Have you ever left a meeting furious at yourself for going along with something you knew was wrong? Or watched a talented colleague completely fold in front of a powerful leader?

That's not a character flaw. That's fawning — and it might be the least understood dynamic in communication.

Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist, trauma expert, and author of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves, and How to Find Our Way Back.

I am closing Season 6 of my podcast with this conversation, and let me tell you ... we get INTO IT!

🧠 What fawning actually is — and why calling it "people-pleasing" has kept millions of people stuck in shame instead of healing

⚡ Why high achievers are especially vulnerable — and how fawning can look exactly like success until it doesn't

🏢 What's really happening in your meetings — when brilliant people go silent, fold, or suddenly can't stop praising the boss

💪 The path out — practical, embodied tools for building an internal sense of safety that doesn't depend on the room agreeing with you

🔥 What "un-fawning" actually feels like — and why it's less about setting boundaries and more about finally coming home to yourself

Find Dr. Ingrid Clayton:

🌐 ingridclayton.com

📸 instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd

📘 facebook.com/IngridClaytonPhD

▶️ youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g

✉️ substack.com/@ingridclaytonphd

This week I sat down with three high school seniors — including my daughter — who are co-chairing a major fashion show fundraiser at their school. My goal was to understand how they were thinking about/embodying leadership.

I expected them to show up enthusiastically and willing to share their thoughts and ideas.

What I didn’t expect was a masterclass in leadership.

When I asked them what makes a great leader, they didn’t say confidence. They didn’t say authority. They didn’t say being the smartest person in the room.

They said:

• listening well

• letting others shine

• admitting when you don’t know

• working collaboratively

• choosing courage even when you’re afraid

How many of us struggle as GROWN UPS to lead this way!?

They also talked about stress and how leadership means learning to manage pressure without losing empathy.

I mean … can I get an AMEN!?

If this is how the next generation thinks about leadership, the future may be more emotionally intelligent, collaborative, and human than anything we’ve seen before.

Honestly it gave me hope, and in case you need a shot of hope this week, give this a listen.

This event supports tuition assistance and is an exceptionally great time. I’ll be there in full glam. ;)

Presentation High School Fashion Show 📅 April 18 🔗https://www.presentationhs.org/support/life-in-plaid

The event is supported by a group of local retailers and partners:

• Jennifer Kroll

• Remi B

• Cabi

• Macy’s

• Kismet

• Bella James

• Winchester Western Ware

• Cactus Lounge

• Virgo Santa Cruz

(Grateful to see businesses investing in young leaders and their community.)

Wowza. Today you are in for a treat.

I’m joined by Annie Wright, LMFT—Annie is a licensed psychotherapist, trauma recovery specialist, executive coach, and author. Annie is also a successfully exited CEO of a multi-million dollar company and she now helps ambitious humans heal relational trauma so they can build lives that feel good on the inside, not just look good on paper. Annie is on Substack at Strong and Stable with a debut book on the way. She’s been quoted everywhere from Forbes to NBC to NPR.

I wanted to have Annie on the show to talk about what it actually takes for high-achieving women to feel good on the inside, and not just look successful on paper and this conversation definitely did not disappoint!

This episode is for the woman who:

• Is highly capable, deeply trusted, and visibly successful

• Has done everything right in the career playbook

• And still feels chronically anxious, exhausted, or empty

We talk about why that happens—and what actually helps.

✨ The “high-functioning woman” profile Why so many ambitious women learned early that achievement = safety, validation, or love—and how that wiring eventually breaks down.

🧠 Little-t vs. Big-T trauma (and why “nothing bad happened to me” is often the tell) Annie breaks down relational and developmental trauma in a way that is deeply clarifying—and deeply relieving.

🏗️ The “House of Life” metaphor Why cracks in the foundation don’t always show up early… but will show up once the house gets taller (hello promotions, leadership, parenting, visibility).

🔥 Fear-fuel and fossil fuels Why running on anxiety and over-functioning works—until it poisons everything.

🫁 Nervous system tools you can use in real life Including Annie’s powerful 90-Second Wave for high-stakes meetings and hard conversations.

🧭 The Values Anchor Statement How to ground yourself in integrity, bravery, or truth when being liked is at odds with being honest.

💬 The myth that healing will make you lose your edge (And why the most powerful leaders we know are actually surrounded by support.)

All of these are included in her workbook here.

• The 90-Second Wave – a nervous-system regulation tool for moments of acute stress

• Values Anchor Statements – using your core values as leverage during hard conversations

• Judith Herman’s Three-Phase Trauma Recovery Model

  1. Safety & Stabilization

  2. Processing

  3. Meaning-Making & Integration

• EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

• The idea that “trauma survivors have symptoms, not memories”

• The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk

• Annie’s upcoming book: Decade of Decisions (W.W. Norton, forthcoming 2027)

“A regulated nervous system makes more things possible—without a doubt.”