When Dysregulation Shapes the Way We Love with Laurie Proctor

In this episode, host Patria Rector continues the conversation with coach, Internal Family Systems practitioner, and Enneagram instructor Laurie Proctor about the powerful role our nervous systems and internal parts play in shaping relationships. When we become dysregulated, connection often gives way to survival. Fight, flight, freeze, and collapse are responses that helped us endure difficult moments in our stories—but they were never designed to sustain healthy relationships.

Patria and Laurie explore how unintegrated parts within us can create rupture in our relationships and how learning to regulate before responding allows love, empathy, and curiosity to lead instead of fear. Through personal stories, Enneagram insights, and reflections from Internal Family Systems work, they discuss how different people experience dysregulation in different ways—from outward reactivity to internal collapse—and how awareness can open the door to greater compassion for ourselves and others.

The episode also widens the lens beyond individual relationships, exploring how the same patterns of survival and dysregulation can shape communities and even the cultural moment we find ourselves living in.

In this episode, we explore:

• How dysregulation leads to rupture in relationships
• The difference between survival responses and relational connection
• Why regulation matters before responding in moments of conflict
• How Enneagram patterns influence our stress responses
• Internal Family Systems and responding from “Self” rather than reactive parts
• The role of empathy in restoring connection
• How personal dysregulation can mirror collective tension in the world around us

Reflection:
What happens in your body when you feel threatened, misunderstood, or angry? Do you move toward conflict, withdraw from it, or collapse inward? Learning to notice these responses is often the first step toward responding from a more grounded and compassionate place.

About the Guest:
Laurie Proctor is a professionally certified coach, Internal Family Systems practitioner, Human Design coach, and certified Enneagram instructor who partners with individuals, teams, and organizations seeking healing and transformation. She is the founder of SOWThat (Self Others World), where her work centers on the belief that healing begins within and ripples outward to others and the world. Laurie holds multiple certificates in narrative-focused trauma care from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and is passionate about helping people discover the treasures within that can change their lives—and the world.

Learn more about her work at sowthat.com.

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Credits:
Echoes and Edges is Produced and Edited by: Stephen R. Sanders
Music Promoted by Envato
Echoes and Edges is a part of VividLivid Podcast Network - Where bruises speak and healing finds its voice.