Alice I Have Been

A Novel

By: Melanie Benjamin

Narrated by: Samantha Eggar

Few works of literature are as universally beloved as Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Now, in this spellbinding historical novel, we meet the young girl whose bright spirit sent her on an unforgettable trip down the rabbit hole–and the grown woman whose story is no less enthralling.


But oh my dear, I am tired of being Alice in Wonderland. Does it sound ungrateful?

Alice Liddell Hargreaves’s life has been a richly woven tapestry: As a young woman, wife, mother, and widow, she’s experienced intense passion, great privilege, and greater tragedy. But as she nears her eighty-first birthday, she knows that, to the world around her, she is and will always be only “Alice.” Her life was permanently dog-eared at one fateful moment in her tenth year–the golden summer day she urged a grown-up friend to write down one of his fanciful stories.

That story, a wild tale of rabbits, queens, and a precocious young child, becomes a sensation the world over. Its author, a shy, stuttering Oxford professor, does more than immortalize Alice–he changes her life forever. But even he cannot stop time, as much as he might like to. And as Alice’s childhood slips away, a peacetime of glittering balls and royal romances gives way to the urgent tide of war.

For Alice, the stakes could not be higher, for she is the mother of three grown sons, soldiers all. Yet even as she stands to lose everything she treasures, one part of her will always be the determined, undaunted Alice of the story, who discovered that life beyond the rabbit hole was an astonishing journey.

A love story and a literary mystery, Alice I Have Been brilliantly blends fact and fiction to capture the passionate spirit of a woman who was truly worthy of her fictional alter ego, in a world as captivating as the Wonderland only she could inspire.©2010 Melanie Benjamin; (P)2010 Random House

Critic reviews

"Benjamin offers a finely wrought portrait of Alice that seamlessly blends fact with fiction. This is book club gold."—Publishers Weekly, starred reveiw

Great Premise, So-So Result

How convenient that I finished this novel just as Tim Burton's new version of Alice in Wonderland is sweeping the country! The narrator is Alice Liddell Hargreaves, once the little girl for whom Lewis Carroll/Charles Dodson wrote the famous tale. It begins and ends with Alice, age 80, wrapping up a tour of America and relates the details of her relationship with Dodson. Was it an innocent friendship, an impossible love affair, or something more sinister? Alice keeps us guessing up until the end, dropping tantalizing tidbits along the way that, I confess, sometimes made me cringe a bit. The repeated motif is "that day on the train"--a day that Alice claims to have little recollection of but which resulted in the Liddells cutting off all contact with Mr. Dodson.

Even more fascinating than her relationship with Mr. Dodson are those with her mother and her older sister Ina--but I won't give anything away here for those who might want to read about it for themselves. The remainder of Alice's life is a fairly typical Victorian portrait of a woman who marries a nice man who is not the first or even second love of her life but rather her ticket out of an unpleasant home life and a spinster's future. Years later, like so many women of her era, she has to face the trauma of watching her sons going off to the battlefields of World War I.

My overall reaction to the book is mixed. At times, I was captivated, but at other times, the novel seemed rather a dull and conventional, like something I must have read many times before. Worth reading, in other words, but not exceptional.

I wasn’t sure about this book in the beginning!

I tried reading this originally and stopped because it didn’t hold my interest. Somehow I ended up ordering it on audible too. So I decided to give it another try and I am glad I did. The book is slow in the beginning and gets better further in.

Wonderful in Wonderland

Very insightful and beautifully written novel about the real Alice and Lewis Carroll. This book will have you rushing to google to read the history and check out the famous photo's Carroll took of Alice Liddal and her sisters so many years ago. Story is very well told and the narrator does a first rate job. You won't be disappointed.

Extremely well written

What made the experience of listening to Alice I Have Been the most enjoyable?

Melanie Benjamin is a superb writer. She not only creates a spellbinding story about Alice Liddell, she presents a poignant and compelling view of Victorian Oxford and the impact and losses suffered with WWI.

Who was your favorite character and why?

Alice Liddell.

Any additional comments?

A wonderful book not only because of the tie to Lewis Carroll's books but Ms. Benjamin kept me interested though out Alice Liddell's life.

One of my favorites!

I bought the printed copy of this book back in 2010 and cried like a baby at the end. Not sure why. Alice's life was tragic in my mind and left a sorrow in my heart. A life well lived, for sure, but I wanted so much more for her. It remains one of my favorite books.