• 256: Understanding Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams

  • Apr 1 2021
  • Length: 54 mins
  • Podcast
  • 5.0 out of 5 stars (1 rating)
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256: Understanding Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams

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  • Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close?   “Enmeshment” is a term that’s been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn’t even know this about themselves!   My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you’ve created.   Listen to discover: What enmeshment meansHow it forms in childhoodThe effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partnerHow to change the family systemWhy getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent’s well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they’ve created.   The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It’s possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you’re meant to be — including a great son or daughter.   “The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets globbed onto by the lonely parent.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “Emancipation is not a negotiation.” - Dr. Ken Adams   “The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don’t know who we are without that mask.” - Michelle Chalfant   “It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it’s with their mother or their father.” - Michelle   Resources   Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/   Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA   “When He’s Married to Mom” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/   “Silently Seduced” (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/   The Adult Chair Membership - April “I Believe” Month https://theadultchair.com/membership/   P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart   More Adult Chair   The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com    The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/   The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/   The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/   TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/   Stay Connected   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/   The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant   ***   EPISODE CREDITS:   If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.   He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.   Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com  
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Profile Image for Gisela J Gomes-Balcazar

Truly Brilliant!

I first heard the term enmeshment in my Marriage and Family Therapy course as a graduate student earning my masters degree in mental health counseling. At the time, I lacked the awareness to realize that I myself was enmeshed with my mother, and was in a relationship with a man who was also enmeshed. Years passed, and guilt, anxiety, and acting-out plagued my life and my relationship. I went on to have children with my now husband, and had a lightbulb moment one particularly difficult evening where I remembered the term—ENMESHMENT! That is what’s going on here!!! Enmeshment is one of the most important and liberating topics anyone could discuss, and Dr. Adams is so brilliant at laying out exactly what enmeshment is and how it affects people. I also highly recommend the Emotional Incest Syndrome by Dr. Patricia Love for those who think they may be enmeshed or know of someone who is. True liberation and freedom lie at the other end of this journey of self-discovery. Congratulations to all who come across this podcast, as it will surely help you and those around you.

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