Assume the Worst

The Graduation Speech You'll Never Hear

By: Carl Hiaasen

Narrated by: Carl Hiaasen

This is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go--the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it.

"This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning."
So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: Nobody.
And who better to illustrate--and with those illustrations, expand upon and cement Hiaasen's cynical point of view--than Roz Chast, best-selling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner? The answer again is easy: Nobody.
Following the format of Anna Quindlen's commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders's commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), the collaboration of Hiaasen and Chast might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but.
This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

Critic reviews

“Pointed and humorous; a good gift for the neighbor's kid's graduation.”
—Kirkus Reviews

"You will be tempted to carry it around forever in your back pocket as a quick reference guide for life. Think of this book as the pocket edition of the Dead Sea Scrolls.”
—Denver Post

"A book that everyone who’s changing course must read."
—The Florida Times-Union

"Young people graduating from high school or college this year can count themselves lucky if someone gives them this book as a gift."
—Tampa Bay Times

My mother said the same thing.

Great advice from Carl Hiassen channeling my mother. Must be some cosmic connection going on here across the space-time continuum. After all, she named me Carl too.

funny and insightful

loved it and agreed. the world is a rough place and your responsible for your place in it.

Fabulous Haase!

I've loved everything he's done. It sounds like he's reading from someone else's book but he has an enjoyable voice.

Practical advice I wish I had heard sooner

This is the perfect graduation speech. It’s loaded with good advice about your expectations for your future. See the world as it is, not with expectations of a grand future with little effort on your part. I’m an optimist and had high expectations for my future. I have had a good life, but it sure did take more stress and strain than I thought it would. A short listen packed with wisdom.

just sad that this was so short

I loved the point and would love to get my teenage son to listen. I hated that it was so short. I didn't know it was that short when I ordered and would not have used one of my credits for it. but the message was perfectly what I think about life.