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If at Birth You Don't Succeed
- My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny
- Narrated by: Zach Anner
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
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Publisher's summary
Comedian Zach Anner opens his frank and devilishly funny book, If at Birth You Don't Succeed, with an admission: He botched his own birth. Two months early, underweight and underprepared for life, he entered the world with cerebral palsy and an uncertain future. So how did this hairless mole rat of a boy blossom into a viral Internet sensation who's hosted two travel shows, impressed Oprah, driven the Mars Rover, and inspired a John Mayer song? (It wasn't "Your Body is a Wonderland".)
Zach lives by the mantra: When life gives you a wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his 30th birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains.
If at Birth You Don't Succeed is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies".
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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The Todd Glass Situation
- A Bunch of Lies about My Personal Life and a Bunch of True Stories about My 30-Year Career in Standup Comedy
- By: Todd Glass, Jonathan Grotenstein
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn't have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results. Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone - young and old, gay and straight - breathe a little more freely.
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Worth It
- By Heather on 11-17-14
By: Todd Glass, and others
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Coreyography
- By: Corey Feldman
- Narrated by: Corey Feldman
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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In this brave and moving memoir, Corey Feldman is revealing the truth about what his life was like behind the scenes: His is a past that included physical, drug, and sexual abuse, a dysfunctional family from which he was emancipated at age fifteen, three high-profile arrests for drug possession, a nine-month stint in rehab, and a long, slow crawl back to the top of the box office.
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Didn't like the Two Coreys, but liked this.
- By ricketsj on 04-29-14
By: Corey Feldman
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A Little Bit Wicked
- Life, Love, and Faith in Stages
- By: Kristin Chenoweth
- Narrated by: Kristin Chenoweth
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this frank and funny memoir, the Tony Award-winning star of stage and screen shares her journey from small-town Oklahoma to big-time Broadway, vamping on what it takes to stand firmly on a foundation of family and faith while wearing a hot pair of Jimmy Choo platform sling-backs.
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Salt of the Earth + Sparkles
- By Holly on 10-01-09
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Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
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Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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Why I Hate Green Beans
- And Other Confessions About Relationships, Reality TV, and How We See Ourselves
- By: Lincee Ray
- Narrated by: Lincee Ray
- Length: 4 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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If there is one thing Lincee Ray has learned over the years, it's that the majority of women on the planet struggle with insecurities. Our skinny jeans mock us. Our just-trying-to-help mothers are just driving us crazy. Our social media feeds taunt us with everyone else's picture-perfect lives. It's enough to send you on a gummy-bear bender while binge-watching Friends reruns and not showering for a week. Lincee knows. She's been there. Right there, in fact. Gummy bears and all.
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Perfect in every way!
- By Anonymous User on 10-19-22
By: Lincee Ray
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I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends
- Confessions of a Reality Show Villain
- By: Courtney Robertson, Deborah Baer
- Narrated by: Courtney Robertson
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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I didn't come here to make friends
- By Carolyn on 06-10-15
By: Courtney Robertson, and others
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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I'm Hosting as Fast as I Can!
- By: Tom Bergeron
- Narrated by: Tom Bergeron
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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In I'm Hosting as Fast as I Can!, Tom elaborates on the process by which he is able to sit calmly and patiently, without being distracted, at any time, no matter how hectic, as well as respond quickly (and hilariously) when Marie Osmond faints at his feet on live TV. Haven't seen it? Check it out on YouTube. The man is always in control.
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A wonderful "read"
- By Chrys on 04-29-09
By: Tom Bergeron
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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In the Water They Can't See You Cry
- A Memoir
- By: Amanda Beard, Rebecca Paley
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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At the tender age of 14, Amanda Beard walked onto the pool deck at the Atlanta Olympics carrying her teddy bear, Harold, and left with two silvers and a gold medal. She competed in three more Olympic games, winning a total of seven medals, and enjoyed a lucrative modeling career on the side. At one point, she was the most downloaded female athlete on the Internet. Yet despite her astonishing career and sex-symbol status, Amanda felt unworthy of all her success. Unaware that she was suffering from clinical depression, she hid the pain beneath a megawatt smile.
