What do Steve Bannon, Deepak Chopra, Noam Chomsky, Obama’s former White House lawyer, Bill Clinton’s treasury secretary, several Trump ambassadors, and one of the kids from Mighty Ducks have in common? Besides ‘Being mammals,’ it’s basically just being big fans of Jeffrey Epstein. We talk about how a lot of powerful people are huge losers who needed his travel tips and advice on how to talk to girls, then we get into the emails everyone’s ignoring which also depict Epstein as a kind of aspiring Bond-villain and warlord. Join us.

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After a pretty resounding message from the voters that they should stand strong for healthcare, Senate Democrats make the heroic decision to let Donald Trump have everything he wants and rub their bellies. Then we get into the now possibly moot fight over SNAP and all the silliness around last week’s elections, which included Kentuckyans who were shocked and upset they couldn’t vote against the mayor of New York, and an enthusiast for Nazi-adjacent porn who lost a Lt. Gov race despite debating an AI of his opponent that he made say dumb stuff.

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We’ve found a new family who fled to Russia to escape Woke, only to endure a Biblical level of suffering, which includes having to snuggle goats to not freeze to death. The lady we’re gonna install as the dictator of Venezuela says they have Hamas now, so please act quickly. And the FBI director joins the mile high club on your dime, patriotically.

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First we talk about a fun development in China, that our overlords are certainly jealous of, where the government is forcing people to stop being sad on the internet. Then, we talk about a pretty big special interest group in America called ‘People Who Eat Food,’ and the Trump administration’s plan for everyone to live on Hamburger Helper while he cosplays as Jay Gatsby in a ballroom apparently designed by ChatGPT.

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This week BJ Barham, the lead singer of American Aquarium, stops by to talk about his run for town board. What’s it like to be in The Rolling Stone the same week you’re being called a Communist for pointing out that local officials are giving sweetheart land deals to their relatives? We get into it. Before that: Jelly Roll-based psyops, the No Kings protests vs. Operation A.I. Sky Diarrhea, and the cartels’ (fake? fake.) bounties on CPB.

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Did Marjorie Taylor Greene get woke Freaky Friday’d? (No.) We discuss the plan to give your electricity to AI by giving Big Sweaty Brother control over your thermostat. And other AI hijinks, including a peek into our future in Albania, where they made an AI a cabinet minister with hurt feelings. The NY Post has a shocking revelation about the Portland frog, and it’s that he once made a joke they didn’t get. Also, a fun update from the Q Shaman, who filed a lawsuit claiming he is the rightful president, and we are convinced.

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Can you end a government shutdown if no one even understands why it’s happening? Let’s find out. In the meantime, the chemtrails guys and the park rangers who take down makeshift Epstein statues apparently got furloughed. Then, we get into the continuing invasions of random cities and the mysterious case of a CPB helicopter raid involving American children in zip ties that looks like they were used as shock troops to save the investment of a slumlord.

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We’ve got to invade Portland because the president was confused by footage from 2020 and a lady named Cloud is mad about noise ordinances. RFK Jr. is pretending Tylenol causes autism which, you’ll be shocked, made his fellow anti-vaxxers even madder. No worry, we don’t need medicine anymore because we’re rolling out fake alien technology beds that will regrow our limbs and make us all live forever. Another normal week.

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