329: “I Swore I’d Stay Calm… Then I Lost It”

I promised myself I wouldn’t yell… and then I did. If you’ve ever felt that gut-punch after losing it with your child—again—you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.

As a mom and therapist, I know how exhausting it is to parent a child who’s constantly melting down or talking back. But here’s the good news: you can learn to respond, not react—and it starts with calming your own brain first.

In this episode, I open up about what really drives those parenting blow-ups and how to calm your own nervous system first—so you can show up for your child with more calm, compassion, and confidence.

Why do I lose it when I swore I wouldn’t?

Even when we know better, sometimes our nervous system doesn’t. Our stress response kicks in, hijacks our rational brain, and suddenly we’re reacting—not responding.

That’s what happened to me on a day that started with a broken air conditioner and ended with a wrong pizza order. What set me off wasn’t the pizza—it was my empty stomach, my frayed nerves, and the fact that I didn’t take time to regulate.

We all have triggers. Sometimes it’s noise, sometimes it’s feeling disrespected, or simply being worn too thin. When we’re running on empty, the little things feel huge.

What can I do instead of yelling?

I get this question all the time. The truth is, it starts with calming your nervous system. That means:

• Taking a pause, even just to breathe.
• Saying out loud, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a minute to calm myself.”
• Reminding yourself, “This isn’t misbehavior—it’s dysregulation.”

I often say to myself, “My calm is their calm.” When my kids are dysregulated, it’s not my job to match their energy. It’s my job to bring the calm. That’s not easy—but it is possible with practice.

​​Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?

Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.

Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.

How do I stop the reactivity cycle in parenting?

It comes down to awareness. I’ve learned to notice the signs that I’m headed toward a meltdown: clenched teeth, shallow breathing, skipping meals. That’s when I know it’s time to step back.

Some of the best ways I regulate include:

• Movement: Even just a few squats or stretching.
• Hot/cold therapy: I use a heated neck wrap—my kids tease me, but it works!
• Quick phrases that interrupt the cycle, like: “I will not lose my stuff.”

It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress—and learning to hit the pause button before things escalate.

What should I do after I’ve already blown up?

• Reflect with self-compassion: Ask, “Was I hungry? Tired? Triggered? Overwhelmed?”
• Model accountability: Say, “I’m sorry I lost my temper. That’s on me.”
• Focus on emotional repair:
• “We’re both losing it—what can we do to stop this?”
• “I love you. You’re safe. I’m learning, just like you.”

Even toddlers understand phrases like “My brain feels hot.” Kids learn emotional regulation skills when we model repair and reflection.

How do I rebuild trust and connection with my dysregulated child?

• Apologize with empathy: It shows your child that it’s okay to make mistakes and come back to love.
• Don’t normalize constant conflict: Show your child that healthy relationships have ups and...