our adult life have been bouts of her going away for decades at a time. She just couldn’t handle how I was living. In 2023 I had to go away. She lives in Florida and stated that what Gov. DeSantis was doing was not about me and what was happening in Florida would not affect me in Colorado. At the time, the Gov. Polard (a Governor that was also a gay man), made Colorado a sanctuary State for transgender people. I knew the ‘Don’t say Gay,’ the book bans, and Drag Queen laws would cause other States to do the same. Even if I wanted to go to Florida to see my twin ever again, I risked being arrested for whatever bathroom I used. I knew I risked being denighed treatment if I had a medical emergency.

The work you, your husband, and the Matthew Shepard Goundation is doing is saving lives.

A few years ago I went to a fundraising dinner in Denver for the Matthew Shepard Foundation. I met you and your husband. There were so many people. I thanked you for the work you are doing to repair the world one person and moment at a time.

G-d bless you for your strength, dedication, and abilities to do what you are doing for the LGBTQI+ communities. I know that during tough times you are saying, ‘Patience, Faith, Reward.’

Anshel Bomberger,
Georgetown, CO

Empowering

This is not so much a review of the book and story of Mathew. As I feel to review this as a "Typical" book does not do justice for the purpose and reason behind the publication of Mathews' story. But to hope that whom ever takes the time to read or listen to this account may walk away with a little more Exceptance, Compassion and Understanding. First and foremost to help Erase Hate. Thank you Shepard family for sharing your life and son Mathew with the world. Thank You Matthew for being just who you were. Not by your choices but by a greater power those things are put in place to make this a more tolerant place to live. Thank You!