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Baby's First Book of Seriously F--ked-Up Shit
- Narrated by: Edoardo Ballerini
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
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Baby's First Book of Seriously F--ked-Up Shit
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Publisher's summary
Lambent Light Publishing presents nine stories of the strange, the gross, and the just plain f--ked up from Robert Devereaux, one of the most original voices in fantastic fiction.
- “Showdown at Stinking Springs” - A tall-tale faceoff in a dusty town. No guns drawn, just two seductive sex-slingers pitched against each other in a town due to be consumed in a series of libido-whipped firestorms.
- “Clap If You Believe” - When Alex courts a winged pixie no taller than his index finger, it falls to her normal-sized parents to determine if he’s the right kind of weirdo to properly love and care for their daughter.
- “Ridi, Bobo” - Clown noir told strictly in mime. A cheating wife, her suspicious husband, two young sons, and a weepy-faced detective spin this tragic tale of the Big Top.
- “Lil’ Miss Ultrasound” - A beauty contest for third-trimester fetuses, ferocious competition among their pregnant moms, and a judge with a most peculiar perversion indeed.
- “Bucky Goes to Church” - A young teen takes his revenge on a bullying town, only to receive an unexpected visit from God Almighty herself.
- “Fructus in Eden” - Suppose Adam and Eve had been forgiven their first transgression. And their second transgression. This Edenic foursome might have been the result.
- “One Flesh: A Cautionary Tale” - A savage tale loaded with unspeakable acts as a reincarnated - or so they believe - father-and-son pair spars over the choicest body parts of their widows.
- “The Slobbering Tongue That Ate the Frightfully Huge Woman” - A story that pays homage to the B-movie schlock shown at '50s and '60s drive-ins. Climax: a human dildo at the Grand Canyon.
- “Holy Fast, Holy Feast” - Gurus, zombies, and young folk trying to survive in downtown Montreal struggle in this metafictional stew of love, lust, and terror.
Edoardo Ballerini, two-time Audie award winner as best male narrator, lends his considerable talents to these twisted tales of horror and dark fantasy.
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 636
For Nasir, former Special Ops military man and bodyguard, his new job seems like an easy-money gig: Trail a Russian mobster’s runaway wife in Mexico, enjoy the sun, observe, and report. Just one rule: Don’t get too close. But it’s all Naz can do not to watch the alluring dancer’s every move. A closer look is irresistible - especially when she’s in trouble.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Action and Romance!
- By Melanie on 04-15-19
By: J.T. Geissinger
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Demon Hunting In Dixie
- Demon Hunting Series, Book 1
- By: Lexi George
- Narrated by: Alexandra Ralph
- Length: 12 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 42
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 40
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 40
Addy Corwin is a florist with an attitude. A bad attitude, or so her mama says, ’cause she's not looking for a man. Mama's wrong. Addy has looked. There's just not much to choose from in Hannah, her small Alabama hometown. Until Brand Dalvahni shows up, a supernaturally sexy, breathtakingly well-built hunk of a warrior from - well, not from around here, that's for sure. Mama thinks he might be European or maybe even a Yankee. Brand says he's from another dimension.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fantastic book. Narrator was amazing.
- By G. Smith on 09-24-20
By: Lexi George
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June First
- By: Jennifer Hartmann
- Narrated by: Neill Thorne, Stefanie Kay
- Length: 16 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 140
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 129
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 129
Want to know what happens to a man who barely claws his way out of a tragedy, only to fall right into the arms of the one girl in the world he can never have? Another tragedy, that's what. When I was six years old, my father made a choice that altered the course of my entire life. Because of what he did, the only girl I ever loved became the only girl I couldn’t have. In a lot of ways, I did have her; I had her first steps, her first words, her first smile. I had her milestones, her heartbreaks, her dreams.
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5 out of 5 stars
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😍😍 I love this book so much!
