Why You're Attracted to Emotionally Unavailable People

If healthy partners feel boring and chaotic ones feel electric, your nervous system is lying to you.You're not chasing love—you're chasing intermittent reinforcement. The same neurological pattern as a slot machine. Your brain mistakes intensity for intimacy, anxiety for chemistry, and the chase for connection.If you grew up around inconsistency, emotionally available people won't feel romantic. They'll feel wrong. Until you rewire what your nervous system recognizes as attractive, you'll keep choosing people who let you stay hidden.The question isn't why you keep choosing wrong. It's what would it take to choose differently.Key Timestamps :00:00 — Why chaotic relationships feel “exciting” (it’s conditioning, not chemistry)01:46 — The dopamine–chaos loop: why inconsistency feels like love03:08 — Intensity vs intimacy: how we mistake addiction for connection05:40 — Why healthy love feels boring at first (your nervous system isn’t used to safety)10:01 — How to rewire your patterns and finally choose emotionally available partners