What Do You Bid?

In this follow-up to their previous discussion on fighting (4 Ways to Repair Trash Talk), Mike and Kristen dive deeper into practical tools for healthy conflict resolution. They begin by reframing conflict not as a negative, but as a necessary and good opportunity for relationship growth. Kristen breaks down the complex, multi-step process of communication and negotiation, showing how easily misunderstandings can lead to frustration, unmet expectations, and hurt. This leads to the core topic of the episode: "bids" for connection, a concept from Dr. John Gottman. A bid is any attempt to connect with your partner, and how you respond—by "turning towards" them to engage or "turning away" and shutting them down—is crucial for the health of your relationship. Mike and Kristen also discuss common conflict pitfalls, such as "harsh startups" and getting caught in a "crazy cycle" of negative reactions. They emphasize that it only takes one person to de-escalate a situation and make a change that will shift the entire dynamic of the relationship. Finally, they offer practical, easy-to-implement guidelines that couples can agree on to navigate disagreements more productively.

(C) 2025 All Music by Mike and Kristen Jones for use by Heart and Soulution, including Heart and Soulution theme, Card of the day jingle and all background music; generated with Suno.ai.

Reference material and Resources to dive deeper:

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2002), The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
• ⁠Table Topics Tabletop Sets: Questions to start great conversations.⁠

Connect with Heart and Solution:

• Follow on Instagram: Join the conversation @heartandsoulution.

• Share Your Ideas: Let Mike and Kristen know your ideas for future episodes and participate in their weekly poll on Instagram.