- By Gabe_Reads on 03-01-23
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Lush Money
- By: Angelina M. Lopez
- Narrated by: Scarlette Hayes
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 29
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 28
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Story5 out of 5 stars 27
Billionaire CEO Roxanne Medina has conquered small-town bullies, Princeton snobs, and boardrooms of white male executives who looked down on her Mexican-American ancestry. Mothering a princess - and feeling a little less lonely at the top - is her next rightful adventure. The self-made billionaire feels the bargain she offers the prince is reasonable: After three nights a month in her bed for a year, she will divorce him with a settlement large enough to save the small Spanish principality that means everything to him.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Have never read a romance novel
- By Amazon Customer on 12-06-19
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Divine by Mistake
- Partholon, Book 1
- By: P. C. Cast
- Narrated by: Lorelei King
- Length: 16 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 469
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 431
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 431
Surrounded by old folks and even older artifacts at an auction, high school English teacher Shannon Parker never expects to find something that shocks her down to her very core: an ancient vase, complete with a beautiful painting of a goddess that looks just like her. And just as she's stealing away with her seriously suspicious purchase, she's magically thrown into the world of Partholon, where not only has she taken the place of Rhiannon, Goddess Incarnate and Epona's Chosen, but she's due to be married to a surly (but oh-so-handsome) High Shaman centaur, ClanFintan.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Skip if rape is a trigger
- By Renee Smith on 12-11-19
By: P. C. Cast
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Disordered: The Complete Case Files of Dr. Matilda Schmidt, Paranormal Psychologist
- The Case Files of Dr. Matilda Schmidt, Paranormal Psychologist Book 8
- By: Cynthia St. Aubin
- Narrated by: Hollie Jackson
- Length: 20 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 163
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 151
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 152
Meet Dr. Matilda Schmidt, Paranormal Psychologist. Sure, the life of a sexy vampire or alpha shifter is all fabulous fur and fangs on T.V., but what happens when you lose your bite? You call Dr. Matilda Schmidt, of course! With the help of her delicious demigod bounty hunter and hot hit man lover, there's no case too desperate for the good doctor to handle - for a reasonable hourly fee.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Editing missed a few transitions
- By A.Ward on 07-09-16
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Arcadia
- By: Lauren Groff
- Narrated by: Andrew Garman
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 364
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 316
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Story4 out of 5 stars 314
Lauren Groff’s acclaimed debut novel The Monsters of Templeton was short-listed for the Orange Prize. Her second novel, Arcadia opens in the late 1960s with a group of young idealists forming a commune in western New York State. Into this group is born Bit, who grows into a quiet, distant man. Over the course of 50 years, Bit witnesses the utopia crumble and the world change in unimaginable ways.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Luscious prose, intimate and realistic
- By Kathleen on 03-22-12
By: Lauren Groff
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Hemlock Grove
- or, The Wise Wolf
- By: Brian McGreevy
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 421
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 382
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Story4 out of 5 stars 381
The body of a young girl is found mangled and murdered in the woods of Hemlock Grove, Pennsylvania, in the shadow of the abandoned Godfrey Steel Mill. A manhunt ensues - though the authorities aren’t sure if it's a man they should be looking for.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Very similar to the TV show
- By Erin on 01-01-14
By: Brian McGreevy
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Love Bites
- Tails from the Alpha Art Gallery, Book 1
- By: Cynthia St. Aubin
- Narrated by: Stella Hunter
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 135
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 124
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 125
A girl's gotta eat—and so do her three cats. Recently divorced art history grad student Hanna Harvey has just fibbed her way into a job as the assistant to dangerously drool-worthy art gallery owner Mark Abernathy. For Hanna, working in the field she desperately loves provides the perfect opportunity to begin putting her life back together. Soon her cheese budget is in the black and her feline life partners are no longer eyeing her like a can of Fancy Feast. But when her boss's lady friends start turning up dead, Hanna finds herself in the crosshairs of a murder investigation.
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4 out of 5 stars
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characterization goes in and out, but overall,
- By Aryn on 08-12-22
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Sula
- By: Toni Morrison
- Narrated by: Toni Morrison
- Length: 5 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,034
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,665
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,661
Nel and Sula's devotion is fierce enough to withstand bullies and the burden of a dreadful secret. It endures even after Nel has grown up to be a pillar of the black community and Sula has become a pariah. But their friendship ends in an unforgivable betrayal—or does it end? Terrifying, comic, ribald and tragic, Sula is a work that overflows with life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Good against evil and a riotous story to boot
- By Karen on 04-11-11
By: Toni Morrison
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Nightshade
- Nightshade Duology, Book 1
- By: Keri Lake
- Narrated by: Islay Jacobs, Ryan West
- Length: 20 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 90
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 81
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 81
My father called them messengers. He once told me they walked among us and that somewhere in this dark and godless city, there shined a faint sliver of hope. I had only to look for the signs. Well, I’ve spent my whole life investigating the inexplicable and all I've found are the unsettling vestiges of iniquity—the evidence of another world shrouded by the obscure. Purgatory to some, where depravity hides in shadows, and girls like me are little more than delicious bites of temptation. Others call it Nightshade.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Oh. My. Goodness!
- By 561jack on 09-06-23
By: Keri Lake
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Carrie
- By: Stephen King
- Narrated by: Sissy Spacek, Margaret Atwood
- Length: 7 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 7,637
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 6,827
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 6,807
An unpopular teenage girl, whose mother is a religious fanatic, is tormented and teased to the breaking point by her more popular schoolmates. She uses her hidden telekinetic powers to inflict a terrifying revenge.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The best of Stephen Kings books, and to think he a
- By Angelia Chisolm on 09-26-12
By: Stephen King
What listeners say about Baby's First Book of Seriously F--ked-Up Shit
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- timj26
- 09-30-22
Exactly as advertised
A wonderfully bizarre mix of erotica and violence
The narrator does an excellent job with this one
If you’re looking for a different experience the title says it all
I received a free review audiobook and voluntarily left this review
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Bill
- 08-31-22
Baby is going to love this
I can’t figure out this if I hate or love the title of this one. It did put me off on reading it for a while because…I don’t know why…
It has grown on me however mostly because it was really f'n good. Really f’n good.
The writing was crisp, stories paced perfectly and of course it had plenty of seriously f***ed-up sh*t. Just the way I like it.
A carousel of cruelty, pizza topping cheek flesh, boobies - nature’s bounty, clown anatomy lessons, sexing Tink, melting strawberry popsicles, failed vulvectomy and a bucket of crimson confetti.
Yep. Seriously f***ed-up sh*t.
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1 person found this helpful