You’re Not Missing the Narcissist You’re Missing This (And It Changes Everything)

If you’ve left a narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationship but still find yourself thinking about them, questioning your progress, or feeling pulled backward emotionally — this episode will bring powerful clarity. You’re not actually missing the narcissist. In this episode, Christy explains why calm can feel uncomfortable after narcissistic abuse, how trauma bonding conditions the brain and body, and what’s really happening when memories or longing resurface. This conversation will help you release shame, understand your healing process, and begin retraining your body to feel safe in peace again. Your Next Step in Healing If this episode resonated, you may be in the stage where insight alone isn’t enough — and nervous system support accelerates real change. Working together helps you move from understanding patterns to actually feeling grounded, clear, and emotionally free. ✨ Apply for coaching here: 3-Month Deep-Dive Coaching Container https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Your Next Step in Healing If this episode hit close to home, you may be in the stage where understanding isn’t the problem anymore — your nervous system just needs support integrating safety and clarity. ✨ Calm & Clarity Reset Call A focused, private session designed to help you regulate, gain perspective, and leave with clear next steps when emotions feel overwhelming or confusing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/ 3-Month Deep-Dive Container Focused support to break trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create emotional stability after narcissistic abuse. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Queens of Peace Program For women ready for deeper identity rebuilding, boundary mastery, and long-term nervous system healing. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Private Community 00:00): Hello Queens. Have you ever caught yourself thinking about them and then immediately getting mad at yourself afterwards? Why am I still thinking about this person I left? I know who they are, I know what they did. So why does part of me still feel pulled back today? I want to gently flip something upside down for you because you're not actually missing the narcissist, you're missing something else. And once you understand this, a lot of shame is going to go, we don't like shame in this room. No we don't. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen. This one's for you. (00:53) Alright, so welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie, as many of you know, if not welcome, thanks for showing up. And if you're here today, I already know something about you. You're not where you used to be, right? You've learned, you've woken up, maybe you left. Maybe you're emotionally detaching, maybe and trying to stay grounded, but there's still this confusing moment that happens sometimes, right? You're doing better and out of nowhere a memory hits or you wonder what they're doing. Or your body feels heavy, chest tight, maybe you feel a little nostalgia, right? And then the second wave after that is guilt or shame around that. What is wrong with me? Why do I still miss them? This doesn't make sense. So what we're going to talk about today is what's actually happening because this moment right here is one of the most misunderstood parts of healing. (02:00) Alright? So here's the truth. Most people never explain. You're not missing the narcissist. I repeat. You are not missing the narcissist. Isn't that? That's like a relief, but you're not so sure yet are you are missing what your nervous system learned to expect while you were surviving them. They're two very, very different things. So when you were in that relationship, your brain and your body, that's the somatic healing we talk about. Adapted. In order to keep you safe, you learn to scan their moods. Remember that Not so fun. You learn to anticipate their reactions. You learned how to fix any fixers out there? Yeah, I see you, I see all of you. You learn to soften to manage them if you know and to do whatever you could to prevent the explosions before they happened. So your body was constantly on alert. So here's the part that surprises people. (03:10) That constant emotional intensity created chemistry. So high stress, that high, high, high chaos followed by relief. The conflict followed by moments of calm or reflection, maybe even got fake apologies or flowers or just calm. It could have just been calm where it wasn't chaos. And that's good enough for us, not really, or fear followed by reassurance. So that cycle releases powerful, neurochemicals, adrenaline, cortisol. You've probably heard all the things about cortisol, dopamine probably heard that. These are like buzzwords nowadays, right? But they're real. And that cycle releases ...