When a “surprisingly easy” relationship meets the chaos of new parenthood, even strong couples can hit unexpected walls.

In this episode, Jodi sits down with Amy—a therapist—and her husband Mike, who was identified as autistic later in life. Together, they unpack how a “perfectly compatible” pre-baby routine masked Mike’s autistic needs—and how everything changed when their first child arrived, sleep disappeared, and burnout began.

What followed was a five-year detour through misdiagnosed depression, unhelpful therapy, and even a formal assessment that incorrectly labeled Mike with schizoid personality disorder instead of autism.

With help from fellow clinician Laura Schreiner, Amy and Mike finally pieced together the autism puzzle and began rebuilding their marriage through understanding, not blame.

They share how small, practical changes—like scheduling downtime, using a “battery gauge” to show energy levels, and rethinking communication—helped reduce conflict, ease burnout, and strengthen their connection.

• How early “compatibility” masked autistic needs

• What triggered burnout and misdiagnosis after parenthood

• The difference between depression and autistic burnout

• Simple home adjustments that reduced conflict

• How humor and empathy helped them reconnect

Amy and Mike have been together for 18 years—long before Mike’s late identification as autistic. When they began searching for resources, they were struck by how few hopeful perspectives existed for autistic adults and neurodiverse couples. That gap inspired their shared commitment to advocacy and education.

Mike is a husband, father, and autism advocate whose work includes serving as secretary of a disability organization, appearing on podcasts, and writing What Does Your Face Mean?: An Informational Memoir on Late-Diagnosed Autism (forthcoming).

Amy is a licensed therapist in Illinois and a coach for out-of-state clients. She specializes in supporting autistic adults, their partners, and parents raising neurodivergent children—and trains other clinicians to better understand adult autism and neurodiverse relationships.

📧 Contact Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org 🌐 Learn more: prairiewellness.org

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👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for neurodiverse relationships to thrive—and the pitfalls that can derail them.

She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers clarity, confidence, and lasting change.

👉 Explore free resources, quizzes, and courses at Jodi's website.

🔔 Don’t forget to follow, rate, and share!

Your support helps more people find the clarity they need in their neurodiverse relationships.

Accommodating neurodiversity doesn’t have to mean resentment or burnout. In this episode, we explore how a neurodiverse relationship can thrive when both partners learn to balance self-accommodation and mutual respect.

Coaches Jeremy & Charity Rochford show how neurodivergent partners can self-accommodate (not outsource to neurotypical spouses) and how neurotypical partners can set boundaries that protect their own bandwidth. You’ll learn concrete tools—transition buffers, noise strategies, visual timers—and how a shared relationship system replaces score-keeping with reciprocity.

If you’ve been told to “just run” from a neurodiverse relationship, this episode offers a smarter path. Jeremy (autistic) & Charity (neurotypical) (hosts of the NeuroFam podcast) join Jodi to show how reframing autism/ADHD from problem to predictable pattern unlocks real solutions. We dig into practical rituals that improve connection without enmeshment, plus we explore why “effort is invisible” and how accommodations can increase connection instead of being sacrifices for either partner.

Jeremy explains his “software upgrade” mindset (strengthening theory of mind/executive function like training a muscle), while Charity shares how compassion + structure reduce resentment. You’ll leave with scripts, rituals, and a way to accommodate needs without erasing yourself.

00:00 – Welcome to Season Five

01:00 – Meet Jeremy & Charity

04:45 – Autism isn’t the problem: Updating the ‘80s narrative

09:40 – How kid diagnoses led to adult discoveries (and relief)

14:20 – Compassion shifts: Seeing sensory overload vs. “too much”

18:30 – “Software upgrades”: Building empathy & executive function

22:10 – Accommodations that work: Earbuds, car rules, visual timers

29:10 – Resentment vs reciprocity: Why effort is invisible

33:00 – Build a marriage system: Make expectations explicit

35:20 – Accommodate without erasing yourself (Disney example)

👥 Meet Jeremy & Charity Rochford

Jeremy and Charity Rochford—known as Team Rochford—are certified life coaches and co-founders of NeuroFam, where they specialize in coaching for neurodiverse couples, parents, and families. Married for 25 years and raising two autistic children, they blend professional expertise (Jeremy has a BA in Communication Studies; Charity a BA in Psychology) with lived experience to deliver a truly balanced perspective.

NeuroFam’s coaching is forward-focused and results-based—helping families create practical systems, reduce resentment, and build relationships that thrive. Jeremy works primarily with autistic/ADHD men, fathers, and young adults, while Charity supports neurotypical partners, mothers, and women navigating ND/NT family dynamics.

🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• NeuroFam website https://www.neurofam.com

• NeuroFM Podcast https://www.ourneurofam.com/neuro-fm-podcast

• Book: Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen https://www.stoneandheen.com/thanks-feedback
• Course: How to Communicate in Your Neurodiverse Relationship https://jodicarlton.com/courses/relationship-2-0-crack-the-communication-code/

• Tony Attwood https://www.attwoodandgarnettevents.com/

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👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

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Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

#NeurodiverseRelationship #AutismInMarriage #ADHD