Heads in Beds

A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality

By: Jacob Tomsky

Narrated by: Jacob Tomsky

Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins

Publisher's summary

In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry.

Jacob Tomsky has worked in hotels for more than a decade, doing everything from valet parking to manning the front desk. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late check out, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your mini-bar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. And in Heads in Beds, he pulls back the curtain on the hospitality business, revealing the crazy yet compelling reality of an industry we think we know. It is an incredibly funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life and boy, is there a market for it: in 2010, the American lodging industry generated $127.7 billion in revenue. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on the valet parking garage, and the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets.

Prepare to be moved, too, by his insightful honesty about the profession; employees are often poorly paid and frequently abused. However, Heads in Beds is more than just a memoir. Jake explains the secrets of the industry, offering easy and legal ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle - from scoring late check-ins and upgrades to getting that pay-per-view charge knocked off your bill. This book will give you the knowledge you need to get the very best service from any hotel or property, from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, it will keep the bellhops from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and stomping the crap out of it.

©2012 Jacob Tomsky (P)2012 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"Jacob Tomsky is a star. The kid writes like a dream. Heads in Beds is hilarious, literate, canny, indignant and kind - revealing an author who manages somehow to be both a total hustler and a complete humanitarian. I love this book. Keep an eye on this writer. I'm telling you, he's a star." (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

Stunningly fun to listen to

I listen to maybe one non-fiction a year but the reviews were soooo good I got curious. This was terrific and the author/narrarator was icing on the cake. This guy needs to make this a PodCast. FN hilarious.

a fun easy listen

this book is so fun. I like how each chapter is a new role he takes on. the 'reminiscent New Orleans' chapter is my favorite for the loving description. he reads the whole book well. originally I got this book when I was in the hotel industry, but now that I'm not it's just an enjoyable listen with tips I still recommend to people.

Fun listen

Educational and entertaining for folks that travel. 👍 fun listen and great tips on “working hotels”

The presidential suite of audiobooks

I travel on business a lot. I stay in hotels over 150 nights a year. This book was not only entertaining and a pleasure to listen to (Thomsky is a natural reader/actor/performer), it gave me some real insight and tips for how I should approach my stays in hotels. Funny as hell. Full of interesting stories. And the author experienced something of a dramatic arc from beginning to end. Very well done.

If only it was longer.....

Would you consider the audio edition of Heads in Beds to be better than the print version?

Not sure but I would assume yes due to the amazing performance by the author. Knowing his own characters he brought them to life in a way that I would not have been so bold to create myself.

Which character – as performed by Jacob Tomsky – was your favorite?

All of them. Seriously.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?

-tip the usher on the way in :)

Any additional comments?

This storys characters came alive. It was almost a mistake to listen to this at work as I had a couple close calls of "coffee sprayed monitor" due to the amazing writing and narration. Ne'er again will I say the oh so ignorant phrase "I don't want to trouble him" and just say "No thank you, I appreciate the offer".

Thankfully I have always learned to book through the actual hotel. I rebelled against hotels a while back due to expensive rooms and usually sub-par service, opting to spend a couple extra dollars on a B&B (they are always happy to see you but not so great for epically loud sex).


Also a cool shout out to The Las Vegas Hard Rock for having exceptional concierge. I really hope my husband tipped them for bringing my drunk ass up to the hotel room that night I got lost. Stay in their suite tower, drop the extra coin as I assure you, they are amazeballs.

my good friend Tommy will help you out.

The book is entertaining and funny. The characters are easy to relate to. I felt as if I worked at each hotel as well.

OK, I get it

Any additional comments?

This one's like the waiter rant. The workers are frustrated and angry. The only way out is to give them money and even then it never seems to be enough. I learned a lot seeing it from the other side, the story and the performance were well done, but I don't ever want to go to a hotel or a restaurant again.

Probable one of the best books I've listened to

I don't do reviews. Just takes up to much time, but for this book, I just had to. This has got to be the best book I've listened to on audible. It was one of those rare situations where I just couldn't stop listening until it was over. Granted, I'm big into a book that has good stories, and if it has some extremely useful information scattered in there to then it's a real winner for me. This book was all that, plus it was just so well read, by a great story teller. The book had me constantly laughing and totally into the story line, but more than that, I can't WAIT to try out the many hints, tips, and "inside scoop" ideas that the author presents. As he says, it's just a hustle, but this hustle can get you great stays at America's hotels because, for once, it will be you that knows how to make the machine work. Super great job. Loved every minute of it.

I was once a Ginger Smith

having spent quite a bit of time at luxury hotels, I'm just relieved that I comported myself properly when dealing with the staff! more, more please Tom Jacobs!!!

if you have ever worked in a hotel you'll love it!

It's completely true and VERY relatable. 10/10 would recommend this book

(also has some good tips for booking and staying in a hotel)