A Christmas Boner

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is one of our most beloved and well-known stories. This is mostly because it’s in the public domain, so you can remake it with Muppets or cartoon characters or a hollow-eyed motion capture Jim Carrey without paying anyone a dime. This latest adaptation puts a new twist on the classic holiday tale of redemption and generosity: Scrooge has a boner throughout the entire story. Pretty much everything else in the book is left untouched, except that Scrooge is constantly adjusting himself to try and conceal his erection, which never really works since everyone can totally tell what he’s trying to do. A Christmas Boner is firmly (ha!) in the spirit of other classic novel reimaginings such as “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and “Huckleberry Finn Robotic Edition” where you immediately get the premise and don’t actually need to read the whole thing. However, if you are a sixteen year old boy and are forced to read it for a book report, you may find it more fun to read the version that has the word ‘boner’ in it nearly four hundred times. In fact, you might just say that A Christmas Boner really puts the ‘dick’ in Dickens! (Do not say this.)