Don't Lick the Minivan

And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

By: Leanne Shirtliffe

Narrated by: Trudie Kessler

Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins

Publisher's summary

As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.

In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:

• The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied
• The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan's paint with rocks
• The funeral she officiated for "Stripper Barbie"
• The horror of glitter
• And much more!

A delayed encounter with postpartum depression helps Shirtliffe to realize that even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins' college - eh, therapy - fund. And possibly her own. Crisply written, Don't Lick the Minivan will have parents laughing out loud and nodding in agreement. Shirtliffe's memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

©2013 Leanne Shirtliffe (P)2013 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Leanne Shirtliffe writes with hilarity and poignancy as to the trials and pains (literally) of motherhood. She is our new Erma Bombeck!" (Elizabeth Boyle, New York Times best-selling author)

Unexpectedly a GREAT book!

Found this by accident, not something I would normally choose, but very glad I did. Lots of funny stories and anecdotes... and the reading added to this.

Definitely one I would recommend to anyone, but especially expecting/new parents.

Relatable

Any additional comments?

This was a fun, easy listen. I think most parents of young children will be able to find some stories in this book that they can relate to. Nothing in this audio book had me laughing out loud, but it definitely put a smile on my face.

Endearing Story

Thank you for sharing your memories. This is a sweet story sprinkled with humor. I think the reader sounds older than the age of the mother in the story. Voice is trying too hard. Story is cut though.

Some humor but not LoL

Leanne and her husband, Chris, are teachers and he is all a librarian. They have twins, Vivian and William. While the stories of parenting twins have some humor to them they did not make me laugh out loud or even giggle most of the way through the book. I did find some of the stories (such as the church scenes and all I can say is “out of the mouths of babes”) funny. The parents work hard and do what they can to get through as we all do while parenting. They are able to get some help (such as help cleaning 5 hours a month as stated in the book) but I didn’t get the sense that they were “rolling in money”as other reviewers would write. The book was just OK for me nothing what I was expecting or needed.

Must Read for Parents

A wonderful journal that reminds you not to take parenting too seriously. Definitely worth the listen!

Poor narration

Where does Don't Lick the Minivan rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?

middle, not the best, not the worst book I have listened to.

How did the narrator detract from the book?

poor recitation, flat, no emotion, choppy, with pauses where there should not be any. Poor narration distracts from the humor that the author wishes to portray

Any additional comments?

This was a poor listen, not because of the content, rather the poor naration .

Almost peed myself

One of the best comedy books I have ever listen to I've already listened to it I think twice and I plan on listening to it again fantastic

Real Doesn’t Mean Perfect

As a mom of six, I know that there’s no such thing as perfect parenting. They don’t hand out instructions when you give birth; we all have to do our best and love our kids no matter what (even if we don’t always seem to like them sometimes, but really it’s their actions we don’t like.)
There’s a sense in validation in hear the stories of other parents who have their own tales of dysfunction and if you can laugh together and think or say, “Yep, been there, done that” all the better.
If you’re not a perfect parent of perfect children, this book is for you. Don’t be afraid to show your own real. Enjoy!
Thank you Leanne for showing us your real.

*your real, not you’re real

Hilarious!

What made the experience of listening to Don't Lick the Minivan the most enjoyable?

I listen to audible books at bedtime as I'm falling asleep. It made me laugh so much, that I had to stop listening to it a number of times, just so that I could fall asleep. I just wanted to keep listening and laughing, but it kept me awake.

Who was your favorite character and why?

N/A

What about Trudie Kessler’s performance did you like?

GREAT intonation in her voice!

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

I wanted to, but didn't have time.

Funny twin mom content

I loved the writing style and the content. Lots of funny stories. Real and relatable