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Publisher's Summary

You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.
©2005 Chelsea Handler (P)2008 Tantor

What members say

Average Customer Ratings


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  • Overall
  • Kathryn
  • Richardson, TX, USA
  • 12-10-08

Chelsea, You are HYSTERICAL!

Wow, what a witty and quick book this was! I found myself laughing so hard cappucino nearly came out my nose, as I listened and drove one night. Very, very funny book. Be prepared for straight talk about sex and a new interpretation of your sexuality.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book!

14 of 15 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Lezlee
  • Omaha, NE, USA
  • 07-05-10

My Horizontal Life

Although not narrated by Chelsea herself, this book is witty and raunchy all at once! This book does not disapoint.

6 of 6 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

Love this book

I am a huge fan love her humor. Found myself laughing out loud. The only disappointment was Chelsea did not narrate.

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Erica
  • Cookeville, TN, USA
  • 12-04-09

Loved It

I have listened to this book at least ten times and it is funnier every time. My only disappointment was that the book was narrated by someone other than Chelsea Handler. Her inflection and dramatic pauses make her even funnier (in my opinion) and I would have LOVED for her to read this one to me! The narrator did do a fabulous job, however! After a few minutes, I forgot it wasn't Chelsea. It would make a great gift for any Chelsea fan (or anyone who likes comedy).

7 of 8 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Felicia
  • The Colony, TX, United States
  • 07-30-10

Fun Time!

What I Loved: Chelsea is so very Chelsea in this book. She gets herself into the most unique situations and always seems to keep a sense of humor about herself. She manages to make even the most uncomfortable situation funny.

What I Liked: She never names people--she gives them cute little nicknames. I also like the chronological order of things, her situations change as she gets older and she doesn't try to make herself look like a saint.

What was So-So: Not a darn thing! I listened to this on audio book and found myself laughing out loud often.

Why I gave it a 4: I love reading auto-biographies that are interesting and fun. Chelsea managed to keep a sense of humor about her life and relay that to the reader/listener.

Book Received From: Purchased on Audible

2 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Hakes
  • Wilkes Barre, PA, United States
  • 08-02-09

Sick and Amusing

Chelsea Handler is not for everyone, but if you can get past her uninhibited frankness her books are hilarious. This narrator sounds very much like Ms Handler, and had no problem at all conveying her dry humor. For me, this fell into the category of light listening. It wouldn't have held my interest on a long drive, but it was perfect to listen to while painting the bedroom. I recommend listening with don't want kids (or your 80 year old mother) to hear this!

5 of 6 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • amy
  • platte city, MO, United States
  • 08-19-09


I read this book last year, and I enjoyed the book so much that I bought the audio book to listen to as I run (I enjoy comedy when running).

Why didn't Chelsea Handler narrate this? She narrated her last book, and it was GREAT GREAT GREAT. The narrator was reading a story to me, and it felt like that. Like I was just being read to; Chelsea was so good in her last audio book I felt like she was telling me a story.

The book is the same, but I think I would have enjoyed this more with Chelsea Handler. Even the sarcasm and some of the jokes didn't come through.

7 of 9 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

SO Funny!

So funny!!
She is out of control!! SO funny hearing her crazy stories! =-)

3 of 4 people found this review helpful

  • Overall

It is worth the money

Chelsea Handler made me laugh from beginning to end. The book was very funny

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Renee
  • Towson, MD, United States
  • 06-18-09

Great Listen!

Very funny story.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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  • Overall
  • Miss
  • 10-14-11


I've been a huge fan of Chelsea Handler for a while, and was so excited to read this book. It really doesn't disappoint. One of those books you can read over and over again and still enjoy as much as you did the first time.

  • Overall
  • James
  • 03-28-09

A wonderful collection of short stories

As the host of one America's favourite late night chat shows, Chelsea Handler is known for her quick wit and sharp comments. This book contains many embarrassing and cringe worthy stories told through handler's trademark wit.

This is a fantastic book!

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  • Story
  • Kirsten
  • 10-14-16

one big beginning of a story with no end.

the stories are funny but it ends just as the real story begins. don't expect anything grand. it's a little funny but i wouldn't listen again.