Pirate Funny

In a world where your child is brimming with excitement about tomorrow's adventures, winding down at the end of the day can pose a unique challenge. This collection of bedtime stories and guided audio meditations is designed to help children of all ages unwind deeply and prepare for a restful sleep.

FIRST PRIZE: Reader’s Choice: Best SciFi Time Travel Trilogy - 2023 SECOND PRIZE: Firebird Awards: Time Travel Novels - 2024 On the brink of suicide, an insecure grad school drop out lets himself get abducted by kooky time traveling Venusians on a mission to prevent Armageddon by rescuing Jesus H Christ and helping him find the legendary emerald tablets, but when he’s cheated by his sources and abandoned by his allies, he must overcome his uncertainties to out-maneuver his rival plotters and the Romans before somebody gets crucified. READER REVIEWS: 5.0 out of 5 stars Couldn't put it ...

Earth: a space pirate's dream when it comes to booty but not a good place to hide when bounty hunters come looking. Pulling up stakes means Rafe must leave his vintage trailer behind, but in the process he acquires a passenger, a mouthy female who seems to think she's calling the shots. She'll soon learn who's the captain. And it isn't Annabelle, his sassy ship.

Nothing breaks the ice like a frozen wife and whiskey. In the murderously hot kingdom of Lithowania—an island so deliberately missing from maps that explorers go to "great pains" to exclude it—Captain Slavic Kristofferson arrives with the ultimate diplomatic strategy: a massive ice sculpture of his wife's face. Where previous negotiators earned only spears in their hulls, Kristofferson's whiskey-on-ice and innovative snow machine soon have the natives building temples to frozen Hilda. After all, when you've spent your entire existence melting, the sudden discovery of "cold" becomes ...

When Lady Priscilla Worthington's supposedly dead mother appears on a notorious pirate ship, her already complicated life with the flamboyant Captain Rogelio "The Randy Raven" Velmontaine takes a turn for the bizarre. Pursued by her aristocratic father, a Duke she was meant to marry, and an octopus with inexplicable romantic intentions, Priscilla must navigate family revelations that shake the very foundation of her identity. A magical treasure map tattooed on her mother's posterior leads the unlikely crew on a swashbuckling adventure through vine-swinging acrobatics, poetry-loving monkey ...

Husband-and-wife treasure-hunting team Sam and Remi Fargo have gone on impossible missions before and faced many perils, but never have they faced an adversary as determined as the one before them now. The battle will take them halfway around the world and at its end will be either one of the most glorious finds in history - or certain death.

Girls, guys, robots, teleportation; spaceships, space battles, space pirates plus a deeper understanding of Tarzan's thought process when he first met another human being – it’s all mashed-up, along with just the right amount of humor and wit, and served with a liberal amount of alcohol throughout the Small Universe series. Teleport This is a fast-paced, science fiction adventure without the extra heavy baggage found in hardcore space operas or the ultra-wackiness found in satirical sci-fi novels. The story starts off in a contemporary Earth setting, add in a couple guys and a girl, ...

A prim lady. A scandalous pirate. A high-seas seduction that could sink them both. Lady Priscilla Worthington has spent her life buttoned up—poised, polished, and promised to a man she can’t stand. But when her carriage is hijacked and she’s taken aboard the infamous Crimson Corsair, she finds herself in the clutches of Captain Rogelio Velmontaine—a rogue with a wicked grin, a silver tongue, and absolutely no sense of decency. Storm-tossed and scandal-bound, Priscilla is drawn into a world of rum-soaked revelry, moonlit danger, and pleasures she never dared imagine. But as desire ...

Books 4-6 in the bestselling Nick Caine adventures series of treasure-hunting thrillers, including: CURSE OF THE DRUIDS (Book 4) Long ago, before the myth of Merlin the Magician took root in the annals of time, a sacred amulet was said to bridge the mystical chasm between mankind and a race of gods and goddesses. According to legend, the Ambrosius Amulet lays hidden amid the ruins of the lesser known Bluehenge. As luck would have it, a map leading to this sacred amulet has fallen into the hands of Nick Caine. Belonging to Marie Da Vinci, her deceased father entrusted the map to her shortly ...

A DARING ADVENTURE. A DANGEROUS CREW. A BOY WHO REFUSES TO GIVE UP. Twelve-year-old Elliott loves spending summer nights on his father’s fishing boat—until the night pirates steal it, not realizing he’s on board. Trapped at sea with a ruthless crew, he must use courage, quick thinking, and his faith in God to survive. When he overhears their plans to raid a defenseless town, Elliott knows he has to stop them. But what can one boy do against a ship full of pirates? As he works to sabotage their schemes, he also discovers that their hardened captain, Rigg, carries a burden of his own. ...

