s2 e11 – Halloween 1 - "Planet Tourettes”

To celebrate Halloween, BOMT visited Planet Vampire, a dead world with no life.

One theory behind this dead planet is that it was a planet of Vampires which only had vampires and no people. All the vampires did was attack and drink the blood of fellow vampires while defending themselves from other vampires by driving stakes through other vampires hearts.

That was it – drinking blood from one another and staking one another and it is rumoured that this carried on till the last vampire standing.

One fact that many overlook is Planet Vampire is surrounded by three suns and has 36 hours a day sunlight and zero hours night. Since vampires cannot exist during the day, there could never had been a planet inhabited by vampires.

The truth of planet Vampire is that the original name was “Planetis Vampireis” which means, in the dead tongue ofthe ancient civilization of “Wankatoope, “Dead shithole of a planet that no one live on because it is a shithole of a planet.”

The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee - the Podcast wanted to wish listeners a Happy Halloween in the tongue of thenative vampires of Planet Vampires but, since there wasn’t actually a vampire civilization and, therefore, a vampire language… we will instead wish you Happy Halloween in the language of neighbouring planet “Planet Confronted Arsehole: “Screw you and shove your Halloween up your $%^&*.”