A Short History of Halloween

By: Sally Lee

Narrated by: anonymous

Length: 3 mins

Publisher's summary

Young listeners learn about the early traditions which have led to our present-day celebration of Halloween.

©2015 Sally Lee (P)2017 Capstone Publishers, Inc.

Halloween, the time to wear your favorite costume.

Halloween... the time to wear your favorite costume...
adults, bored of the modern corporate world, would dress up as superheroes and villains or other kinds of ghouls and monsters, because as you certainly know, adults watch too much tv and can't distinguish fiction from reality. The children accepted this new found child-like behavior, but since the adults are so desperate to fit into the bizarre world of the childhood imagination, and the children know they are loaded with cash, demand a payment of candy and Trix. Trix, by the way, is a beloved cereal brand loved by many for basically being candy that is allowed to be eaten in the morning by parents instead of a real breakfast. That was how Halloween was made, in the year 1982 when the first witch landed on the moon with a rocket propelled broomstick.

It is considered to be polite to throw toilet paper and eggs at houses that do not give candy, it is merely a public service. Anyways, skeletons aren't real, but vampires and werewolves definitely are and they love mint and chocolate respectively. Also pumpkins have faces on them when you grow them, and the inside of them is on fire because they are part dragon, obviously. Spiders and witches and stuff like that is popular at Halloween for some reason, even though witches exist at every time of the years, just like spiders. Candy however can only be purchased in small amounts except on Halloween: there isn't that much of it so people will be mad if you buy too much because that means there won't be enough for everyone.

Also all of the candy collected in Halloween can be turned into cash if you drop it into my letterbox. Yes, the one at my house. Go on, do it, I like candy, and I don't want to walk everywhere. I'm being completely honest I swear.

So why do we celebrate Halloween exactly? Well, I can't tell you why using facts since I don't really know, but I can tell you with my ImAgInAtIoN. So when the first pilgrims landed on America because they didn't have the big boss telling them what to do no more, the natives drove up to them in their CRV's and their Honda's and took them to Walmart to buy some clothes to look "normal". The pilgrims, with no sense of style, accidently chose really weird outfits that made them look like Halloween characters and stuff, instead of the hip and cool wolf pelt or stylish bead necklace, yo. Also, the English newcomers brought all their divine curses like vampirism and werewolfism and their occult magic like witchcraft too, so people thought they were kind of weird like the Addams family.

So they though, "let's just make them their own holiday so they can get it all out there, so maybe they'll act normal the rest of the year". Then they made Halloween. Most people don't write things down, so everyone forgot that happened and there's no record of it. But that happened a long time ago, and we had to write history books about something, so somebody just thought to make it about these bizarre things called "traditions" and "ancient practices" and other nonsensical things that are completely unrelated to the hip and groovy shtick that is Halloween. Oh yeah, and there's ghosts. Don't forget them, ghosts. Yeah, ghosts, with a silent h. Write that one down too.

Okay so that's it I think. Yeah. Halloween is pretty great. And it's Halloween season so, um, yeah. Bye.

History of Halloween????

Really? there is so much more to the history of Halloween than this portrays.