Holding Back the Tears

By: Annie Mitchell

Narrated by: Stephanie Robinson

Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins

Publisher's summary

This is a true story about a Scottish mother who received news of the death of her son, whom she refers to as "me laddie" throughout her story.

On a cold winter's evening, February 6, 2000, Finlay Sinclair - "me laddie" - tragically took his own life.

His mother's memories of the past are triggered by everyday life events, and her mind is taken back and forth in time - back to her own childhood days in 1960, when she flirted with the fairground boys, and forward to the day she gave birth to Finlay.

She shares with you her doubts about her own self-worth and how she prepares to make plans to re-unite with her role as mother - a role she had denied herself for seven years prior to Finlay's death.

She learns how to forgive herself and how to accept her loss, using practical coping strategies that sometimes, but not always, work for her.

Many voices of different natures and walks of life appear in Rosie's, story, with each offering part of their own beliefs to try and console her in her misery - though she turns her back on any advice or support offered. She is convinced she can cope with her loss on her own and "needs no help from anyone, thank you" - until a sweet, gentle, soft-spoken voice begins to travel with her throughout her ordeal, leaving her no other choice but to listen.

Eventually moving to the countryside in Angus, Rosie finds the isolation gives her life new meaning, offering her the opportunity to revalue her beliefs about her self. She decides the time has come to give her son a memorial service and invites a chosen few dance companions, whom she met on a regular basis in Edinburgh, to honour this day.

©2013 Annie Mitchell / EL (P)2014 Annie Mitchell/ EL