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ArcaneBard

  • 42
  • reviews
  • 40
  • helpful votes
  • 133
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  • Zombie Park

  • By: Kent Hill
  • Narrated by: J. Scott Bennett
  • Length: 1 hr and 55 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    4.5 out of 5 stars 7
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars 7
  • Story
    4.5 out of 5 stars 7

Imagine being liquid enough to fool around with the building blocks of life just to create a park full of zombies to cash in on the general public's infatuation with the undead. Now imagine, as it often does, something going wrong with that concept and zombies ruining the world for everybody. Next, imagine dinosaurs returning to prominence in a Planet of the Apes-type scenario and evolving so they fill all the roles we humans did before the fall of the species. So our story begins. A group of dino-commandos are sent in to uncover the fate of their missing colleagues....

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • Zombie Park

  • By ZOE R on 11-27-18

Absurd, Crude, and Just Plain Silly!

Overall
4 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
3 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 11-28-18

I received this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

I recommend this book for anyone who appreciates gross-out, lowbrow humor. This is the audiobook equivalent to a Troma film, ultra violent/gross/raunchy. While the plot makes little sense, it was fast paced enough to keep my interest. Not for the easily offended and certainly not for children. It is possible to enjoy, but is best enjoyed with the brain turned off.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

  • Blackwater: The Complete Saga

  • By: Michael McDowell
  • Narrated by: Matt Godfrey
  • Length: 30 hrs and 9 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    4.5 out of 5 stars 2,987
  • Performance
    4.5 out of 5 stars 2,779
  • Story
    4.5 out of 5 stars 2,774

Blackwater is the saga of a small town, Perdido, Alabama, and Elinor Dammert, the stranger who arrives there under mysterious circumstances on Easter Sunday, 1919. On the surface, Elinor is gracious, charming, anxious to belong in Perdido, and eager to marry Oscar Caskey, the eldest son of Perdido's first family. But her beautiful exterior hides a shocking secret. Beneath the waters of the Perdido River, she turns into something terrifying, a creature whispered about in stories that have chilled the residents of Perdido for generations.

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • A 6 Star Worthy Epic!

  • By jksullycats on 10-29-17

Masterful, but Unsatisfying

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 11-14-18

I will start off by saying that this book is masterfully written. The characters, imagery, and prose are incredibly vivid. For these things alone I give it 5 stars. However, I found the overall story itself disappointing and unsatisfying. There was not enough payoff, not enough answers given. It may be that this was simply not to my taste. I will not be reading anything by this author again, as skilled as they are.

  • The Throne of Bones

  • By: Brian McNaughton
  • Narrated by: Wayne June
  • Length: 13 hrs and 59 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    4.5 out of 5 stars 55
  • Performance
    4.5 out of 5 stars 50
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars 50

This book won a World Fantasy Award. It's remarkable: The stories are rich, fascinating stuff - creepy and unsettling and phantasmic. Imagine what Tolkien's Lord of the Rings would have been like if Tolkien had tried to tell that story sympathetically from the point of view of the human denizens of Mordor and you'll have the slightest sense of what you're about to wade into... but only just a sense.

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • I had a visceral reaction to this book!

  • By Joseph on 06-05-15

A Masterpiece on the Subject of Ghouls

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 10-29-18

I enjoyed this book so much. As a fan of Lovecraft, Howard, and Clark Ashton Smith, I feel that The Throne of Bones is a most worthy addition to weird fiction and literary horror. Marvelous.

  • The Girl on the Balcony

  • By: Olivia Hussey, Alexander Martin, Franco Zeffirelli - foreword
  • Narrated by: Carol Monda
  • Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    4.5 out of 5 stars 28
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars 27
  • Story
    4.5 out of 5 stars 27

In this candid memoir, Olivia Hussey tells her story - from being an "It Girl" in swinging '60s London and her enduring friendship with Romeo & Juliet costar Leonard Whiting, through three tumultuous marriages - including one with Dean Martin's son, Dino - motherhood, stage-four breast cancer, debilitating agoraphobia, bankruptcy, and ultimately, a journey of self-discovery in India that led her on a path to fulfillment. Featuring a foreword by her star-making director Franco Zeffirelli, Olivia Hussey's memoir shines with her luminous spirit and perseverance.

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • A book worth reading

  • By Gary on 08-11-18

Dear Olivia

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 10-03-18

Dear Olivia, I love you. I accept you. I will remember you. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • The Strategy Collection

  • The Art of War, The Prince, and The Book of Five Rings
  • By: Sun Tzu, Niccolo Machiavelli, Miyamoto Musashi
  • Narrated by: Kevin Kollins
  • Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars 25
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars 24
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars 25

The Art of War, The Prince, and The Book of Five Rings are three historical pieces that deal with strategy. The Art of War is an ancient Chinese military treatise, and each chapter within the treatise is devoted to a distinct aspect of warfare and how that applies to military strategy and tactics. The Prince is a practical guide for ruling an empire. The Book of Five Rings is a Japanese text that has been regarded as a treatise on the strategy for winning.  

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • Like a Picasso, Van Gogh, & Rembrandt written down

  • By Ray Johnson on 06-26-18

An Adequately-performed Collection

Overall
4 out of 5 stars
Performance
4 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 08-20-18

These three books are old classics and have much to offer any listener.
The reader has good delivery. My only complaint is the quality of the recording. The volume feels inconsistent, like they used a bad microphone. Still, not bad.

I was given a free copy of this audiobook by the author/producer in exchange for an honest review.

