What Compatibility Really Means in a Relationship: Dating in Your 30s

What does it really mean to be compatible with someone?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this — and honestly, I think intellectual compatibility might be my biggest struggle. Not chemistry, not vibes, not attraction… but finding someone who can actually meet me where my mind is.

In this episode, I’m talking about:

-Why being “chosen” doesn’t make you more special — God already did that

-Why I can’t date someone who isn’t spiritually grounded

-The 5 layers of compatibility (and why intellect ranks high for me)

-The Baby Mama story — and the moment I realized we weren’t equally yoked

-Why visionary women struggle to “fit” into a man’s plan

-My recent dating app voice notes (yes, you’re gonna scream 😩)

If you’ve ever felt too deep, too complex, or too much to be understood — this one’s for you.

Let’s go Beneath The Seams! 🤐

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00:00 Coming Up — “I’ve never been asked for my hand in marriage, and I don’t wanna be a baby mama.”

02:10 Defining compatibility

09:12 Why intellectual connection matters more than just a vibe

15:40 The Baby Mama story — and the laughter that told me everything

20:02 Spiritual alignment as a non-negotiable

26:45 Lifestyle preferences: hiking vs. brunch & finding middle ground

32:04 Power couples & merging visions

38:20 Storytime: “You’ll miss your blessing” 😭

42:11 Storytime: The 1:30 AM “you up?” text (sir, please)

44:26 Listener prompt — which type of compatibility do you crave most?

🎧 Listen to Beneath The Seams wherever you stream podcasts

💬 Join the conversation in the comments — rank your top 3 types of compatibility

🖤 Subscribe for new episodes every week

Connect with me:

Website → https://beneaththeseams.com

Instagram + TikTok → @kalariggins

Email → [e-mail]

Let's stay connected!

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I’m Kala! Host, content creator, and storyteller.

I create content and conversations that inspire women to stop hiding, stop apologizing, and show up as their full selves.

Here, we talk about the messy middle of life and creativity — the doubt, the breakthroughs, the moments that make you want to quit, and the ones that keep you going. (all while looking GOODt!)

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Work With Me:

https://kalariggins.com/monetize-me

https://cal.com/kalariggins

My Website:

https://kalariggins.com/

Contact:

[e-mail]