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I applaud Amanda - but her editor's were lame
- By Heather on 03-10-15
By: Amanda Beard, and others
What listeners say about If at Birth You Don't Succeed
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Zachary D Anner
- 04-07-16
Zach A.
I thought I did pretty well, to be honest. But I guess I'm kind of biased.
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187 people found this helpful
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- Basil Sands
- 04-21-16
Review from a professional narrator
What about Zach Anner’s performance did you like?
Not often can an author of a book be their own narrator. In this case though, no one could have read this book the way Zach does. His comedic timing is excellent. His tone in the serious parts held me close to the story. In general, I found it well done in all aspects. As one who does narration for a living all I can say is, Great Job!
Any additional comments?
Funny, Poignant, Eye Opening, and over all well done. Highly recommended.
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26 people found this helpful
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- Patrick Hart
- 04-12-16
Unbridled Positivity
I was late to the Zach Anner fan club, so by the time I knew anything of his body of work, his book was already slated for release the next month. I found that he was just as hilarious as he was endearing. As the pretty much negative person as I am, I found his optimism and positivity void of the preachy nature I find most folk with such enthusiasm; which made me love him even more.
I had no idea what to expect from his book, just that I was sure I would laugh along with him and his particular brand of humor. What I found in listening to him speak about his life, was that his honest heartfelt nature nearly brought me to tears many times, not because of anything to do with his disability, but because of his overcoming a very real problem we all face at junctures in our lives; despair.
I needed this book. I've spent most of my life waiting for something so profoundly positive to happen to fill the chasm of negativity I had dug for myself, never even stopping to think that I could simply make the conscious choice to be more positive. As cliché as it seems, there is truth in that sometimes the easiest solutions are the hardest ones to see.
Though I may never get to thank him in person, and he'll more than likely never read this, I would like to thank him. So thanks Zach, a million times over, you are an amazing human being.
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16 people found this helpful
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- Daryl
- 05-21-16
READ THIS BOOK!
I listened to this book as fast as I could. It's funny (OK, hilarious), irreverent in places, poignant in others. Zach neither lets himself be defined by his physical limitations nor glosses over them and pretends his life is easy. As a woman with a disability (admittedly different from Zach's), I found myself agreeing with him on many fine points of disability etiquette, nuance, and finding your way.
A piece of advice, though: do NOT listen to this book on the bus; you'll be laughing so hard that people will look at you funny...
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10 people found this helpful
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- Brandy Mullis
- 04-13-16
Much love and admiration
loved the book...real life doesnt always have to be depressing. i myself have struggle with a mild form of CP for going on 43 years, but aside from all the taunts, ridicule and misguided questions as to why i walk or run the way i do, i have surpassed all that the doctors expected of me. Thanks for being you and for sharing yourself with us 💜
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8 people found this helpful
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- Kerry Hall
- 03-29-16
Inspiring and hilarious. Glad I heard it from him.
Glad I heard it in his voice. His delivery was great and gave me lots of feels. "I'm ashamed of the Retard!" Hilarious!
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8 people found this helpful
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- chelsey
- 03-29-16
Refreshing read
This book is hilarious. I feel like Zach is my close friend after reading this book. Great job Zach!
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6 people found this helpful
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- WheezCheez
- 04-08-16
Beautiful Person - Everyone Needs him in their life!
Read by Zach himself, this book gives you 10 + hours of the fantastic inspiration that he givea daily. Bring him in your world. Smile some!
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5 people found this helpful
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- Dijonna Terry
- 04-05-16
Inspiration Among the Dick Jokes
Wanted to hear his autobiography ever since I heard he was publishing one. What I thought was to be a bunch of short funny stories about his life and experience turned to be that plus more. Despite being a fan of Zach Anner, the persona, I had no idea of who Zach Anner, the person, was. No one warned me he could be so philosophical while talking about water slides and The Olive Garden. Greatly enjoyed listening to this. Thanks Zach!
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5 people found this helpful
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- Aidan
- 03-28-16
Yes, yes, 1000 yesses!
A beautiful set of stories read by a beautiful man. Zach rules! Thought-provoking, emotional, inspiring.
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4 people found this helpful