You’re Not Attracting Them by Accident—Understanding Your Relationship Patterns

🌙 Episode Summary

In this episode of Break the Cycles, I dive into something that so many of us experience but don’t always understand—our patterns in relationships and what we’re actually attracted to.

For a long time, I confused intensity with connection. I thought the emotional highs and lows, the chemistry, and the pull I felt toward certain people meant something deeper… but what I’ve come to realize is that a lot of what we’re drawn to is rooted in what feels familiar to our nervous system.

I share how childhood experiences shape the way we show up in relationships as adults, and how unresolved emotional patterns can keep us stuck in cycles that don’t actually feel safe or aligned. I talk about how gaslighting can disconnect us from our own intuition and self-trust, and how narcissistic dynamics often form through unspoken emotional contracts we learned early on.

This episode is really about awareness—because before we can change anything, we have to see it clearly.

I also walk through what it actually takes to break these cycles. Not just intellectually understanding them, but repatterning the body, creating internal safety, and learning how to sit with ourselves in stillness and solitude. Because real healing isn’t about finding someone different—it’s about becoming someone who no longer tolerates what once felt familiar.

This is a conversation about coming back to yourself, rebuilding self-trust, and creating relationships that feel safe, grounded, and aligned.

✨ Key Takeaways

• This episode is about awareness—because I can’t change what I’m not willing to see.

• Understanding what I’m attracted to is the first step in breaking unhealthy patterns.

• What feels intense isn’t always connection—it’s often familiarity.

• Chemistry can actually be nervous system activation, not alignment.

• Calm can feel unfamiliar when I’ve been conditioned to chaos.

• • Attention can feel regulating, but it doesn’t mean the connection is healthy
  • Boundaries once felt unsafe for me, but they’re essential for healthy relationships.
• • Repatterning requires me to slow down, be alone, and sit in stillness.Real connection feels different when I prioritize emotional safety.
  • Self-compassion is necessary—because I was operating from what I knew at the time.

  🎙️ Sound Bites

  “Those are not green flags.”

  “I wasn’t ready at the root.”

  “Boundaries felt dangerous.”

• ⏱️ Chapters00:00 Introduction to Break the Cycles Podcast

  01:56 Understanding Attraction and Relationship Patterns 07:29 How Childhood Shapes Adult Relationships

  14:06 Gaslighting and the Loss of Self-Trust

  18:39 Narcissistic Dynamics and Emotional Contracts

  23:08 Repatterning and Building Internal Safety

  🌿Call to Action

  If this episode resonated, you don’t have to hold it alone.

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  ✨ Awaken Your Highest Self – 3-Day Workshop If you’re looking for a clear, grounded introduction to the framework behind this work, this workshop offers gentle structure, guided practices, and orientation — without pressure to go deeper

  Learn more or register here: https://www.alishasheri.com/workshop

  ✨ Join my free virtual Meetup: Healing After Toxic Cycles A women-centered space for conversation, education, and nervous-system-aware healing. We meet every 3rd Tuesday of the month

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