  • Trickery of a Corpse

  • By: Kevin Millikin
  • Narrated by: Rick Gregory
  • Length: 2 hrs and 39 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    3.5 out of 5 stars 13
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars 13
  • Story
    3.5 out of 5 stars 13

Do you ever have the feeling that your life is going nowhere? Do you hate your job? Do you hate your life? Dayton Greene does. In fact, he lives his life in an unrelenting cycle of self-loathing, pity, and distaste. To make matters worse, he earns a living cleaning up after those who realized those very delusions, taking matters into their own hands. From homicide to suicide, heart attacks and hemorrhaging. Soon, Dayton will learn what it means to lose everything, when he comes up against a corpse who has more than one trick up his sleeve and resting in peace isn't one of them.

  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • Crime Scene Clean up crew meh

  • By Ray Johnson on 08-05-18

Overall, a Mediocre Story.

Overall
3 out of 5 stars
Performance
3 out of 5 stars
Story
3 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 07-30-18

There is nothing really terrible about this story, other than I kept waiting for it to end. The characters were two-dimensional and their motivations are never clear. Even the climax seemed pointless and unclever. All viceral shock, no real twist. The narrator was clear and steady, but even he seemed disinterested in the story he was telling.

I was given a free copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

  • Pixie Shoes

  • By: Rachel Ellyn
  • Narrated by: Ella Lynch
  • Length: 1 hr and 9 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars 1
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars 1
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars 1

Neesa was a klutz. She couldn't even do the simplest of tasks all pixies needed to learn to become...well, pixies. And in a land where accomplishing tasks were rewarded with beautiful gems for their shoes, Neesa had no hope of her plain shoes becoming adorned like the other pixies. Cordelia, Neesa’s teacher and mentor, didn’t know what to do. Until it came upon her that maybe, just maybe, Neesa was special. Very special. Even in the world of pixies, there are some who are misunderstood - until their true purpose is revealed. Can Cordelia help Neesa find her place even without jeweled shoes?

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • A Beautiful, Antique-style Fairy Tale

  • By ArcaneBard on 07-29-18

A Beautiful, Antique-style Fairy Tale

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 07-29-18

Exquisitely-crafted and performed, the Pixie Shoes audiobook is a delightful story of a newborn fairy's self-realization. The story itself feels as if it were written in the 19th century, all in a good way. Rachel Ellyn employs a pretty prose style combined with colorful characters while Ella Lynch masterfully narrates and performs the material. This is a perfect audiobook to play for your child before bedtime.

  • You're Toast

  • By: Rachel Ellyn
  • Narrated by: Stacy Gonzalez
  • Length: 30 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars 1
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars 1
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars 1

Little Slice has dreams of becoming a gourmet dish. Alas, he is just a simple bit of bread! He is also shy yet so desperately wants to be included in the Kitchen Crewe’s big adventures. Will this tiny underdog gain the courage to join in? 

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • 30 minutes of Delightful Food Puns

  • By ArcaneBard on 07-28-18

30 minutes of Delightful Food Puns

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 07-28-18

The clever comedy is steady and strong throughout this neat little tale. Rachel Ellyn spins a playful yarn about food-based characters, each with fitting personalities. Stacy Gonzalez proves herself to be a versatile talent in audio narration.

  • The Weird Company

  • The Secret History of H. P. Lovecraft’s Twentieth Century
  • By: Peter Rawlik
  • Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
  • Length: 11 hrs and 59 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    4.5 out of 5 stars 106
  • Performance
    4.5 out of 5 stars 97
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars 97

Shoggoths attack in this adrenaline-pumping novel set in the world of H. P. Lovecraft, where the horrors of the cosmos know no limits… It was in a way humanoid, as it stood on two legs and possessed two arms that ended in delicate digits that I would dare to call hands. Its skin was a pale blue, like the eggs of a robin, and curiously dry looking. The head was massive with a huge bulbous cranium, a large lipless mouth, and three blood red eyes that stared out at the world with nothing but hate.

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • Great book. PHENOMENAL NARRATOR.

  • By Justin on 12-03-14

This Book = Fun!

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 06-29-18

This is not so much a cosmic horror novel as it is a sci-fi action adventure. I found it thoroughly entertaining. Rawlik explains the Mythos in a creative way by bringing together familiar characters for a unifying purpose. I enjoyed "Reanimators" more, as it aligned closer to HPL's traditional style, but The Weird Company was still a treat to listen to.

  • Reanimators

  • By: Pete Rawlik
  • Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
  • Length: 11 hrs and 18 mins
  • Unabridged
  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars 108
  • Performance
    4.5 out of 5 stars 103
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars 101

Two men, a bitter rivalry, and a quarter-century of unspeakable horrors. Herbert West’s crimes against nature are well-known to those familiar with the darkest secrets of science and resurrection. Obsessed with finding a cure for mankind’s oldest malady, death itself, he has experimented upon the living and dead, leaving behind a trail of monsters, mayhem, and madness. But the story of his greatest rival has never been told until now.

  • 5 out of 5 stars
  • LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT

  • By GI Joe with Kung-Fu Grip on 03-27-15

The Dark Prince of Providence Would Be Proud

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 06-13-18

Dr. Stuart Hartwell, the primary protagonist is similar to the character Forest Gump, in that he establishes a connection to a wide range of familiar people and places (in this case the famous characters and locales of HPL's Mythos). What Pete Rawlik has done is pure genius. He not only connects the various stories we all know and love in a smart way, but he expands the Mythos with cleverness and imagination. He does not just USE the past stories to tell a new one, but adds too them without cheapening them.
I very much enjoyed this book and recommend it. The prose is perfect. The narrator's performance is one point. I look forward to listening to The Weird Company now.