I examine Cardinal Pizzaball's potential competition in the race to become the next pope. Plus, I discuss updates on the matter of last year's assassination of a lesser-liked Brian Thompson. And I detail the details of my involvement with a famous 1995 murder trial.

I wish a fond farewell to Pope Francis, a.k.a. The Pope, and ruminate on the notion that his passing away might have something to do with my placing U.S. President Donald Trump under citizens' arrest.

After careful consideration of various crimes committed by the United States presidential administration, and with my role as a citizen as well as an award-pending investigative journalist in mind, I make a special announcement / notice re: a citizen's arrest.

I solicit help from above in my quest to be accidentally added to a group chat discussing top secret McDonald's secrets.

I show support for McDonald's adult-oriented menu items (like pizza) by donning a costume to purchase the new Minecraft adult Happy Meal.

I attempt to trick McDonald's new artificial intelligence facial recognition technology by wearing a rubber fright mask of comedian/talent judge Howard Mandel's face.

In my pursuit to join the College of Cardinals so that I might cast a vote for a pizza-friendly pope, I chat online with a friendly priest from PriestChat.com.

With the current pope in ill health, I pursue the possibility of joining the College of Cardinals so that I might cast a vote for the next pope: Pope Pizzaballa I.