- helpful votes
- By: Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
- Narrated by: Dick Fredricks
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
Christians often focus so much on being loving and giving that they forget their own limitations.
Changed my life
- By Louise on 03-05-05
If there is anyone that has ever struggled with any type of relationship, whether it be marital, friendship, business, parent-child, child-parent, siblings, then you need to read this book!
This book will help you to discover the basics of how to handle virtually any situation or person that causes discomfort, pain, or problems. Without boundaries you will surely have problems in all of your relationships. Quite honestly I was shocked as to the knowledge that is disclosed here and how helpful it is as a first step toward overall emotional health and truly meaningful relationships.
note: ALL pastors, lay leaders, ministry, as well as anyone else that cares about people should read this book!!!
note 2: don't let the negative comments about the narration scare you away from this book. I found the narration to be more than adequate and provides a meaningful way of experiencing the this book. while I might understand how some people could find the different voices used annoying at first, it becomes clear later on why he uses the voices that he does and it's quite nicely done actually!
Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
- By: Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend
- Narrated by: Dick Fredricks
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
The wounds inflicted by an "unsafe" person can go deep. If you've ever been in a relationship where you were used, abused, or abandoned, then Safe People is for you. It will help you make wise choices in relationships from friendships to romance. You'll discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships. And you'll learn how to avoid repeating your own mistakes and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep.
Excellent analysis of Safe and Unsafe People
- By Weedarkone on 06-14-12
Bad News First. Good News last.
The bad news:
1. Book is outdated. Wish I would have realized I was buying a dinosaur. Unfortunately I forgot to check the publishing date. The fact that the field of psychology has grown immensly since this book was written makes this book feel OLD SCHOOL by today's standards.
2. Authors lean toward victim blaming. I find their lack of compassion toward those that have been abused appalling. They literally list ABUSE as something that you need to simply GET PAST as if trauma has nothing to do with your inability to do so. This approach is shallow. At times during the book they say the best way to resolve conflicts is to facilitate change in others by changing yourself without discussing the danger of doing this with a cluster B personality disordered person. It's as if they would say a rape victim is at fault if they have lingering issues and if they would change themself then they can change the rapist. Sorry, but this ideology is ridiculous regardless of when it was written.
3. At times they compare your ability to resolve relationship conflicts with the ability of Jesus - as if they should be the same. I found myself getting angry as they needlessly pointed out that I am not God. (which I already knew as I am born again) They say to "do what Jesus did " without even discussing the difficultities or presenting HOW TO'S presented as real solutions. Telling me to be like God reminds me of the wwjd movement. How helpful is it when you are already trying and failing. If that is all you needed to know, then you would not be reading this book.
4. They lack ability to identify with people that would actually need what this book promises - a new found ability to have people in your life that care about you and that dont desire to hurt you. They promise they have the answers to helping you find SAFE PEOPLE when in fact they have no "real world" experience doing it at all. This became evident as they described their worst relational experience as having a college girlfrend cheating on them. While that is hurtful, it certainly would not erase all other important people from their life. Their personal lack of need for finding SAFE PEOPLE in the first place makes this book nothing more than a research project. For those of us that ARE or have been isolated, their attempt to relate through this "experiment" feels like a big slap in the face. Kind of like... "wow, that's the worst thing relationally you ever experienced?". It's like having someone who stubbed their toe telling a veteran that lost both his legs to "just get up and walk", afterall, they didn't let their stubbed toe stop them. Additionally, you should have never gone to war in the first place. Oh and dont forget Jesus told the patalytic to get up and walk..." Is this banter helpful or hurtful to the soldier? I say hurtful and a waste of time.
5. At times they make Jesus sound like a narcissist. Not sure if it was the writing or how it was read or both, but many times it contained mocking tones that bothered me. Also, the continuous lip smacking by the reader was irritating.
6. They discuss good news and bad news, but don't tell you what they are handing you until after. By then you are so confused that their point is easily lost. Re-reading the book several times will help clarify.
NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS:
1. The authors are Christians. Their desire to be helpful seems clear. At times they hit on issues in a clear manner and the idea of Christian psychologists with a PHD attempting to help others is potentally heart warming.
2. Their list of 20 things to look for in safe people is helpful. You will be encouraged that SAFE PEOPLE do exist and be given above average tips on how to find them. However, they themselves are wishy washy in their point that implementing the ideas of this book may or may not help. kind of like a disclaimer that leaves you feeling indifferent about their own confidence
3. Even better are the tips of what "not to do" when looking for SAFE PEOPLE. This seemed like good advice and could save you some time - perhaps years.
4. You will find that chatacters in the book are often humbled and can be fooled by non-safe people - even people with great status. This is helpful for not feeling so alone as a mistake maker. (just not the authors, as they seem to be ABOVE you and I)
5. The reader voice quality is above average. He makes it feel like a story. While I was ok with it, at times the fact that this subject was directed to be read in this manner dumbed down the overall clinical approach self help theme of the actual book.
If I sound cynical in THE GOOD news portion of my review, it is only to reflect how they express good news with blame shift. I hope you get the point.
If you want to be blamed for being alone and not having SAFE PEOPLE in your life more than you are taught how to find them, then you will love this book. If you can stomache their blame, the tips they present for finding and needing SAFE PEOPLE it could definitely still be worth the read. Just be sure you are solid in your entire recovery approach first. My concern is that anyone with a DEEP NEED to get connected will find themselves reeling in pain if they read this book. I know I felt great pain as I was essentially shamed for not doing enough and for having a need to begin with. If they were compassionate in their writing I would tell you, they simply are not. As a Christian, it greatly dissaponts me to see such lack of compassion in the writing when the book itself was likely born from God's desire to see his people connected.
13 of 13 people found this review helpful