How to Get Your Child to Cooperate WITHOUT a Fight | Co-Regulation | E377

If every simple request turns into a power struggle, you’re not alone. How to Get Your Child to Cooperate WITHOUT a Fight reveals why cooperation starts in the nervous system—not willpower. Guided by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, founder of Regulation First Parenting™ and expert in childhood dysregulation, you’ll learn calmer, brain-based solutions that work.

If every simple request feels like a negotiation, meltdown, or power struggle, you’re not alone. This isn’t bad parenting—it’s a nervous system under pressure. When kids can’t regulate, cooperation goes offline. And once you understand that, everything changes.

In this episode, I break down the real neurological reason kids resist, why “just listen” doesn’t work, and the exact strategies that help kids of all ages—toddlers, school-age kids, and even older kids—cooperate without fights.

Why does my child say “no” to everything—even simple things like brushing teeth?

Because a dysregulated brain chooses avoidance over cooperation—every time. When your child’s nervous system is overloaded, they lose working memory, impulse control, and the ability to start tasks. Even brushing teeth or putting on socks can feel like too much, even for our own children.

This isn’t disrespect or control—it’s overwhelm. When parents shift from correcting behavior to encouraging kids through regulation, everything changes.

Key takeaways:

1. Behavior is communication, not defiance
2. A “no” often means “I can’t do this right now”
3. Skills don’t disappear—access to them does
4. Child’s cooperation grows when adults regulate first and stay on the same team

Real-Life Example

A mom I worked with felt like brushing teeth was a daily fight. Once she learned to regulate, connect, and then direct, the battles dropped—without teaching new skills. Her child finally accessed what he already knew.

How do I stop power struggles before they start?

Cooperation is a state, not a skill. You can’t demand it—you create it through co-regulation by calming the brain first.

The 3-step Regulation First approach:

1. Regulate first: deep pressure, a hug, walking together, slowing your voice
2. Connect before you direct: get close, not loud; calm presence matters
3. Give brain-friendly directions: short, concrete, one step

Instead of: “Get ready—we’re late!”

Try: “Shoes on.”

Connection flips the brain from threat to safety.

🗣️ “Kids don’t resist doing the thing—they resist the internal overwhelm caused by the thing.” — Dr. Roseann

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

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