Why Are Victims Expected to Do All the Work?

This episode tells the story of Thomas, a survivor who went no contact with his abusive father after a public meltdown at his wedding, and how the world around him quietly blames him for the relationship he didn’t break.

From well-meaning coworkers saying “all families have stuff,” to relatives insisting “you’ll have to let it go,” Patrick explores why the burden to forgive and reconnect so often falls on the person who was hurt, not the person who caused the harm.

Learn how survivors like Thomas are pressured to “be the bigger person,” while abusers avoid accountability, and how to stop carrying that emotional labor yourself.

Topics include:

• Why abusive parents are rarely held accountable
• How relatives and in-laws minimize harm to “keep the peace”
• The shame, guilt, and invisibility survivors feel when going no contact
• The hidden motives behind advice like “just forgive”
• How to flip the script and protect your peace

If you’ve ever been told to reconcile with someone who never took responsibility for the pain they caused, this episode offers validation, and a new way forward.

Keywords: family estrangement, toxic parents, no contact healing, emotional abuse recovery, accountability, narcissistic parent, trauma recovery, boundaries, forgiveness pressure, inner child healing

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How to Handle Social Deniers of C-PTSD

Thank you,Patrick. I am in the process of disconnecting from a narcissitic father and this podcast identifies exactly what I’ve hearing from others as well as how to respond. I needed this. If other readers are new in disconnecting, this is a good podcast to hear.