In Paris, a ruthless descendant of Napoleon has risen to power, hell-bent on restoring France's former glory. His fiery ambitions are cynically stoked by a coterie of cold-blooded Mandarins, plotting behind the gates of Beijing's Forbidden City. Cloaked in secrecy, this unholy alliance devises a twisted global plan, backed by China's growing nuclear arsenal, that will send America and the world to the brink of a gut-wrenching showdown.

Crutch is working with King Vargus in the king's council but trouble is brewing in the territories and an army of half-deads threatens to overwhelm and destroy everything the Ironborn have built and fought for. King of the pirates, William Wyld, makes his return to Crutch's life in the most devastating way. Can Crutch and the Ironborn defend against the army of half-deads or will Ironbay be overrun by an enemy that can't be killed? Will William Wyld have his revenge on Crutch and Cedric for taking back the Auld Faithful and crippling his one good leg? More fast paced adventure and surprises...

In Soul to Soul, Jon, Simon and Lyn continue to trip and stumble across the universe in search of the ultimate margarita and a possible date for their friend Gilbert. As usual, they become tangled up with the universal forces of confusion, female androids are added into the mix, abstract consciousness is discovered in soup bowl, late night cable movies are discussed, insane theories win out and, as always, an ample amount of alcohol is consumed along the way. All this for your reading entertainment. This novel supports Amazon’s ‘look inside’ feature so if you like witty dialogue and ...

The infinite void of space is, statistically, a lonely place. Meaningful connections can be hard to make whether you’re a revered advanced ascendent of mankind, or one pigeon of hundreds in a dovecot. Kelly spends his days consuming media and almost dying in work-related incidents. He knows there is someone out there who has watched the latest episode of Med Bay, he just hasn’t found them yet. Merit, a bioengineered soldier, is trying to fit in. Far from home, he’s carefully created a new persona to prove to himself there’s more to life than identifying and neutralizing potential ...

The happy, tranquil, traditional way of life on the remote, little Scottish island of Skran far out in the Firth of Clyde is threatened with unwanted upheaval along with an environmental disaster by big business. Can Bonnie and Clive Sutherland help prevent it or will money speak. Drams, Jams and Scams follows on from where our previous book Daydream Believers left off. Drams are the moonshine peatreek that is illicitly distilled on the island, that they are continually being offered. The jams are what they get into when they encounter tight spots; including ghosts, a mysterious station ...

Hunting for pirate treasure has never been more romantic. Or funny. Chase Regard is captain of the nearly-historically-accurate pirate ship Cupid’s Revenge, a pirate-themed restaurant and dinner show, and the mountain of debt that came with both. But Chase has an ace up his sleeve: his ancestor left a heap of treasure somewhere on the coast near Ashville, Oregon. All Chase needs to find it is the help of Dr. Jenna Mackenzie, the director of the Ashville Museum. Red-headed Jenna is a fiery, and only occasionally forgetful, academic who loves her quirky small town. But the lure of treasure...

When super-famous actor Jolly Roger comes to make a movie on Crossbones Island, Pirate Blunderbeard is determined to get the main part. He just has to convince Jolly that his pet chicken, Boris, is a parrot (oh dear), act alongside an evil Giant DeathClaw Lobster (eek!) and beat his crafty brother Blackbeard to the lead role.... What could possibly go wrong? Pirate Blunderbeard might be in the worst movie ever, but it’s also the funniest.

They're back! Rediscover the zaniest characters you've ever met in this best-selling series which has sold millions worldwide. Bright and charming, with easily recognizable characters, Mr. Men audiobooks are easy enough for young listeners, witty enough for humor-prone adults, and highly collectible for one and all.

This rare treat for kids and grown-ups alike begins on a mid-winter´s night in the Alps when Gogonuts the Gnome struggles to bring a chest of the Great Magic Ingredient to his friend, Frankie the Baker. Hoping to make themselves rich and famous, they soon plan to travel to the tropical island in the Great Ocean where Gogonuts discovered the ingredient. This magical island is made entirely of sweets, cakes and puddings. However, their plans are soon quashed when the evil King Large Portion arrives and takes control of the trip. This is an hilarious story with lots more lovable characters, ...

In Geppetto’s Daughter, family bonds are stretched, various appendages are cut off, castle walls are breached, warranties are voided, space battles occur, jokes are made about pianists and, of course, a liberal amount of alcohol is consumed throughout. All this for your reading pleasure. This novel supports Amazon’s ‘look inside’ feature so if you like witty dialogue and interesting characters coupled with an absorbing story line click on the cover image and read a bit. If you like it, buy it. If you really like it, buy three or four. Geppetto’s Daughter is the third book in the ...