• Assholes Finish First

  • By: Tucker Max
  • Narrated by: Tucker Max
  • Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
  • 4.4 out of 5 stars (1,168 ratings)

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Assholes Finish First  By  cover art

Assholes Finish First

By: Tucker Max
Narrated by: Tucker Max
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Publisher's summary

What do you do after you write a number-one best-selling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you've got another f-ing book on your hands. Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit." You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you've never thought of asking: What's it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets? How does it feel to get multiple requests to "fuck for charity"? What does it do to a man to watch a 19-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does? At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job? When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name next to her pussy, what is the appropriate reaction? Can you X-ray a blowjob? The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man's experiences: His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an asshole.

©2010 Tucker Max (P)2010 Simon and Schuster Audio

What listeners say about Assholes Finish First

Average customer ratings
Overall
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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

SMH...HUGE balls Tucker!!!!!

Oh. My. God! This book is so funny. I actually bought the paperback at the Goodwill for like 75 cents or something. I read the first chapter and waited two days to get the free audible. I laughed my butt off. This guy is such a douche. But, to be honest how many times have you actually just said and did what you felt and didn't worry about the consequences? I can honestly say that, yes, he was an asshole, but, I'm married to an asshole that's just as bad so I can honestly say that I enjoyed Tucker's asshole tendencies. I absolutly loved his sex stories, it takes HUGE balls to admit to some of what Tucker has admitted to. But, hey, like he said, there wouldn't be a book without them. He says what he thinks, does what he wants, consequencies be damned. I loved it.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious, A great writer!!

Tucker has a way of describing moments and makes them funny. I had a friend in N.y who was similar to Max so the book made me kind of reminisce my teen and early 20's. who need to listen to this book you ask, well it's the really nice guys who finish last and from Max perspective you can see why he always finishes first, just like my friend in N.Y he never gave a F@ck and women just gravitated to him. if you listen carefully there's allot you can learn , like how girls play you when they get pregnant from other guys and tell you the kid is yours, this happened to me and some of the other situatuons Max found himself in. I wish I would have had Tucker Max info available to me when I was younger to have avoided some situations. I do want to thank Tucker Max for writing this book.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Awesome

Everything I expected. Raunchy, lewd, and offendingly hilarious. Tucker max is the stuff of dreams.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
  • CK
  • 03-15-17

Turkerrred to the max

I laughed more with this one than I did with the first one. The stories though did get a bit repetitive. But I'm loving this guy.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Great stories

Enjoyed the audiobook except a few stories were missing from the audiobook that were in the book.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

THIS ASSHOLE FINISHED FIRST, IN MY BOOK...

Tucker Max outdoes himself... AGAIN.
another masterpiece.... you couldn't make this shit up!
outstanding, a masterpiece...

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Tucker, Hire Someone To Read For You

What made the experience of listening to Assholes Finish First the most enjoyable?

Hilarious, if you like drunk/clever humor, this is for you, if you don't, you're the reason this book is so damn funny.

Would you listen to another book narrated by Tucker Max?

No, unless he wrote it.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

No, way too funny. Laughed so hard many times I had to pause it.

Any additional comments?

Tucker needs to never read his own books again, he gets women because he's clever, but his voice is not at all what you pictured. I read the first book and got this on Audible and wow, he's delivery, no sarcastic tones when he's obviously kidding, his yelling was more like loud talking and when he describes people, he doesn't seem excited nor ticked off. He's obviously really good at expressing himself drunk, I wish he would have performed this drunk.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Hate it or love it...

Do you like beer? What about sex? Are you American? Well, if you answered yes to all of those, you most definitely should purchase this work of literary genius. Listening to this audiobook will cause intense fits of laughter in public places at inappropriate times, deep introspection on your own life, and inspiration to be fucking awesome. Don't be a pussy and finish last. Be an asshole, buy this book, and finish first.... I do every time and my girlfriend love it!

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

good but missing stories

overall good however is missing many stories from the actual physical copy. was disappointed in that but still funny

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

LOL!

What made the experience of listening to Assholes Finish First the most enjoyable?

I read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and it was HILARIOUS. Just up my ally. I looked up Tucker Max to see if he had any other books, and I hit the jackpot. I downloaded all of them and listened to them back to back. It helped that i read them in order.

What did you like best about this story?

Hilarious. Just hilarious. I have a foul sense of humor that not many people may share, so this book was perfect. I would have a beer or two with Tucker Max.

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