Funny Classic

She feels like an eternal wallflower. His father kicked him to the curb. Can two lonely hearts pen their own classic love story? Violet Fuller yearns for her own happily ever after. Certain her town contains zero leading men, the Jane Austen-adoring librarian is devastated when a potential meet cute turns into a coffee shop fiasco. So when she discovers a notice accusing her of failing to pay for the library’s renovations, the people-pleasing young woman is primed for an argument… only to discover a handsome new man in charge. Max Cavanaugh has one foot out the door. Secretly helping to...

Lewis Carroll's surreal fantasy masterpiece—minus the part where you're not sure if any of this is supposed to make sense. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete, unabridged original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the absurdist wonder, zero Victorian torture. Alice is having the most boring afternoon of her life when she spots a talking white rabbit in a waistcoat sprinting past her, panicking about being late. Being a curious kid with...

Gothic romance at its most unhinged—now without the Victorian sentence structure from hell. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the moors, revenge, and toxic romance, zero Victorian torture. Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff are obsessed with each other in the most destructive way possible—think soulmates if soulmates were also each other's worst enemies. They grew up together on the ...

Bram Stoker's vampire masterpiece—minus the formal Victorian letters that read like legal documents. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete, unabridged original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the Gothic horror, zero epistolary Victorian torture. Jonathan Harker is a young lawyer who travels to Transylvania for what should be a simple real estate transaction with a mysterious count. Instead, he discovers his client is an ancient vampire...

INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLER A contemporary literary classic and "an accomplished psychological thriller ... absolutely chilling" (Village Voice), from the Pulitzer Prize–winning author of The Goldfinch. Under the influence of a charismatic classics professor, a group of clever, eccentric...

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “Extremely funny . . . inspired lunacy . . . [and] over much too soon.”—The Washington Post Book World Now celebrating the pivotal 42nd anniversary of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy! Nominated as one of America’s best-loved novels by PBS’s The...

Small town. Big dreams. Catastrophic marriages. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete, unabridged original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the provincial drama, zero Victorian philosophizing. Dorothea Brooke wants to change the world. She's smart, idealistic, and ready to dedicate her life to social reform—until she marries Reverend Casaubon, a dried-up old scholar whose life's work is a pointless encyclopedia called The Key to All ...

NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER A hilarious novel of social and political intrigue, set against the glittering backdrop of Florida’s gold coast, from the author of Skinny Dip and Razor Girl “If you could use some wild escapism right now, Hiaasen is your guy.” —The New York Times WITH A...

Robert Louis Stevenson's psychological thriller—minus the part where Victorian politeness buries the actual horror. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete, unabridged original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the Gothic suspense, zero Victorian torture. Mr. Utterson is a respectable London lawyer who notices something deeply wrong: his friend Dr. Jekyll has become obsessed with a violent, repulsive man named Mr. Hyde. Jekyll has even ...

One boy’s invented word becomes a phenomenon beyond his control in bestselling and award-winning author Andrew Clements’s hilarious classic children’s story about creative thought and the power of language. Is Nick Allen a troublemaker? He really just likes to liven things up at...

Now celebrating the 42nd anniversary of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, soon to be a Hulu original series! “Douglas Adams is a terrific satirist.”—The Washington Post Book World Facing annihilation at the hands of the warlike Vogons? Time for a cup of tea! Join the cosmically...

WINNER OF THE NATIONAL JEWISH BOOK AWARD FOR FICTION ● EDGAR AWARD NOMINEE FOR BEST NOVEL ● A thrilling reimagining of the world of Charles Dickens, as seen through the eyes of the infamous Jacob Fagin, London’s most gifted pickpocket, liar, and rogue. "Fagin the Thief takes one of...

This program is read by the author. "Kindhearted and approachable Winkler shines in his narration of his memoir commemorating 50 years of showbiz work...An engaging and endearing memoir by a genuine Hollywood treasure whose work spans generations."—Library Journal From Emmy-award winning actor...

Horseback heresy: farts, fornication, and fraud on the road to redemption (spoiler: there is no redemption for these fools). A ragtag crew of 29 pilgrims—knights, nuns, corrupt friars, and shit-stained gutter rats—trudge from a London tavern to Canterbury Cathedral, swapping tales of lust, greed, revenge, and fart jokes. The Wife of Bath brags about her five husbands like a 14th-century Tinder pro. The Miller pukes out a blackout-drunk story. The Pardoner hawks fake relics made from pig shit while preaching against greed. The Summoner peddles hellfire pardons for silver. The stakes? One...

The classic Newbery Honor book that inspired the hilarious Jim Carrey movie--and a childhood favorite book for generations. Mr. Popper's Penguins is one of the handful of American books for children that has attained the status of a classic. A humble house painter is sent a male penguin by the...

Are you ready to laugh? Are you ready to make the world laugh? HEY KIDS! Use this book to create laughs with friends. Put on a show, start a club at school or simply get together with friends. Dozens of games and variations will keep you playing for years. Like Eggo waffles, no two shows will ever be the same! PARENTS! Give the gift of laughter. Get the whole family playing together. recommended for ages 8 & up. Great for all adult fun too! THEATER PROS! Don't let these crazy times stifle your fun and creativity. Get online and play! Start a class. Put on a show. TEACHERS! Use this book as ...

From one of the most original voices in fantasy comes a twisted tale of murder, betrayal, and battlefield salvage. There’s no formal training for battlefield salvage. You just have to pick things up as you go along. Swords, armour, arrows – and the bodies, of course. Over the years, Saevus...

Mary Shelley's groundbreaking horror masterpiece—minus the part where you need a PhD to follow the nested flashbacks. What's a Sweary Classic? The complete original story—same plot, same characters, same emotional devastation—just translated into modern, hilarious, sweary language that doesn't require a literature degree to understand. Think: all the gothic horror, zero Victorian torture. Victor Frankenstein is a genius scientist with a terrible idea: what if he could reanimate dead tissue and create life from nothing? Spoiler alert: he succeeds. Double spoiler alert: this is the ...

Margaret Atwood puts the human heart to the ultimate test in an utterly brilliant new novel that is as visionary as The Handmaid's Tale and as richly imagined as The Blind Assassin. Stan and Charmaine are a married couple trying to stay afloat in the midst of an economic and social collapse. Job...

Sally Jay Gorce is a woman with a mission. It’s the 1950s, she’s young, and she’s in Paris. Having dyed her hair pink, she wears evening dresses in the daytime and vows to go native in a way not even the natives can manage. Embarking on an educational program that includes an affair with a married man (which fizzles out when she realizes he’s single and wants to marry her); nights in cabarets and jazz clubs in the company of assorted “citizens of the world”; an entanglement with a charming psychopath; and a bit part in a film financed by a famous matador.