Bathing in Banana Pudding: An Obese Middle-Ager’s Guide to Gluttony
A Short Humor Essay
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Bathing in Banana Pudding: An Obese Middle-Ager’s Guide to Gluttony
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Narrado por:
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Virtual Voice
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De:
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A.J. Craft
Este título utiliza narración de voz virtual
An excerpt:
As someone who regularly dumps all food groups into the same bowl usually containing a goulash of store-bought breaded chicken nuggets, microwavable sweet peas, alfredo sauce from aisle eleven, Dollar General cream cheese, butter and fried onions, I am probably the last person you want to ask about fine dining. At least by all good society’s standards (It’s kinda good, actually.)
It’s no secret that I’m a middle-aged, divorced, obese pale woman hanging on to her mental faculties by their last strand with still no idea what I want to do with my life aside from traveling the country in an RV, writing about random, weird things that other middle-age women do with their time and packaging it up in books under the guise of a pen name so I can unleash my snarky, judgmental side and call it fiction.
But I’m also a glutton.
Not something I’m happy to face or admit, but there it is. I have a black belt in blackberry pie. I’m a subject matter expert in eggplant parmesan, and I’m here to commiserate with you about the fight to regain your pre-thirties waistline and resemble something more of a human instead of a kumquat.
It’s alright, I can admit it.
----If you're sick of yourself and sick of obsessing over every little flaw, you may find this short humor essay relatable. After years of overthinking myself into paralysis, I've decided to unload these heavy but humorous thoughts out into the world (careful not to get any on you).
You may just find that if you resonate with any of my stories, then this could be just the thing to make you feel better about yourself and your life. (I'm happy to be your dancing monkey.)
However, if this makes you feel worse, then pull out a spoon from the silverware drawer, pull up a chair and join me in ripping through the ass-end of a party bowl of banana pudding. Together, we can drown our misery and celebrate hardening our arteries one spoonful of pudding at a time!
Bon Appetit!