🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

2021. 7. 11

🔹Question: Thank you so much for taking my question.In listening to past Dharma talks, I heard Sunim describe or talk about developing empathy for those who have created suffering in our lives as a way of overcoming attachment to the past and suffering in the present. Part of what I'm working through is particularly horrific kind of abusemthat I grew up with at the hands of my father. And I don't see how I could ever develop empathy for a person who did to a child, to me, the things that my father did.And I'm wondering if there's another path forward.Thank you so much.

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🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

Selection from Casual Conversation with Ven. Pomnyun Sunim (July 11, 2021)

🔹Question: My father has been violent to me physically and verbally. He hit me and my mom. He always told me you should play a role of a boy. I couldn’t have built basic trust to people and life seems very absurd and unjust. I was diagnosed as depression 15 years ago and another mental disease 2 years ago. He sometimes wrote letters saying that he’s very sorry it’s all for your sake and his childhood was not easy. But he repeated the same verbal and physical abuse afterwards. So I found all of his words untrustworthy and hypocritical. I just stopped talking to him years ago and ran away to a faraway country but still suffering. I tried to be grateful to him but it seems so hypocritical as well, so I stopped praying. I don’t want to get married nor have children because I think my spouse and children would suffer as well. I don’t know what to do.

🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/

🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint

🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

2024. 11. 3.

🔹Question: Questioner)Hello, Sunim. Nice to see you again. Can you hear me, everyone? Yes? OK, good. I drew a map here. My dad lives here, and my sister lived over here. This is north. My dad wants me to move there to this house. He sat me down when I was over at his place last weekend. But I don't want to move there. I'll just admit that. It would really disrupt what's happening in my life right now. The thing is that he helped my sister with this house, and as my dad is getting older, he wants to make sure everyone is taken care of before he dies. He helped my sister build this house. It was his land. He built a shop which was a wood shop. He likes to do wood carpentry as a hobby, make things out of wood, and I guess he's doing it even less nowadays. And he also designed it so that somebody could move in, put a kitchen and a shower in. And he was definitely thinking that somebody was me. I never tried to argue with him about it. I just sat down and listened, and he said, "Please think about it seriously." And he rammed me. As much as it would be good to save money on rent, I really appreciate where I live now. And I need to have this conversation with him somehow. So far, I've let it be one way. Thank you.

🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/

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🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

2022.12.18

🔹Question: Thank you for allowing me to ask a question. My daughter is going through a divorce, and she is separated from her husband about two months ago. They had agreed to share caring for their 13 year old son and 11 year old daughter by alternating weeks. My grandson refused to stay with his mom when she lived with me, but he said that when she lives on her own, he would live with her. So last month, she got her own place and she drove both children to her new place and the 13 year old refused to get out of the car. He told my daughter that he loves his dad and that he hates her, and he refuses to stay with her. So, the divorce has been very difficult for everybody.I'm wondering what advice can you give us?

🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/

🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea

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🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

2022. 10. 09

🔹Question: I'm very honored to ask the question, and thank you very much. In June of this year, my dad passed away. We installed a memorial tree and a memorial bench in the honor of my dad to help my grieving mom. My dad was cremated. At the time, we didn't know what to do with his ashes. Recently, my mom wanted to bury his ashes to a cemetery. So, I asked all my siblings sending out an email if they would like to share the cost of the burial. All of our four siblings are financially stable. One of my sisters got angry and said, "We did the memorial tree and the bench. Why do we have to share the burial cost? This seems like an endless cost. This is very burdening on me!" She said "Budam" in Korean. I said to my sister, "If you feel that way, you don't have to." There was tension in the conversation. Since then, she hasn't contacted my mom or called her who is grieving. Currently, I am a student of Jungto Buddhism Course, and I've learned what you said about knowing the truth. The truth is that my sister and I are different. I have found some peace in that, but I don't have peace some days. It's like a seesaw. Some days, I have peace, and other days, I'm angry and sad. So, I ask for your guidance in having peace in my heart.

🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/

🔻 Find more at thefollowing links: http://www.jungtosociety.org http://www.pomnyun.comhttps://www.instagram.com/jungto.society/https://www.instagram.com/ven.pomnyun.sunim/https://www.facebook.com/pomnyundailyquote https://insighttimer.com/jungtokorea

🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint

🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

2024. 7. 9

🔹Question : Thank you for taking my question. Wespend a lot of time, money, and effort on our kids, or example, on private school, extra curriculum classes, music, and sports. As parents, we are working very hard to support all of these. And we hope that our time, money, and efforts are well spent, and the kids would appreciate it by fully utilizing these opportunities. I know that this is our desire to properly train the kids, and we shouldn't have that desire. However, it's hard to not expect anything. I don't mean to expect that they will take care of us when we get older, or they will buy us something. But we hope that they can work to their full potential. Sometimes, when we see kids watching YouTube videos or playing games, we feel that they don't really appreciate these opportunities. And I ask myself why I have to spend the money and effort on private school, sports, and music. We can save that money to do more good for society or retire early. Sometimes, I think it's my own anxiety that I have to spend that money on kids because I'm afraid that they might fail in the future.So, I'm trying to figure out what is the problem and trying to stop it.I've been thinking about that for over two months and I couldn't find the answer.

🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/

🔻 All Jungto Society’s social platforms:http://linktr.ee/jungtoint

🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

2024. 7. 9

🔹Question : Good morning, Sunim. It's good to see you. Ihave a family-related question today. My mother, who lives alone, would like to sell her home and move to a new house. However, she has a lot of difficulty making decisions, and she's fearful of change. As a result, she suffers from anxiety. My sister has been the main person helping my mother to look for a new home. But, because of my mother's fear of making a decision, she's been unable to choose anywhere. My sister is also reluctant to make a decision because she doesn't want to be blamed in case my mother regrets her choice. This situation has been dragging on for a long time now, and my mother has lost a few opportunities to sell her house because the buyers didn't want to wait for her. My question is, "How can I help my mother overcome her fear so that she can move forward and hopefully live the remainder of her life comfortably?" Thank you very much.

🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/

🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint

🔹Ven Pomnyun’s Dharma Q&A

Selection from Casual Conversation with Ven. Pomnyun Sunim(October 3, 2021)

🔹Question : In my family I feel like I’m being sort of annoying to them and I’m not doing enough for them. Usually even if they tell me that I’m doing fine, there’s some part of me that thinks that I’m just being annoying to them and I’m not doing good for them. I just want to know how I can change my mindset so I don’t feel so sad all the time.

🔻Jungto Dharma School(Introduction to Buddhism):https://www.jungtosociety.org/jungto-dharma-school-online-course/

🔻 All Jungto Society’ssocial platforms: http://linktr.ee/jungtoint